Sitting here in the dark, with my quilt wrapped around me while it pours heavily outside.
Since my last post, yes, I'm back home. And more on that later.
I was hesitant to write a post because I never really got the chance to gather my thoughts, but here I am. Only because it's the last day of 2009, and I feel obliged to say goodbye to the year that has been.
So.. goodbye 2009.
The rain is getting heavier, it's 7 hours to the new year, and my plans for tonight were just confirmed about an hour ago.
This is it then. Going to get ready now.
This year will forever be remembered as.. the Melbourne year. How original.
I wonder what 2010 will bring. Watch this space.. same time.. same day.. next year.
-alexeO-
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009
2010 and Beyond
My flight home is in less than 24 hours but photographs and random tickets and forms of memoirs remain stamped on my wall in front of me.
My family's visit in the past week has enlightened me on various things I never thought of before particularly in the decision making of what I am going to do with my future.
I am leaving this place with an incredibly heavy heart. And if you ask me now, I still cannot confidently tell you where will I be next year.
I'm scared of growing up. Not so much the growing old and wrinkly part of it, but more of the fact that growing up often involves changes - lots of changes - and I am scared of changes.
Sooner or later, things will change, whether I want them to or not, and there's nothing I can do about it. I understand that part. But I think subconsciously, as much as I possibly could, I want to postpone that change, holding it back with whatever ounce of strength I have left.
Maybe I should embrace change. Maybe it's about taking that first difficult step, and just withstanding whatever rollercoaster of emotions that would be flooded upon me, and things will eventually become normal again.
My whole life I've not been as successful because I'm always afraid of that first step. I don't dare to take that step because I refuse and am not brave enough to face that whirlpool of uneasiness even for that couple of seconds at times. That is why I don't like raising a point in tutorials during my uni days, because I was so scared to face the awkward moment when everyone is judging me - positively or negatively - even for that couple of seconds. Even though I know a couple of seconds later the attention will not be on me anymore and the judging will dissipate in a matter of seconds.
I'm sad that I already arrived at the crossroads. I'm not sure if I followed the speedlimit on my way here because it seriously feels like I arrived too fast.
Maybe my journey was charged by a constant need to prove to people my worth along with an overthinking of life hence I never properly took the time to enjoy the ride. And now I've arrived and I cannot ever turn back.
Fortunately, all is not that bleak because at the end of the day, I know deep down inside I'm only still in my twenties, just reached there barely in fact. And there are plenty of people in the world who have led or is leading wonderful lives in their twenties. And I'm glad I'm aware of this now because come 10, 20 years time, if you see me complaining about the same thing again, feel free to slap me hard in the face.
For now, I might have made my decision of what I want to do with my life next year, but I cannot outrighly admit it now because I am not brave enough yet. But trust me I am going to.
On a related and vague sidenote, oh how easy it is to lose a person's trust and how hard it is to gain it. But like I tell most of my friends, I'll just continue doing what I do, trying to better myself each day, and things will eventually fall to place by themselves.
That's just how the world goes by.
-alexeO-
My family's visit in the past week has enlightened me on various things I never thought of before particularly in the decision making of what I am going to do with my future.
I am leaving this place with an incredibly heavy heart. And if you ask me now, I still cannot confidently tell you where will I be next year.
I'm scared of growing up. Not so much the growing old and wrinkly part of it, but more of the fact that growing up often involves changes - lots of changes - and I am scared of changes.
Sooner or later, things will change, whether I want them to or not, and there's nothing I can do about it. I understand that part. But I think subconsciously, as much as I possibly could, I want to postpone that change, holding it back with whatever ounce of strength I have left.
Maybe I should embrace change. Maybe it's about taking that first difficult step, and just withstanding whatever rollercoaster of emotions that would be flooded upon me, and things will eventually become normal again.
My whole life I've not been as successful because I'm always afraid of that first step. I don't dare to take that step because I refuse and am not brave enough to face that whirlpool of uneasiness even for that couple of seconds at times. That is why I don't like raising a point in tutorials during my uni days, because I was so scared to face the awkward moment when everyone is judging me - positively or negatively - even for that couple of seconds. Even though I know a couple of seconds later the attention will not be on me anymore and the judging will dissipate in a matter of seconds.
I'm sad that I already arrived at the crossroads. I'm not sure if I followed the speedlimit on my way here because it seriously feels like I arrived too fast.
Maybe my journey was charged by a constant need to prove to people my worth along with an overthinking of life hence I never properly took the time to enjoy the ride. And now I've arrived and I cannot ever turn back.
Fortunately, all is not that bleak because at the end of the day, I know deep down inside I'm only still in my twenties, just reached there barely in fact. And there are plenty of people in the world who have led or is leading wonderful lives in their twenties. And I'm glad I'm aware of this now because come 10, 20 years time, if you see me complaining about the same thing again, feel free to slap me hard in the face.
For now, I might have made my decision of what I want to do with my life next year, but I cannot outrighly admit it now because I am not brave enough yet. But trust me I am going to.
On a related and vague sidenote, oh how easy it is to lose a person's trust and how hard it is to gain it. But like I tell most of my friends, I'll just continue doing what I do, trying to better myself each day, and things will eventually fall to place by themselves.
That's just how the world goes by.
-alexeO-
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Sunday, December 06, 2009
The Domino Effect
I recall the times we had in previous years. Times different from what we have today.
Wouldn't it be good if things stayed that way?
Let us all pause for a second and step out of our lives for a little while. And reflect.
How did it end up like this?
-alexeO-
Wouldn't it be good if things stayed that way?
Let us all pause for a second and step out of our lives for a little while. And reflect.
How did it end up like this?
-alexeO-
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Short Hair
My shortest hair in 4 years. August 2008!
I didn't like it that much initially but it kinda grew on me despite having my forehead amplified like 10x.
Side view.
Top view.
I even had a small mohawk action going on.
Should I or should I not.. hmmmm.
-alexeO-
I didn't like it that much initially but it kinda grew on me despite having my forehead amplified like 10x.
Side view.
Top view.
I even had a small mohawk action going on.
Should I or should I not.. hmmmm.
-alexeO-
Thanks
My whole life I only believed in one thing. That is to make the least amount of enemies and to make most people I meet not have any problems with me.
Throughout highschool, I received all kinds of shit. Probably due to my said belief. But I tolerated. Because people close to me tell me I am doing things right and I should never ever change. And I believe I will reap the rewards from it one day.
I sometimes still sit down and ask myself. What is wrong with me? What is wrong with the people around me? I try so hard to please the crowd, I try so hard to make everyone happy, I avoid conflicts whenever necessary, I try very hard not to bring two very obviously opposing factions together because I don't want to stir up any awkwardness.
I try to be as helpful as possible with people. I try to be there for people when they need an ear. I try to be there when they need a shoulder to cry on. I try my best to make people feel their happiest on their birthdays even when there's no official party. I wish people Happy Birthday on their special days because I know how much a greeting can mean.
Last night, or earlier this morning, I slept to an extremely upsetting thing that happened, and woke up 4 hours later from a nightmare. I now cannot go back to sleep because the only thing my mind is what that has happened.
I cannot help but feel extremely betrayed and used, and boycotted. All the effort and journey to a friend's house into trying to please everybody through the guestlists, through a fun plan I thought of, through an attempt to be entertaining.
All gone. All because some people thought I do not deserve to celebrate my special day this year.
Something done some disgustingly and in poor taste, something I would never get from people who really care.
To add fuel to the fire, even some of those who know me long enough decide which side they wish to be on.
I never felt so angry and upset ever since high school. To the extent of I am still in a state of disbelief at this very instant. I thought my darkest days were over, I guess not.
-alexeO-
Throughout highschool, I received all kinds of shit. Probably due to my said belief. But I tolerated. Because people close to me tell me I am doing things right and I should never ever change. And I believe I will reap the rewards from it one day.
I sometimes still sit down and ask myself. What is wrong with me? What is wrong with the people around me? I try so hard to please the crowd, I try so hard to make everyone happy, I avoid conflicts whenever necessary, I try very hard not to bring two very obviously opposing factions together because I don't want to stir up any awkwardness.
I try to be as helpful as possible with people. I try to be there for people when they need an ear. I try to be there when they need a shoulder to cry on. I try my best to make people feel their happiest on their birthdays even when there's no official party. I wish people Happy Birthday on their special days because I know how much a greeting can mean.
Last night, or earlier this morning, I slept to an extremely upsetting thing that happened, and woke up 4 hours later from a nightmare. I now cannot go back to sleep because the only thing my mind is what that has happened.
I cannot help but feel extremely betrayed and used, and boycotted. All the effort and journey to a friend's house into trying to please everybody through the guestlists, through a fun plan I thought of, through an attempt to be entertaining.
All gone. All because some people thought I do not deserve to celebrate my special day this year.
Something done some disgustingly and in poor taste, something I would never get from people who really care.
To add fuel to the fire, even some of those who know me long enough decide which side they wish to be on.
I never felt so angry and upset ever since high school. To the extent of I am still in a state of disbelief at this very instant. I thought my darkest days were over, I guess not.
-alexeO-
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Bai?
I feel obliged to write a farewell post.
Farewell undergraduate studies, farewell Melbourne.
But I can't. The latter because I honestly still don't know if I'll be saying goodbye for good.
And the former, I don't want to get my hopes up too high yet.
So maybe when the time comes I will post a proper goodbye post.
Post ends here because I suddenly don't feel like blogging anymore.
-alexeO-
Farewell undergraduate studies, farewell Melbourne.
But I can't. The latter because I honestly still don't know if I'll be saying goodbye for good.
And the former, I don't want to get my hopes up too high yet.
So maybe when the time comes I will post a proper goodbye post.
Post ends here because I suddenly don't feel like blogging anymore.
-alexeO-
Friday, November 13, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Monday, November 09, 2009
Tolerance
I think, in tandem with the International Day for Tolerance on Nov 16, I should work on this aspect I might have a little problem with.
Despite me having certain principles I hold onto, despite me clearly not agreeing with certain qualities people have, I am going to tolerate, and not let that affect my own happiness in life.
For too long, I have been swayed by others, I let my own happiness get depended unto them, and I feel discouraged when I see someone goes against what I constitute as basic human virtues.
I am not going to make it my concern anymore unless I am asked or required to. I always thought the best way to live life is to be as honest as possible with my emotions and just speak my mind every single time.
I realised that cannot be the way anymore because firstly, clearly not everyone appreciate my comments and secondly, they probably didn't deserve my time and effort in the first place anyway.
So I might feel uneasy with a certain person, heck, I might even hate being around that person, but I'm not going to let their contradictory ways get to me personally. Because I am going to tolerate.
There is only this much someone can change, and chances are, they probably wouldn't even appreciate your time and effort to begin with.
If they want to change, they would, eventually.
On a sidenote, I still don't know what I'm going to do after this year. And I still have my last exam ever in my life to sit for at the end of this week.
Hopefully I get my body clock fixed in time.
-alexeO-
Despite me having certain principles I hold onto, despite me clearly not agreeing with certain qualities people have, I am going to tolerate, and not let that affect my own happiness in life.
For too long, I have been swayed by others, I let my own happiness get depended unto them, and I feel discouraged when I see someone goes against what I constitute as basic human virtues.
I am not going to make it my concern anymore unless I am asked or required to. I always thought the best way to live life is to be as honest as possible with my emotions and just speak my mind every single time.
I realised that cannot be the way anymore because firstly, clearly not everyone appreciate my comments and secondly, they probably didn't deserve my time and effort in the first place anyway.
So I might feel uneasy with a certain person, heck, I might even hate being around that person, but I'm not going to let their contradictory ways get to me personally. Because I am going to tolerate.
There is only this much someone can change, and chances are, they probably wouldn't even appreciate your time and effort to begin with.
If they want to change, they would, eventually.
On a sidenote, I still don't know what I'm going to do after this year. And I still have my last exam ever in my life to sit for at the end of this week.
Hopefully I get my body clock fixed in time.
-alexeO-
Monday, October 26, 2009
To Another Friend
So what we got out of Monash came in handy afterall. Haha.
Happy 21st Birthday Karina.
-alexeO-
Thursday, October 22, 2009
To A Friend
Dear Eng Sze Jia,
While I do admit how I sometimes feel awkward when you occasionally tower over me,
While I do admit how I sometimes feel annoyed when you continue to smile widely even when I specifically told you not to,
While I do admit how I sometimes feel bewildered when 8/10 photos taken with flash you'd have your eyes wide shut,
They all become insignificant to what you can actually offer to the people around you. You know, I know lah.
Now to end with the epitome of cliche-ness, remember, "those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter."
Wishing you a very very happy 21st birthday.
Here's to epitome-ness, spawn-ness, epiphany-ness, reachedout-ness, and this incredibly geli-fying corny blog post.
Remember to invite me to your Korean-themed wedding with some Korean dude.
-alexeO-
While I do admit how I sometimes feel awkward when you occasionally tower over me,
While I do admit how I sometimes feel annoyed when you continue to smile widely even when I specifically told you not to,
While I do admit how I sometimes feel bewildered when 8/10 photos taken with flash you'd have your eyes wide shut,
They all become insignificant to what you can actually offer to the people around you. You know, I know lah.
Now to end with the epitome of cliche-ness, remember, "those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter."
Wishing you a very very happy 21st birthday.
Here's to epitome-ness, spawn-ness, epiphany-ness, reachedout-ness, and this incredibly geli-fying corny blog post.
Remember to invite me to your Korean-themed wedding with some Korean dude.
-alexeO-
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Human Race
As I was boarding the tram, two inspectors stepped out. One went back in immediately and tried to get a passenger, who was Asian and looked about my age to presumably follow the inspectors and step out of the tram. The moment I stepped foot on the tram, the Asian man started rushing out of it and attempted to make a run for it. The inspector got hold of the man's bag so he didn't get away. The tram then moved and three inspectors surrounding one particular defeated-looking Asian man was the last sight I saw at that stop.
Beside two giggling younger passengers, a medium-built man was draped in the Australian aboriginal flag standing on the tram's deck looking out of the automated folding doors in silence. "Telling me what to do in my own country.." I heard the man mumble. As I studied him interestingly, I learned that he spoke fluently and had a t-shirt on with the same flag - with the stripes and shape and colors - imprinted on it. He politely excused himself past me and took a seat behind me. All of a sudden, in a quieter than usual packed tram, the man suddenly raised his voice and spoke out in a more than audible tone, "white people, black people, the only race is the human race!" Unsurprisingly, the typical Melbourne tram filled with passengers from extremely diversed ethnic backgrounds started looking around for the source of the voice. Not only did the man didn't seem perturbed by the attention he suddenly received, he continued talking in what reminded me of some street preachers I saw before, but only this time about white people and races, I cannot really remember specifically. Right before I got off at my stop, he said something again to which I cannot recall unfortunately. But it was well-phrased and almost felt scripted, like it came out of a RPG game where you sometimes encounter characters muttering (or generating rather) random phrases and sentences on a consistent time-to-time basis.
A lady, seated not far from me, whom I noticed from before after the Asian man tried making a run and right before I overheard the random preaching man voicing his first statement was talking to a random passenger she did not know about spending 9 years jail-time or something along those lines when I first got on the tram. She was quiet as the man spoke.
Everyone was. All but the man and his echoing words.
A strange anecdote which occupied my mind throughout the whole walk home.
-alexeO-
Beside two giggling younger passengers, a medium-built man was draped in the Australian aboriginal flag standing on the tram's deck looking out of the automated folding doors in silence. "Telling me what to do in my own country.." I heard the man mumble. As I studied him interestingly, I learned that he spoke fluently and had a t-shirt on with the same flag - with the stripes and shape and colors - imprinted on it. He politely excused himself past me and took a seat behind me. All of a sudden, in a quieter than usual packed tram, the man suddenly raised his voice and spoke out in a more than audible tone, "white people, black people, the only race is the human race!" Unsurprisingly, the typical Melbourne tram filled with passengers from extremely diversed ethnic backgrounds started looking around for the source of the voice. Not only did the man didn't seem perturbed by the attention he suddenly received, he continued talking in what reminded me of some street preachers I saw before, but only this time about white people and races, I cannot really remember specifically. Right before I got off at my stop, he said something again to which I cannot recall unfortunately. But it was well-phrased and almost felt scripted, like it came out of a RPG game where you sometimes encounter characters muttering (or generating rather) random phrases and sentences on a consistent time-to-time basis.
A lady, seated not far from me, whom I noticed from before after the Asian man tried making a run and right before I overheard the random preaching man voicing his first statement was talking to a random passenger she did not know about spending 9 years jail-time or something along those lines when I first got on the tram. She was quiet as the man spoke.
Everyone was. All but the man and his echoing words.
A strange anecdote which occupied my mind throughout the whole walk home.
-alexeO-
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Give me reason, but don't give me choice
February 13 2009, KLIA. The last time I stepped foot in Malaysia.
8 long months have passed since then. And in another two approximately, I would be back again. I cannot tell in words how much I am anticipating that day.
But at the same time, those same months in this new land have gave me so much and allowed me to experience even more. During my first two months here, I was certain that back home is where I would be heading after this particular episode comes to a close. Now, however, I cannot be as sure. 8 months seemed so short back home during all my years there but I'd never imagine how much can happen in that period of time when I'm here in Melbourne. And to think that I have another two to go.
As much as I'm missing home now, I know the day when I'm comfortably tugged under my bed back home in KL, I will be thinking so much of my year here that it shows the impossibility of the situation to make a decision without sacrificing one aspect of my life I really really cherish and hope to keep for a long long time.
Maybe I will someday eventually grow out of it, but of which do I choose to grow out of?
I don't think I'll ever make a choice till the last day. Someone, give me a reason.
-alexeO-
Friday, October 02, 2009
Motivation Proclamation
I haven't been blogging because I spent the last few weeks cramming for several assignments which I have to say, I am extremely proud of completing. My most welcomed "mid-semester" break finally came last week at week 11 out of a total of 13 for this semester. Before the break even started, I told a friend of mine I had a feeling it would end rather quickly and so it has. After this week, it's more hardcore cramming for 2-3 more times and if everything goes accordingly, two exams should be the very last assessments I have for... like ever.
I really want to graduate this semester. Despite not knowing what lies ahead next year and so on, I really want to get this phase over with asap. It doesn't help when the lecturer for this subject I'm most afraid of keeps threatening of failing students last year. It is worst when he keeps mentioning some "not-to-dos" in class without mentioning names and I keep 'terasa'-ing every single time he does that. I can only hope that he has some compassion in him, isn't xenophobic, and think of my situation as an international student in his last semester who really really needs to graduate at all costs.
One obvious dilemma I'm facing now is the choice of staying in Melbourne next year or not. My heart tells me I probably should stay but I also do not want to stay for nothing. I need to have something to do. Postgrad seems unlikely not only because I'm sick of scouring books after books journals after journals and write a long tedious essay but I also don't see where that path can lead me to in the future. Even if postgrad becomes a viable option, it will have to be something more generally accepted and recognised like a MBA or something like that.
I might also want to do a short course like in photography or something but so far, none of the things I've looked at interests me. They are either too short, of a different scope, or doesn't have a strong prospect in the working world.
If I decide to work, Malaysia seem to be the more likely place I would end up next year. As much as I love to, as much as the income here is far superior, competitively, I don't think I can be as good as the locals here especially in my field. Simply put, not very confident at all. Praveen is right when he used the word "Jaguh Kampung" to describe people like me. That's what most of us my friends are (admittedly so). That's what I am.
I guess one other option would be taking a break from everything just to slightly calm down and think about my future during that time. A short break, ranging from 3-6 months, where I can do the odd job like part timing or internships, either in Melb or Msia, and properly think about what I would like to really do in the future. I can even take a really short course in some language or something during that time. Looking at it now, Msia seems the more viable place to take such a 'break' financial-wise, but if there's a good 'part-time' thingy I can do in Melb, why not right?
For now though, I'll have to shelve all these thoughts aside temporarily until at least after the 13th of November which is the date for my final paper in my whole studying career. Can't wait for that day. On a relevant sidenote, I don't think I can ask for anymore out of my time here in Melbourne. But that's another topic for another day.
Final push up next.
-alexeO-
I really want to graduate this semester. Despite not knowing what lies ahead next year and so on, I really want to get this phase over with asap. It doesn't help when the lecturer for this subject I'm most afraid of keeps threatening of failing students last year. It is worst when he keeps mentioning some "not-to-dos" in class without mentioning names and I keep 'terasa'-ing every single time he does that. I can only hope that he has some compassion in him, isn't xenophobic, and think of my situation as an international student in his last semester who really really needs to graduate at all costs.
One obvious dilemma I'm facing now is the choice of staying in Melbourne next year or not. My heart tells me I probably should stay but I also do not want to stay for nothing. I need to have something to do. Postgrad seems unlikely not only because I'm sick of scouring books after books journals after journals and write a long tedious essay but I also don't see where that path can lead me to in the future. Even if postgrad becomes a viable option, it will have to be something more generally accepted and recognised like a MBA or something like that.
I might also want to do a short course like in photography or something but so far, none of the things I've looked at interests me. They are either too short, of a different scope, or doesn't have a strong prospect in the working world.
If I decide to work, Malaysia seem to be the more likely place I would end up next year. As much as I love to, as much as the income here is far superior, competitively, I don't think I can be as good as the locals here especially in my field. Simply put, not very confident at all. Praveen is right when he used the word "Jaguh Kampung" to describe people like me. That's what most of us my friends are (admittedly so). That's what I am.
I guess one other option would be taking a break from everything just to slightly calm down and think about my future during that time. A short break, ranging from 3-6 months, where I can do the odd job like part timing or internships, either in Melb or Msia, and properly think about what I would like to really do in the future. I can even take a really short course in some language or something during that time. Looking at it now, Msia seems the more viable place to take such a 'break' financial-wise, but if there's a good 'part-time' thingy I can do in Melb, why not right?
For now though, I'll have to shelve all these thoughts aside temporarily until at least after the 13th of November which is the date for my final paper in my whole studying career. Can't wait for that day. On a relevant sidenote, I don't think I can ask for anymore out of my time here in Melbourne. But that's another topic for another day.
Final push up next.
-alexeO-
Thursday, September 03, 2009
Rant-a-rant
So I thought I can afford to have a lazy weekend this weekend after last week's 'ordeal' when I spent most of my time doing work after work but I guess I thought wrong afterall.
I am taking a stupid compulsory unit which is very much like a preparation for Honours/Masters level of studies in which you are guided to write a huge research essay of your own at the end of the semester. The problem is, every proposed research topic I come out with my lecturer doesn't like so it's now week seven of the semester and I literally have nothing to work with. Hence, no free weekend this week. Everyone else in my class is so far ahead it's depressing really.
Even after the consultation today, all I probably gained from it if anything at all are some bad impressions by the lecturer who probably thinks I'm all stubborn and lazy now. Stubborn for looking as if I kept insisting on my original topic and lazy for not doing enough research. I wasn't stubborn but confused over what he wants! And I wasn't lazy but I just happened to have looked at sources for my INITIAL topic and not what he suggested to me.
My biggest fears for this unit came true and now it's up to me to work things out and get it over with.
One final semester.
I truly understand the expression now of how the last step is always the hardest.
So near yet so far. One thing's for sure, the probability of me doing a research based postgrad after this year has reduced drastically.
What more I'm doing some ridiculously difficult units for this sem. Getting worried now.
How uni students like myself work.
-alexeO-
I am taking a stupid compulsory unit which is very much like a preparation for Honours/Masters level of studies in which you are guided to write a huge research essay of your own at the end of the semester. The problem is, every proposed research topic I come out with my lecturer doesn't like so it's now week seven of the semester and I literally have nothing to work with. Hence, no free weekend this week. Everyone else in my class is so far ahead it's depressing really.
Even after the consultation today, all I probably gained from it if anything at all are some bad impressions by the lecturer who probably thinks I'm all stubborn and lazy now. Stubborn for looking as if I kept insisting on my original topic and lazy for not doing enough research. I wasn't stubborn but confused over what he wants! And I wasn't lazy but I just happened to have looked at sources for my INITIAL topic and not what he suggested to me.
My biggest fears for this unit came true and now it's up to me to work things out and get it over with.
One final semester.
I truly understand the expression now of how the last step is always the hardest.
So near yet so far. One thing's for sure, the probability of me doing a research based postgrad after this year has reduced drastically.
What more I'm doing some ridiculously difficult units for this sem. Getting worried now.
How uni students like myself work.
-alexeO-
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
New Man
In the month of August I got myself:
New kicks. My very own Maroon(purplish-brownish) Converse. Random people spotted with the same color so far in Melbourne: Zero. One of my favourite color tones too.
New cap. This is special because everyone knows I have an above average sized head and throughout my life I was never a cap person because they don't fit my head. Thx to the macho hip-hop baseball full cap culture, I've finally found a cap which fits, and what's more, it makes me look somewhat Jappy-Koreanish too hahahah.
New shirt. A white long-sleeved button shirt. Everyone needs one. And it looks pretty good too. (The mask is new as well, but not worth mentioning, the tie however is borrowed).
New haircut. By one of the more expensive Asian saloons in the city of Melb. I have to admit it was initially pretty intimidating as I've never gotten my hair cut by anyone else before but a hairstylist in KL whom I've visited since I was 10 or something. I like it. Compliments my Jappy-Koreanish style HAHAHAH
Anyong Haseyo, Ogenki desu ka hehehehehe
I certainly hope this is not an indication that I've (finally) caught up with the Melbourne shopping bug. Although I've got a dinner and dance on a cruise ship to attend next month :S
Ahh so much work that needs to be done. Lecturer didn't really like my research proposal so I'm gonna think of rephrasing my question a little bit for my big research paper this sem. Also need to finish a report by this weekend before the Merdeka Celebration at CQ Bar! Thoughts about my future have to be temporarily put on hold first I guess..
Decisions, decisions..
-alexeO-
New kicks. My very own Maroon(purplish-brownish) Converse. Random people spotted with the same color so far in Melbourne: Zero. One of my favourite color tones too.
New cap. This is special because everyone knows I have an above average sized head and throughout my life I was never a cap person because they don't fit my head. Thx to the macho hip-hop baseball full cap culture, I've finally found a cap which fits, and what's more, it makes me look somewhat Jappy-Koreanish too hahahah.
New shirt. A white long-sleeved button shirt. Everyone needs one. And it looks pretty good too. (The mask is new as well, but not worth mentioning, the tie however is borrowed).
New haircut. By one of the more expensive Asian saloons in the city of Melb. I have to admit it was initially pretty intimidating as I've never gotten my hair cut by anyone else before but a hairstylist in KL whom I've visited since I was 10 or something. I like it. Compliments my Jappy-Koreanish style HAHAHAH
Anyong Haseyo, Ogenki desu ka hehehehehe
I certainly hope this is not an indication that I've (finally) caught up with the Melbourne shopping bug. Although I've got a dinner and dance on a cruise ship to attend next month :S
Ahh so much work that needs to be done. Lecturer didn't really like my research proposal so I'm gonna think of rephrasing my question a little bit for my big research paper this sem. Also need to finish a report by this weekend before the Merdeka Celebration at CQ Bar! Thoughts about my future have to be temporarily put on hold first I guess..
Decisions, decisions..
-alexeO-
Monday, August 24, 2009
About alexycy
I blog because I want to share my feelings with other people. If I ever told you I blogged because of any other reasons besides the one I just stated, I lied.
This blog today still serves the same purpose as it did when it was first created. I did not create this blog that many years ago in hopes of becoming famous (even though there were several occasions when I did foolishly think to myself, "why not?") nor did I intend to improve my writing skills or anything like that (although I do acknowledge its help to me linguistically over the years).
I admittedly do not try to hide my blog from my friends, although I do not boast its url out loud to everyone I know. It is not difficult to find my blog if you do a quick 'search' (other stalkers would know what I mean) on FB or even on google. Hence, even though I said I did not intend to be famous, my blog is out there for the world to see, simply because I want people to listen to me.
It could be because around the time during the inception of this blog, I might have felt I wasn't being heard, and my opinions hardly mattered or surfaced in 'real' life, I do not know, and I honestly can't tell if you ask.
All of that, somehow links with the fact that most of my posts on this blog are emotional, whiny, and abstract. Its emotional because I want people to know how I feel, its whiny because I want people to know what I want, and its abstract on purpose because I know a section of my readers would hopefully understand it, without me being overly and unnecessarily direct to that specific few. So yes, some of my abstract posts, might have been about you afterall.
Psychologically, it could mean that I am indeed a failure in real life, and that I am so helpless that I'd need a blog to keep me happy and satisfied. But it is my way and form of release and expression, and I believe it is something which everyone does differently.
So I might be at the end of the day diagnosed as simply incapable of properly expressing myself in the real world. So be it.
As long as my 'bad side' as I always like to say, does not hurt others, I will never see it as a major issue I'd need to overcome. (And that, I would say, is an indirect bullet to some of the readers of this blog, of course it isn't so 'indirect' now that I've mentioned it, heh)
So maybe all these explain why there are more posts during physically and emotionally stressful periods, and less when life is plain ol'. Emotionally stressed on my own definition could also mean outbursts of extreme joy or satisfaction, and that explains the occasional 'happy' posts, if you like.
How did this post come about anyway? I only wanted to remind myself to post something up soon, because it is precisely at this moment when I feel the need to share my feelings with my readers who are all friends and people I know in real life, but I ended up explaining too much as usual.
But that's okay, because a post like this is enlightening and insightful to me on a personal level, at least.
Why do some people act the way they do? Why is it not possible for every party to be happy at the same time?
Need to step up alexycy, need to step up.
-alexeO-
This blog today still serves the same purpose as it did when it was first created. I did not create this blog that many years ago in hopes of becoming famous (even though there were several occasions when I did foolishly think to myself, "why not?") nor did I intend to improve my writing skills or anything like that (although I do acknowledge its help to me linguistically over the years).
I admittedly do not try to hide my blog from my friends, although I do not boast its url out loud to everyone I know. It is not difficult to find my blog if you do a quick 'search' (other stalkers would know what I mean) on FB or even on google. Hence, even though I said I did not intend to be famous, my blog is out there for the world to see, simply because I want people to listen to me.
It could be because around the time during the inception of this blog, I might have felt I wasn't being heard, and my opinions hardly mattered or surfaced in 'real' life, I do not know, and I honestly can't tell if you ask.
All of that, somehow links with the fact that most of my posts on this blog are emotional, whiny, and abstract. Its emotional because I want people to know how I feel, its whiny because I want people to know what I want, and its abstract on purpose because I know a section of my readers would hopefully understand it, without me being overly and unnecessarily direct to that specific few. So yes, some of my abstract posts, might have been about you afterall.
Psychologically, it could mean that I am indeed a failure in real life, and that I am so helpless that I'd need a blog to keep me happy and satisfied. But it is my way and form of release and expression, and I believe it is something which everyone does differently.
So I might be at the end of the day diagnosed as simply incapable of properly expressing myself in the real world. So be it.
As long as my 'bad side' as I always like to say, does not hurt others, I will never see it as a major issue I'd need to overcome. (And that, I would say, is an indirect bullet to some of the readers of this blog, of course it isn't so 'indirect' now that I've mentioned it, heh)
So maybe all these explain why there are more posts during physically and emotionally stressful periods, and less when life is plain ol'. Emotionally stressed on my own definition could also mean outbursts of extreme joy or satisfaction, and that explains the occasional 'happy' posts, if you like.
How did this post come about anyway? I only wanted to remind myself to post something up soon, because it is precisely at this moment when I feel the need to share my feelings with my readers who are all friends and people I know in real life, but I ended up explaining too much as usual.
But that's okay, because a post like this is enlightening and insightful to me on a personal level, at least.
Why do some people act the way they do? Why is it not possible for every party to be happy at the same time?
Need to step up alexycy, need to step up.
-alexeO-
Sunday, August 16, 2009
The Arsenal Pledge
Fab wants trophies. Arshavin aims for 5 goals, 1 game. Eduardo's back.
09/10 season.
Bring it on.
-alexeO-
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
Sunday, August 02, 2009
Lost Cause
2:32pm.
I just woke up from a strange dream which had me preparing dinner in Armadale while Karina was assisting me. I remember being scared of the fire and that I was preparing curry with potatoes. I remember contemplating using beef or chicken and that in the end, we used beef first then planned to put in the chicken later. Karina and I then fought over the cutting of the chicken and then I woke up.
Recently, I've been fighting for a lost cause. The difficult thing is, I do not seem to be fleeing from the battle but pushing on, in ways that I can, hoping that when I fight long enough, my perseverance would be rewarded in one way or another. But I know the outlook is grim. I know it's a lost cause. So unless I find that trigger to make me flee, all I'm doing now is wounding myself more each day, inflicting damage, and some maybe permanent scars.
To be honest, it isn't half as hurtful as it sounds. But there is the need to be dramatic so there you go. I just wish that I get what (I believe) I deserve sometimes.
Could I possibly be a very misunderstood boy? Perhaps. But then again everyone can say the same to a certain degree.
Because this post is verging on CRAZILY annoying, I shan't write anymore.
Ah, if only I can load back to my last saved game.
-alexeO-
I just woke up from a strange dream which had me preparing dinner in Armadale while Karina was assisting me. I remember being scared of the fire and that I was preparing curry with potatoes. I remember contemplating using beef or chicken and that in the end, we used beef first then planned to put in the chicken later. Karina and I then fought over the cutting of the chicken and then I woke up.
Recently, I've been fighting for a lost cause. The difficult thing is, I do not seem to be fleeing from the battle but pushing on, in ways that I can, hoping that when I fight long enough, my perseverance would be rewarded in one way or another. But I know the outlook is grim. I know it's a lost cause. So unless I find that trigger to make me flee, all I'm doing now is wounding myself more each day, inflicting damage, and some maybe permanent scars.
To be honest, it isn't half as hurtful as it sounds. But there is the need to be dramatic so there you go. I just wish that I get what (I believe) I deserve sometimes.
Could I possibly be a very misunderstood boy? Perhaps. But then again everyone can say the same to a certain degree.
Because this post is verging on CRAZILY annoying, I shan't write anymore.
Ah, if only I can load back to my last saved game.
-alexeO-
Thursday, July 30, 2009
New addition
New poster in my room pasted right opposite my bed.
Something to remind myself everytime I get up in the morning, or afternoon.. or evening.
The caption, not so much the glasses.
-alexeO-
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Present > Future
Uni officially starts tomorrow.
I am obviously not looking forward to it due to several reasons.
Firstly, and clearly, the workload sucks. Secondly, it may also mean the end of my university chapter, which equals to the start of the working-slave-to-capitalism chapter which is everything I am against to (but at the same time cannot do anything about which sucks even more for me). Subsequently, it will/may also imply the end of my Melbourne chapter which is one of the worst things that could happen now I think.
Sometimes I feel that my incomplete chores and dirty laundry isn't a simple direct consequence of my sheer laziness but more. Maybe I do want to leave things unpacked. Maybe I want things to be unready for the upcoming semester. Maybe, completed chores and clean laundry could imply that I'm all geared up and embracing the upcoming semester with open arms. Maybe deep down inside, subconsciously, I do not want anything to change and more so, anything to end.
My last semester. I am quite literally torn between two opposing spectrums. At one point, I want to do well, graduate, and get all these over with and at the other, I do not want this chapter to come to a dead fullstop.
I have built a new shell in which I must destroy and crawl out of again very soon.
Not looking forward to it - at all.
-alexeO-
I am obviously not looking forward to it due to several reasons.
Firstly, and clearly, the workload sucks. Secondly, it may also mean the end of my university chapter, which equals to the start of the working-slave-to-capitalism chapter which is everything I am against to (but at the same time cannot do anything about which sucks even more for me). Subsequently, it will/may also imply the end of my Melbourne chapter which is one of the worst things that could happen now I think.
Sometimes I feel that my incomplete chores and dirty laundry isn't a simple direct consequence of my sheer laziness but more. Maybe I do want to leave things unpacked. Maybe I want things to be unready for the upcoming semester. Maybe, completed chores and clean laundry could imply that I'm all geared up and embracing the upcoming semester with open arms. Maybe deep down inside, subconsciously, I do not want anything to change and more so, anything to end.
My last semester. I am quite literally torn between two opposing spectrums. At one point, I want to do well, graduate, and get all these over with and at the other, I do not want this chapter to come to a dead fullstop.
I have built a new shell in which I must destroy and crawl out of again very soon.
Not looking forward to it - at all.
-alexeO-
Monday, July 06, 2009
Sunday, July 05, 2009
Mourn
Gold Coast was great.
The only little regret is probably going to be the fact that I didn't end up going to Dreamland but oh well.
Didn't really feel like going back to dark, cold and miserable Melbourne but didn't really have a choice there do I, hahah.
The end of the Gold Coast trip signified the end of so much more than just the trip itself.
If only everyday is like the past 4 days, and nobody ever has to go back to uni or work etc.
Too much to do, too little time.
I am tired of my juggling act - in almost every aspect there is.
-alexeO-
The only little regret is probably going to be the fact that I didn't end up going to Dreamland but oh well.
Didn't really feel like going back to dark, cold and miserable Melbourne but didn't really have a choice there do I, hahah.
The end of the Gold Coast trip signified the end of so much more than just the trip itself.
If only everyday is like the past 4 days, and nobody ever has to go back to uni or work etc.
Too much to do, too little time.
I am tired of my juggling act - in almost every aspect there is.
-alexeO-
Sunday, June 28, 2009
The Sociological Big Bang
I like how, we all live our own little individual lives, then one day our lives cross path and intersect and we become apart of each others lives, no matter how big or small the extent is.
If you're reading this post, chances are you lived your own Alex-less life until you met me, and whether I make you happy or otherwise now, you still felt the same emotions or otherwise while you lived a pre-Alex life, before you met me basically. In other words, there was any other person or thing which played the Alex role in your life before you met me, or if there wasn't, it means that I have brought something new and special to your life and that's just awesome.
Wow I've complicated something in words which I could understand so easily in my head.
Anyway, I just thought it was cool that two separate individuals can grow up, mature, live and consequently mould their respective identities according to their own happenings in life, without knowing the existence of one another, and then there comes the day when these 2 individuals cross path and the effects of this "intersection" I think, to me at least is very interesting. Particularly when these individuals are considerably so sure of their own identities are lives already.
An example could be the people we meet in university or the workplace I guess.
I think this mostly boils down to the uniqueness in the individual and all.
I don't know the point of this post. It has been something I've been thinking of and reading things such as relatively 'new' friends' super old blog archives simply make me wonder.
In fact I shouldn't even be thinking things like that or reading blog archives now. Paper up very soon.
I hope I succeeded in making it sound as interesting as it is in my head. :( You get the point. I hope.
-alexeO-
If you're reading this post, chances are you lived your own Alex-less life until you met me, and whether I make you happy or otherwise now, you still felt the same emotions or otherwise while you lived a pre-Alex life, before you met me basically. In other words, there was any other person or thing which played the Alex role in your life before you met me, or if there wasn't, it means that I have brought something new and special to your life and that's just awesome.
Wow I've complicated something in words which I could understand so easily in my head.
Anyway, I just thought it was cool that two separate individuals can grow up, mature, live and consequently mould their respective identities according to their own happenings in life, without knowing the existence of one another, and then there comes the day when these 2 individuals cross path and the effects of this "intersection" I think, to me at least is very interesting. Particularly when these individuals are considerably so sure of their own identities are lives already.
An example could be the people we meet in university or the workplace I guess.
I think this mostly boils down to the uniqueness in the individual and all.
I don't know the point of this post. It has been something I've been thinking of and reading things such as relatively 'new' friends' super old blog archives simply make me wonder.
In fact I shouldn't even be thinking things like that or reading blog archives now. Paper up very soon.
I hope I succeeded in making it sound as interesting as it is in my head. :( You get the point. I hope.
-alexeO-
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Sunday, June 14, 2009
I Broke My Mug
I wish I have something to blog about.
Partly because there is nothing to note or share in this idle period, partly because I'm being typically restrictive on my part because I have to.
Whatever it is, to know, to feel something, good or bad, is better than feeling nothing and having no idea at all, having no control, no knowledge, no grasp, no grip of the situation and the events around you. Afterall, emotions make me feel alive and human, and I'm not very good at being spontaneous.
For now, to sum my current state of mind - tugged the line too hard, wish things are how I want them to be.
Hence,
I wish I have something to blog about.
And I probably will after I get my photos uploaded.
-alexeO-
Partly because there is nothing to note or share in this idle period, partly because I'm being typically restrictive on my part because I have to.
Whatever it is, to know, to feel something, good or bad, is better than feeling nothing and having no idea at all, having no control, no knowledge, no grasp, no grip of the situation and the events around you. Afterall, emotions make me feel alive and human, and I'm not very good at being spontaneous.
For now, to sum my current state of mind - tugged the line too hard, wish things are how I want them to be.
Hence,
I wish I have something to blog about.
And I probably will after I get my photos uploaded.
-alexeO-
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
Zombie Flu
Update on HINI 09 influenza
***********************************************************************
A message from the Vice-Chancellor, Professor Richard Larkins AO
***********************************************************************
Following a significant increase in the number of confirmed cases of HINI
09 in Victoria, it is now almost certain that in the next one or two
weeks
confirmed cases of HINI 09 will emerge amongst students and staff at
Monash. Such confirmed cases will be reported by the testing laboratories
to the Department of Human Services (DHS), who in turn will work with the
University to implement appropriate infectious disease management
procedures as usual.
State and federal health authorities are considering a change in the
current level of alert from the "contain" phase to the "sustain" phase of
the Pandemic plan. During the "sustain" phase, which lasts until a
vaccine is available, quarantine is limited to people who share a home
with a confirmed case of H1N1 09. In the 'sustain" phase, anti-viral
medication is not given to people who present with typical flu-like
symptoms, and schools and workplaces are not usually subject to closure.
What this may mean for Monash
It is likely that throughout the "sustain" phase, DHS will not recommend
closure or restriction of activities of any part of the University, and
therefore classes and examinations, like all other activities, will
proceed as usual. The University will continue to liaise closely with DHS
and cooperate fully with their requirements.
Personal responsibility
Reducing transmission of this virus requires an increased level of
effective hand washing and cough etiquette together with a reduction in
hand to face contact. These remain the most important actions that you
can
take to limit the spread of this virus. The University has arranged for
the installation of portable alcohol based hand wash stations in and
around all food outlets and eating areas and you are encouraged to clean
your hands thoroughly before eating.
It is important that staff and students act responsibly in the interests
of their own and their colleague's health. If you are unwell and think
that you may have flu-like symptoms, it is important you consult your own
local doctor immediately and do not come to University until your doctor
advises it is appropriate to do so. As I am sure you will understand
given
the current situation, the University Health Service is extremely busy at
this time and immediate access may not always be possible.
For further information and health tips visit
http://www.adm.monash.edu.au/ohse/news/swine-flu.html
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Please do not reply to this email as it has been sent from an unattended
mailbox.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Oi. A bit scary can?
I don't know if it is the recent zombie movie I watched or zombie game I played but this really feels like one of those letters in those movies/games before everyone became a zombie and started devouring any surviving human beings left AHHHH.
=S
Third or fourth email I've received from the university on the flu outbreak.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
It gets worst everytime.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
The first line of that email was particularly disturbing.
In fact this very blog post could be used in the very same zombie movie/game AHHHHHHHH. Like how it is saved here and read in an empty house where the hero/heroine is to save the day from the zombie invasion. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Cause whoever who was reading the blog post had already been eaten by a zombie and turned to a zombie him/herself AHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
On a serious note (actually I was seriously quite serious throughout this post), my flu has recovered. PHEW.
And I wouldn't need to be scared of being in an examination hall with an "infected" because my next paper is in roughly.. 27 days time. WHICH COULD BE A CURSE IN DISGUISE BECAUSE BY THEN THE FLU MIGHT HAVE INCREASED AND EVOLVED LIKE ANYTHING!!
GL HF folks! While I shelter myself in my very flu-less house! For now! SHIT I WON'T JINX IT!
-alexeO-
***********************************************************************
A message from the Vice-Chancellor, Professor Richard Larkins AO
***********************************************************************
Following a significant increase in the number of confirmed cases of HINI
09 in Victoria, it is now almost certain that in the next one or two
weeks
confirmed cases of HINI 09 will emerge amongst students and staff at
Monash. Such confirmed cases will be reported by the testing laboratories
to the Department of Human Services (DHS), who in turn will work with the
University to implement appropriate infectious disease management
procedures as usual.
State and federal health authorities are considering a change in the
current level of alert from the "contain" phase to the "sustain" phase of
the Pandemic plan. During the "sustain" phase, which lasts until a
vaccine is available, quarantine is limited to people who share a home
with a confirmed case of H1N1 09. In the 'sustain" phase, anti-viral
medication is not given to people who present with typical flu-like
symptoms, and schools and workplaces are not usually subject to closure.
What this may mean for Monash
It is likely that throughout the "sustain" phase, DHS will not recommend
closure or restriction of activities of any part of the University, and
therefore classes and examinations, like all other activities, will
proceed as usual. The University will continue to liaise closely with DHS
and cooperate fully with their requirements.
Personal responsibility
Reducing transmission of this virus requires an increased level of
effective hand washing and cough etiquette together with a reduction in
hand to face contact. These remain the most important actions that you
can
take to limit the spread of this virus. The University has arranged for
the installation of portable alcohol based hand wash stations in and
around all food outlets and eating areas and you are encouraged to clean
your hands thoroughly before eating.
It is important that staff and students act responsibly in the interests
of their own and their colleague's health. If you are unwell and think
that you may have flu-like symptoms, it is important you consult your own
local doctor immediately and do not come to University until your doctor
advises it is appropriate to do so. As I am sure you will understand
given
the current situation, the University Health Service is extremely busy at
this time and immediate access may not always be possible.
For further information and health tips visit
http://www.adm.monash.edu.au/ohse/news/swine-flu.html
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Please do not reply to this email as it has been sent from an unattended
mailbox.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Oi. A bit scary can?
I don't know if it is the recent zombie movie I watched or zombie game I played but this really feels like one of those letters in those movies/games before everyone became a zombie and started devouring any surviving human beings left AHHHH.
=S
Third or fourth email I've received from the university on the flu outbreak.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
It gets worst everytime.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
The first line of that email was particularly disturbing.
In fact this very blog post could be used in the very same zombie movie/game AHHHHHHHH. Like how it is saved here and read in an empty house where the hero/heroine is to save the day from the zombie invasion. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Cause whoever who was reading the blog post had already been eaten by a zombie and turned to a zombie him/herself AHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
On a serious note (actually I was seriously quite serious throughout this post), my flu has recovered. PHEW.
And I wouldn't need to be scared of being in an examination hall with an "infected" because my next paper is in roughly.. 27 days time. WHICH COULD BE A CURSE IN DISGUISE BECAUSE BY THEN THE FLU MIGHT HAVE INCREASED AND EVOLVED LIKE ANYTHING!!
GL HF folks! While I shelter myself in my very flu-less house! For now! SHIT I WON'T JINX IT!
-alexeO-
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Hehe
This week definitely isn't getting my life back on track week. Next week probably wouldn't be hardcore studying week.
If they have to be something-something week then they have to be crumpled shirts week.
This is what happens when you do not have an iron at home and you are too lazy/have no time to immediately fold and hang your clothes right after you take them out from the dryer. Learn it from me kids. If you don't want your friends to stare and point and scoff at you when you are not looking, or worst, when you are, either get a freaking iron or arrange your clothes immediately. (Or you could also put on a jacket and zip it up high for the next 2 weeks but that's not the point)
Now there's a huge pile of clothes half in the basket, half on my bed, some spilling/or have spilled to the ground, littered all over my room. Getting my life back on track alright. And this week has also been weird nap times week. GETTING MY LIFE BACK ON TRACK ALRIGHT ALEXYEO.
I have 3 tests next week which I was supposed to spend this whole week preparing for but I have not. This weekend seems occupied from a glance but I must somehow squeeze studying in. After this week I will be free for 3 weeks before one paper then I'll have another fun-filled, Gold Coast, clubbing, chilling with friends bound 3 weeks break before the next semester which also happens to be my final one. HAHAHAHA EXCITED!
Had my last class today minus the tests next week. 5 bucks I got zero for participation marks for 4 out of 4 of my subjects this semester.
Wuhoo!
Just felt like saying that.
-alexeO-
If they have to be something-something week then they have to be crumpled shirts week.
This is what happens when you do not have an iron at home and you are too lazy/have no time to immediately fold and hang your clothes right after you take them out from the dryer. Learn it from me kids. If you don't want your friends to stare and point and scoff at you when you are not looking, or worst, when you are, either get a freaking iron or arrange your clothes immediately. (Or you could also put on a jacket and zip it up high for the next 2 weeks but that's not the point)
Now there's a huge pile of clothes half in the basket, half on my bed, some spilling/or have spilled to the ground, littered all over my room. Getting my life back on track alright. And this week has also been weird nap times week. GETTING MY LIFE BACK ON TRACK ALRIGHT ALEXYEO.
I have 3 tests next week which I was supposed to spend this whole week preparing for but I have not. This weekend seems occupied from a glance but I must somehow squeeze studying in. After this week I will be free for 3 weeks before one paper then I'll have another fun-filled, Gold Coast, clubbing, chilling with friends bound 3 weeks break before the next semester which also happens to be my final one. HAHAHAHA EXCITED!
Had my last class today minus the tests next week. 5 bucks I got zero for participation marks for 4 out of 4 of my subjects this semester.
Wuhoo!
Just felt like saying that.
-alexeO-
Monday, May 25, 2009
O.o
The strangest thing just happened.
So I have a class today at 10AM right, but it was only 9pm the night before and I was already feeling incredibly sleepy.
So I set my alarm at 12am thinking that I would take a 3-hour nap then wake up for a couple of more hours before finally going back to sleep for the class at 10.
At 10PM I woke up, feeling quite refreshed and quite confused on how it could only be one hour because it certainly felt like I dreamed so much and took a much longer sleep but I psycho-ed myself then that since it was only an hour I still had some time to spare so I closed my eyes and continued my nap. It must be also then that I resetted my alarm to 1AM.
Many many dreams later, the sleep was DEEP I promise you, I groggily opened my eyes to check the time.
12:45.
Oh SHIT MY 10AM CLASS!
I literally felt like shit because I made an oath this week to attend every class because they're the last before my tests and I was already thinking at that time of the amount I've missed and the possible 'tips' I did not get to hear. =(
While scolding myself, I kept calculating the hours I've slept and how I've managed to sleep for 15 hours.
The sleep felt long, but in a way also, not THAT long??
I looked at the tiny little alarm clock logo at the top right of my phone. It was still there.
Could I have resetted it to 1PM instead when I was half asleep?
But I rechecked and it stated 1AM. ;O. I went to check the AM/PM and what do you know. It was 12 hours before the time I thought it was. ;O
It was damn strange because it was in reality only 3-4 hours but the sleep felt damn seriously long.
It didn't feel 15 HOURS long but definitely closer to that than 3-4 hours..
I remember at that time of ranting to myself how I've missed the last lecture of the semester for that subject, I was thinking the things I would have done differently if I could turn back time and how it's all too late now..
So the actual realization that I wasn't 'late' for my class felt pretty damn good.
After all these, I better not oversleep my 'second' sleep for the night. =S
*
I've a presentation on wednesday shit. Abit nervous but still managing to keep it under control.
My first time to a class of ang mohs. Ahh abit intimidating but I'll take comfort in the fact that they wouldn't expect any more from me anyway heheh.
Bai.
-alexeO-
So I have a class today at 10AM right, but it was only 9pm the night before and I was already feeling incredibly sleepy.
So I set my alarm at 12am thinking that I would take a 3-hour nap then wake up for a couple of more hours before finally going back to sleep for the class at 10.
At 10PM I woke up, feeling quite refreshed and quite confused on how it could only be one hour because it certainly felt like I dreamed so much and took a much longer sleep but I psycho-ed myself then that since it was only an hour I still had some time to spare so I closed my eyes and continued my nap. It must be also then that I resetted my alarm to 1AM.
Many many dreams later, the sleep was DEEP I promise you, I groggily opened my eyes to check the time.
12:45.
Oh SHIT MY 10AM CLASS!
I literally felt like shit because I made an oath this week to attend every class because they're the last before my tests and I was already thinking at that time of the amount I've missed and the possible 'tips' I did not get to hear. =(
While scolding myself, I kept calculating the hours I've slept and how I've managed to sleep for 15 hours.
The sleep felt long, but in a way also, not THAT long??
I looked at the tiny little alarm clock logo at the top right of my phone. It was still there.
Could I have resetted it to 1PM instead when I was half asleep?
But I rechecked and it stated 1AM. ;O. I went to check the AM/PM and what do you know. It was 12 hours before the time I thought it was. ;O
It was damn strange because it was in reality only 3-4 hours but the sleep felt damn seriously long.
It didn't feel 15 HOURS long but definitely closer to that than 3-4 hours..
I remember at that time of ranting to myself how I've missed the last lecture of the semester for that subject, I was thinking the things I would have done differently if I could turn back time and how it's all too late now..
So the actual realization that I wasn't 'late' for my class felt pretty damn good.
After all these, I better not oversleep my 'second' sleep for the night. =S
*
I've a presentation on wednesday shit. Abit nervous but still managing to keep it under control.
My first time to a class of ang mohs. Ahh abit intimidating but I'll take comfort in the fact that they wouldn't expect any more from me anyway heheh.
Bai.
-alexeO-
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Second last week of the semester before my double holiday, coming right up
The past week was officially gluttony week.
The upcoming week will hopefully be getting my life back on track week.
The following week will have to be hardcore study mode week.
Having the two coming weeks back-to-back will be tough to the 'getting my life back on track' part but I will try. If not, then I'll just have that week this week as planned, and then postpone the life back on track thing to the week after that no problemo. Skip one week no biggie. Hehe.
random post divider
How do you stop disliking someone you just cannot dislike due to certain circumstances? It's eating me up insideeeeeee.
Maybe the person should stop acting like the bitch s/he is then all this would become unnecessary.
I am NOT a hater.
At least not anymore..
seriously.
but you can't help it if some people just never learn/change/mature/wisened-up. Unlike me. Hehe.
I sound as though I'm speaking from a better-than-thou position and it'll be really annoying if I read someone talking like that but trust me I'm not. In fact I almost always give people a benefit of a doubt and do not judge that early (at least not anymore i promise you) but there comes a time when you know when too much's too much and that you are right.
Ok time to sleep. Had damn good pork ribs today with damn good sauce. Hah beat that suckers.
And stop trying to guess who that person is.
Good night/morning.
-alexeO-
The upcoming week will hopefully be getting my life back on track week.
The following week will have to be hardcore study mode week.
Having the two coming weeks back-to-back will be tough to the 'getting my life back on track' part but I will try. If not, then I'll just have that week this week as planned, and then postpone the life back on track thing to the week after that no problemo. Skip one week no biggie. Hehe.
random post divider
How do you stop disliking someone you just cannot dislike due to certain circumstances? It's eating me up insideeeeeee.
Maybe the person should stop acting like the bitch s/he is then all this would become unnecessary.
I am NOT a hater.
At least not anymore..
seriously.
but you can't help it if some people just never learn/change/mature/wisened-up. Unlike me. Hehe.
I sound as though I'm speaking from a better-than-thou position and it'll be really annoying if I read someone talking like that but trust me I'm not. In fact I almost always give people a benefit of a doubt and do not judge that early (at least not anymore i promise you) but there comes a time when you know when too much's too much and that you are right.
Ok time to sleep. Had damn good pork ribs today with damn good sauce. Hah beat that suckers.
And stop trying to guess who that person is.
Good night/morning.
-alexeO-
Saturday, May 23, 2009
My First Time
.. at a rave.
1) Big burly white men. Many big burly white men.
2) .. with cool trademark dance. Fun to imitate.
3) Very dirty floor. At one point I couldn't dance properly because whenever I raised my right foot, it needed to get past the stickiness first. Kept swiping random 'debris' off the sole of my shoe.
4) RnB dance steps don't work.
5) Beer + Trance + Laser = Heaven
6) Situation which I kinda expected before going kinda happened. People getting excited over something which I have no idea on.
7) Luckily my little homework helped. The best parts were listening to the songs I became familiar with over the course of the past few weeks.
8) The bunch of us squeezed in the highest podium towards the end and I liked that. Great view, and just us. Actually it wasn't a 'podium' podium. It was more like a 'cage' thing for the go-go dancers. ;O
9) Started off slow, maybe I was too sober, maybe I didn't know what was going on, but adapted nicely somewhere in the middle. ;)
10) Completely exhausted with an hour or so to go, lack of sleep the night before, and standing for that many hours isn't exactly relaxing. But "Who Will Find Me" woke me up.
11) Ears ringing post-rave.
12) Hopefully the next time I will be more familiar with the tracks!
13) Cannot walk properly now because sole of feet hurts. =<
Sunrise now. Gdnight.
-alexeO-
1) Big burly white men. Many big burly white men.
2) .. with cool trademark dance. Fun to imitate.
3) Very dirty floor. At one point I couldn't dance properly because whenever I raised my right foot, it needed to get past the stickiness first. Kept swiping random 'debris' off the sole of my shoe.
4) RnB dance steps don't work.
5) Beer + Trance + Laser = Heaven
6) Situation which I kinda expected before going kinda happened. People getting excited over something which I have no idea on.
7) Luckily my little homework helped. The best parts were listening to the songs I became familiar with over the course of the past few weeks.
8) The bunch of us squeezed in the highest podium towards the end and I liked that. Great view, and just us. Actually it wasn't a 'podium' podium. It was more like a 'cage' thing for the go-go dancers. ;O
9) Started off slow, maybe I was too sober, maybe I didn't know what was going on, but adapted nicely somewhere in the middle. ;)
10) Completely exhausted with an hour or so to go, lack of sleep the night before, and standing for that many hours isn't exactly relaxing. But "Who Will Find Me" woke me up.
11) Ears ringing post-rave.
12) Hopefully the next time I will be more familiar with the tracks!
13) Cannot walk properly now because sole of feet hurts. =<
Sunrise now. Gdnight.
-alexeO-
Monday, May 18, 2009
Ova!
Sidenote: I think I'm a superhuman.
*
Mizan inspired me to do this so here's a belated birthday post to guy with his eyes closed.
Happy 21st, Kelvin Pui. Hopefully this wouldn't be the last time I'm celebrating your birthday with you. If it is, well, then at least it was a whole lot of fun. :/
After this post, how can I still be lanci anymore right?
*
I can't stop sneezing! I sneezed at least 5 times typing this post alone! Stop bitching about me!
*
Got some space to breathe now. Maybe I can finally start watching my series hahah prav. Or reset my body clock hahah.
*
I'm 161cm to anyone who's wondering.
*
Bai.
-alexeO-
*
Mizan inspired me to do this so here's a belated birthday post to guy with his eyes closed.
Happy 21st, Kelvin Pui. Hopefully this wouldn't be the last time I'm celebrating your birthday with you. If it is, well, then at least it was a whole lot of fun. :/
After this post, how can I still be lanci anymore right?
*
I can't stop sneezing! I sneezed at least 5 times typing this post alone! Stop bitching about me!
*
Got some space to breathe now. Maybe I can finally start watching my series hahah prav. Or reset my body clock hahah.
*
I'm 161cm to anyone who's wondering.
*
Bai.
-alexeO-
Sunday, May 17, 2009
3 Months, 3 Days
Most of the time, I do the odd thing that makes me feel that my capabilities are so much more far reaching than what my 'general' performance currently warrants.
Or rather, my laziness creates such an incredibly impenetrable force field that nothing else, potentially or not, matters anymore.
It is so extreme that its second-naturedness to my life doesn't even seem to bother me anymore. I genuinely don't feel any remorse or 'regret' that a particular thing could have been done that much better in an equally better way if not for my laziness.
Screw healthier eating habits, screw a better body clock, screw a more active lifestyle.
How does any of that even matter if the fundamentals of every single thing are already flawed to begin with?
If I'm going to have a resolution that I am going to make and stick with, it has to be getting my fking ass off my chair and just... do it, whatever 'it' might be. Distractions are an excuse but the essence of it all is ultimately, the four letter L word. To stay away from 'distractions' simply implies giving no space for laziness to shapeshift and present itself in a different form altogether.
What good are my capabilities - however out-of-this-world they might be - if laziness is the overarching theme of my life. I cannot even take the first step. Fullstop.
I suddenly feel extremely dirty and disgusting.
I think if there is something to be gained from this whole study abroad experience, successfully solving this aspect of my life has to be the greatest achievement I can ever ask for.
Moving on from the little essay on self-improvement I just wrote, I really feel I have learned so much academically or not in my 3 months in Melbourne so far. In university and to a lesser but significant extent outside, I learned how to apply the very theories I learn in uni properly this year by balancing it nicely with the usual aspects of my life without compromising any in anyways whatsoever. That statement does sound nerdy but what I learn aren't exactly physics or algebra so... hahahah.
I used to blame my course for making me think too much, but I realized that 'too much' didn't need to be taxing or discouraging on you at all and I could actually pick out the empowering aspects of it.
About 2 weeks ago, I sat in front of my computer in my little room and had a sudden moment of epiphany or realization that wow, I cannot believe I'm actually in Melbourne now studying abroad in a university. There were so many things 'wrong' about that I didn't even bother breaking them down one by one. Melbourne - abroad - university - etc. All I did was just to be wow-ed and enthralled by the entire situation of it all. I appreciated its significance even more because I believe it is a feeling difficult to imagine now but when the day I finally step out of this whole bubble comes, I will look back at this and get captivated by the entire experience and every little thing that comes along with it.
But.. have to be less lazy first -________-
*
Here's a funny comic strip I follow:
Hahahahah.. most of the time we like it because we know it's true..
Too long a post. Too late a time.
Goodnight.
-alexeO-
Or rather, my laziness creates such an incredibly impenetrable force field that nothing else, potentially or not, matters anymore.
It is so extreme that its second-naturedness to my life doesn't even seem to bother me anymore. I genuinely don't feel any remorse or 'regret' that a particular thing could have been done that much better in an equally better way if not for my laziness.
Screw healthier eating habits, screw a better body clock, screw a more active lifestyle.
How does any of that even matter if the fundamentals of every single thing are already flawed to begin with?
If I'm going to have a resolution that I am going to make and stick with, it has to be getting my fking ass off my chair and just... do it, whatever 'it' might be. Distractions are an excuse but the essence of it all is ultimately, the four letter L word. To stay away from 'distractions' simply implies giving no space for laziness to shapeshift and present itself in a different form altogether.
What good are my capabilities - however out-of-this-world they might be - if laziness is the overarching theme of my life. I cannot even take the first step. Fullstop.
I suddenly feel extremely dirty and disgusting.
I think if there is something to be gained from this whole study abroad experience, successfully solving this aspect of my life has to be the greatest achievement I can ever ask for.
Moving on from the little essay on self-improvement I just wrote, I really feel I have learned so much academically or not in my 3 months in Melbourne so far. In university and to a lesser but significant extent outside, I learned how to apply the very theories I learn in uni properly this year by balancing it nicely with the usual aspects of my life without compromising any in anyways whatsoever. That statement does sound nerdy but what I learn aren't exactly physics or algebra so... hahahah.
I used to blame my course for making me think too much, but I realized that 'too much' didn't need to be taxing or discouraging on you at all and I could actually pick out the empowering aspects of it.
About 2 weeks ago, I sat in front of my computer in my little room and had a sudden moment of epiphany or realization that wow, I cannot believe I'm actually in Melbourne now studying abroad in a university. There were so many things 'wrong' about that I didn't even bother breaking them down one by one. Melbourne - abroad - university - etc. All I did was just to be wow-ed and enthralled by the entire situation of it all. I appreciated its significance even more because I believe it is a feeling difficult to imagine now but when the day I finally step out of this whole bubble comes, I will look back at this and get captivated by the entire experience and every little thing that comes along with it.
But.. have to be less lazy first -________-
*
Here's a funny comic strip I follow:
Hahahahah.. most of the time we like it because we know it's true..
Too long a post. Too late a time.
Goodnight.
-alexeO-
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Woe is Me
Today I truly get the meaning/expression of feeling completely drained.
And I'm only halfway through my workload. And after this pile of work or 'wave', as I would like to call it, a presentation(not that stressful) and tests await.
To be frank I am quite sick of this semester already and I cannot wait for it to end. Maybe it's the combination of subjects I've selected, maybe it's the poor start to it due to bad adaptability.. but I'm sick. Both figuratively and literally.
I am very tempted to whine and complain about the amount I have to read and write each time for my assignments but I won't because I am going to take the initiative to actually be 'interested' in what I'm learning because it can really sound exciting if you look at it in a different way from how I have been looking at it.
My next assignment I don't quite get and it has the highest word limit. From next Tuesday onwards, I SHOULD be able to take some time off thinking and stressing about work at least for a little while before my tests and then my double holiday mid-year.
Sharing my burden makes me feel that tad bit better so thanks for hearing me out. I doubt anyone has read till this far anyway.
Can't wait for the day when I can wake up from my bed without thinking of what I'll do for the rest of the day. Before the party at night. Haha.
-alexeO-
And I'm only halfway through my workload. And after this pile of work or 'wave', as I would like to call it, a presentation(not that stressful) and tests await.
To be frank I am quite sick of this semester already and I cannot wait for it to end. Maybe it's the combination of subjects I've selected, maybe it's the poor start to it due to bad adaptability.. but I'm sick. Both figuratively and literally.
I am very tempted to whine and complain about the amount I have to read and write each time for my assignments but I won't because I am going to take the initiative to actually be 'interested' in what I'm learning because it can really sound exciting if you look at it in a different way from how I have been looking at it.
My next assignment I don't quite get and it has the highest word limit. From next Tuesday onwards, I SHOULD be able to take some time off thinking and stressing about work at least for a little while before my tests and then my double holiday mid-year.
Sharing my burden makes me feel that tad bit better so thanks for hearing me out. I doubt anyone has read till this far anyway.
Can't wait for the day when I can wake up from my bed without thinking of what I'll do for the rest of the day. Before the party at night. Haha.
-alexeO-
Thursday, May 07, 2009
This Post is Meant to Distract Me From The Harsh Realities of Life
A tiny sneak peek to my life in Melb.
Hahahah.
minus the uni workload, of course.. which should really be the utmost priority i know.. but... i'm coping, kinda.. anyway. :|
-alexeO-
Monday, May 04, 2009
Time Waits For No Man
Only in Melb
It's crunch time. The only thing which can help me during this period is something to look forward to. Then everything else I believe would fall into place comfortably.
Thoughts like partying, assignment-free days and nights, and chilling with people. I think if I let the workload become my sole and central focus, I will be doomed. Maybe that's the way I operate afterall. Hopefully I get it right this time around..
And I don't really need to put this down but as a gentle reminder to meself, I am going to learn and start to appreciate, just a little bit more. :)
-alexeO-
Thursday, April 30, 2009
My Funny Valentine
Slept for 3 hours the night (or day) before.
Went to uni from 10am till 5pm.
Got home, made dinner, showered.
Went to friend's place at 11.30pm.
Stayed up till 4.45am to watch Arsenal went 1-0 down.
Walked home at sunrise.
Slept at 7am.
Woke up at a disgusting 6.45pm.
And oh yeah, did I mention that I had class at 2pm too? I groggily woke up at 2.25pm only to realize that I've fked my day up. Badly. Again. And then I went back to sleep.
Prepared dinner, ate, and here I am.
Must be the accumulated lack of sleep over the past few weeks.
Getting very cold in Melbourne now.
I want to cuddle under my sheets and just.. rot. :(
-alexeO-
Went to uni from 10am till 5pm.
Got home, made dinner, showered.
Went to friend's place at 11.30pm.
Stayed up till 4.45am to watch Arsenal went 1-0 down.
Walked home at sunrise.
Slept at 7am.
Woke up at a disgusting 6.45pm.
And oh yeah, did I mention that I had class at 2pm too? I groggily woke up at 2.25pm only to realize that I've fked my day up. Badly. Again. And then I went back to sleep.
Prepared dinner, ate, and here I am.
Must be the accumulated lack of sleep over the past few weeks.
Getting very cold in Melbourne now.
I want to cuddle under my sheets and just.. rot. :(
-alexeO-
Friday, April 24, 2009
Light skin, dark skin, my Asian persuasion
Hello! I'm feeling very much more contented than before. It has to be the power of completing assignments I tell you..
Melbourne so far.. Day 70 or so..
Just a little over 2 months, and yet, I feel like I've been here.. almost forever? Minus the familiarity with the places part.. I am really feeling comfortable in a lot of ways possible. But I will remember to not fully immerse myself in such comfort and remind myself that time would ultimately still somehow remain as an obstacle or barrier with adaptability!
I don't know why, maybe it's the new found freedom, maybe it's the place, maybe it's the people but I've become such a party animal I somehow always need a weekly fix. Easter was such a great period really. I always took my Easter breaks back when I was in Sunway for granted (used it to sleep-in mostly), but the Easter I had here was a total shift. I had something fun to do everyday and I didn't want it to end but it did. Obviously.
The first few days post-Easter I was actually emo-ing over how I can no longer party the way I did and have fun haha. How there are no more "Easters" in Melbourne sigh. :( But I shall decide if I would want to extend my stay here in Melbourne sometime during the end of the year. Work or postgrad. Both suck, but such is life, right?
I'm currently very sleepy, so I am just typing whatever that's on top of my head now.
Ok. I shall post some overdue photos for my friends who are concerned back home and everywhere else in the world.
This was my humble room on the first day I moved in. Looks smaller, (but not much trust me) from this angle.
This is my room today:
Pretty damn awesome? :D
You can't see it here but on the left side of the photo is my mirrored built-in robes which is my fav part of the room HAHA.
This was Richmond's room on the first day.
This is Richmond's room post-move in.
I don't think you guys care about the living room or other parts of the apartment in general so I'm not going to bother. But on the whole it is quite equipped today and tidy. And my apartment looks so mediocre verging on torturous to the other apartments I've seen or been to here in Melbourne.. but considering our situation at that particular point of time, I really can't find any reasons to complain at all.
So I've also started cooking coz it's both fun and economical compared to eating outside every day.
I made chinese soy sauce chicken on the first day this week which wasn't very successful at all HAHA so no photos were taken unfortunately. But it ended up tasting ALMOST the same so I guess credit given where credit's due HEHEHE. But super tak puas so I'm gonna attempt to make it again!
This was the first pasta I made, even before the soy sauce chicken, because people tell me pastas from jars are one of the easiest and filling things you can cook yourself.
Spaghetti Pork Bolognese
So it was pretty dry, and the spaghetti felt sticky. But it tasted pretty above average so all's good I guess.
For someone cooking meat or stirring the pan for the first time that pasta is a pretty darn good achievement ok.
Then after the first experience and receiving advices and help from family and friends around, Richmond and I made pasta again recently and this was what we came up with:
Riccioli Bolognese
And it actually tasted pretty good. So much so that we wondered if it was the different sauce or the expertise of the chefs. Hehehe.
The next day I thought of making the ultimate chinese CUISINE of several dishes + 1 soup so this was what we came up with:
The COMPLETE meal.
Curry Chicken with Potatoes. 5/5
ABC Soup. 3.5/5
Steamed Egg with Minced Pork. x/5
LOL HAHAHAH. I KNOW THE EGG LOOKS SUPER FAIL BUT FORGIVE ME LA DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT I HAD TO WORK WITH HAHAHA! I told Karina it looks like I made a yellow swimming pool for the pork instead sigh haha. But don't worry I will perfect the technique one day! And the thing is it actually tasted not bad! The meat was well marinated by yours truly and it wasn't as bad as it looks actually... just take it like a new dish la.
Ok I duno what I'm typing already. Damn sleepy stayed up doing assignments.
Weekend's here! I HOPE I GET TO DO SOMETHING FUN THIS WEEK! BAI!
-alexeO-
Melbourne so far.. Day 70 or so..
Just a little over 2 months, and yet, I feel like I've been here.. almost forever? Minus the familiarity with the places part.. I am really feeling comfortable in a lot of ways possible. But I will remember to not fully immerse myself in such comfort and remind myself that time would ultimately still somehow remain as an obstacle or barrier with adaptability!
I don't know why, maybe it's the new found freedom, maybe it's the place, maybe it's the people but I've become such a party animal I somehow always need a weekly fix. Easter was such a great period really. I always took my Easter breaks back when I was in Sunway for granted (used it to sleep-in mostly), but the Easter I had here was a total shift. I had something fun to do everyday and I didn't want it to end but it did. Obviously.
The first few days post-Easter I was actually emo-ing over how I can no longer party the way I did and have fun haha. How there are no more "Easters" in Melbourne sigh. :( But I shall decide if I would want to extend my stay here in Melbourne sometime during the end of the year. Work or postgrad. Both suck, but such is life, right?
I'm currently very sleepy, so I am just typing whatever that's on top of my head now.
Ok. I shall post some overdue photos for my friends who are concerned back home and everywhere else in the world.
This was my humble room on the first day I moved in. Looks smaller, (but not much trust me) from this angle.
This is my room today:
Pretty damn awesome? :D
You can't see it here but on the left side of the photo is my mirrored built-in robes which is my fav part of the room HAHA.
This was Richmond's room on the first day.
This is Richmond's room post-move in.
I don't think you guys care about the living room or other parts of the apartment in general so I'm not going to bother. But on the whole it is quite equipped today and tidy. And my apartment looks so mediocre verging on torturous to the other apartments I've seen or been to here in Melbourne.. but considering our situation at that particular point of time, I really can't find any reasons to complain at all.
So I've also started cooking coz it's both fun and economical compared to eating outside every day.
I made chinese soy sauce chicken on the first day this week which wasn't very successful at all HAHA so no photos were taken unfortunately. But it ended up tasting ALMOST the same so I guess credit given where credit's due HEHEHE. But super tak puas so I'm gonna attempt to make it again!
This was the first pasta I made, even before the soy sauce chicken, because people tell me pastas from jars are one of the easiest and filling things you can cook yourself.
Spaghetti Pork Bolognese
So it was pretty dry, and the spaghetti felt sticky. But it tasted pretty above average so all's good I guess.
For someone cooking meat or stirring the pan for the first time that pasta is a pretty darn good achievement ok.
Then after the first experience and receiving advices and help from family and friends around, Richmond and I made pasta again recently and this was what we came up with:
Riccioli Bolognese
And it actually tasted pretty good. So much so that we wondered if it was the different sauce or the expertise of the chefs. Hehehe.
The next day I thought of making the ultimate chinese CUISINE of several dishes + 1 soup so this was what we came up with:
The COMPLETE meal.
Curry Chicken with Potatoes. 5/5
ABC Soup. 3.5/5
Steamed Egg with Minced Pork. x/5
LOL HAHAHAH. I KNOW THE EGG LOOKS SUPER FAIL BUT FORGIVE ME LA DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT I HAD TO WORK WITH HAHAHA! I told Karina it looks like I made a yellow swimming pool for the pork instead sigh haha. But don't worry I will perfect the technique one day! And the thing is it actually tasted not bad! The meat was well marinated by yours truly and it wasn't as bad as it looks actually... just take it like a new dish la.
Ok I duno what I'm typing already. Damn sleepy stayed up doing assignments.
Weekend's here! I HOPE I GET TO DO SOMETHING FUN THIS WEEK! BAI!
-alexeO-
Sunday, April 19, 2009
A Post I Could Do Without
Sometimes I wonder if it's easier to be less extreme emotionally just so that the potential falls will not be too overwhelming. Sometimes I wonder if becoming a stagnant zombie would make me less depressed or miserable than I potentially can be today. For the higher you go, the harder the fall?
Today is the last day of easily the best Easter break ever.
I had so much, maybe too much, fun throughout the week that I never want it to end. And so much happened that the last class I attended seriously felt like months ago. I am honestly despising the start of classes this coming week, but who isn't right?
Then towards the end of the break, after my overdone dwellings of how everything was about to come to an end, God decided to be helpful and put me up with incidents after incidents which completely decimate any remorse I had over the end of my 'best Easter break ever'. Incidents which not only rudely signal the end of the fun times, but also possibly of things to come.
If I could, I wish I could press the restart button and go through the whole of the break again. I don't care if it is immature and shallow, I never agreed with the whole concept (of life) anyway, so technically why should I care?
I have principles that I hold onto very dearly. Principles which I find very difficult to give up even under extreme circumstances. If the so-called 'failure' beckons at the end of the path, then so be it. For I rather fail in such constructed downfalls than to fail as a human being, as an individual, and as me.
You won't believe how much I'm self-censoring now, how much I've written then deleted, for I do not think it's right to share or to feel personally, but the fact of the matter is - I am still feeling it.
I'm upset. At alot of things.
On my 'best Easter break ever'.
-alexeO-
Today is the last day of easily the best Easter break ever.
I had so much, maybe too much, fun throughout the week that I never want it to end. And so much happened that the last class I attended seriously felt like months ago. I am honestly despising the start of classes this coming week, but who isn't right?
Then towards the end of the break, after my overdone dwellings of how everything was about to come to an end, God decided to be helpful and put me up with incidents after incidents which completely decimate any remorse I had over the end of my 'best Easter break ever'. Incidents which not only rudely signal the end of the fun times, but also possibly of things to come.
If I could, I wish I could press the restart button and go through the whole of the break again. I don't care if it is immature and shallow, I never agreed with the whole concept (of life) anyway, so technically why should I care?
I have principles that I hold onto very dearly. Principles which I find very difficult to give up even under extreme circumstances. If the so-called 'failure' beckons at the end of the path, then so be it. For I rather fail in such constructed downfalls than to fail as a human being, as an individual, and as me.
You won't believe how much I'm self-censoring now, how much I've written then deleted, for I do not think it's right to share or to feel personally, but the fact of the matter is - I am still feeling it.
I'm upset. At alot of things.
On my 'best Easter break ever'.
-alexeO-
Monday, April 13, 2009
The Beast in Me
Ever wondered what it's like to feel free as hell, having zero restrictions and commanding the guts to do whatever you want, however you want to?
That's me under the influence.
People could tell you how shy or reserved I can be when I'm on a casual outing with them. If I'm like that by nature that's fine. But there are times when I feel like I'm holding back so much it makes me regret later that I actually did not say or do a certain thing after the outing has ended.
Sometimes I wonder if it's possibly the extreme fear of getting judged.
I know during my tipsy nights I'd repeatedly tell the people around me how they shouldn't "judge" me for I am not like that at all during "normal" days whatever normal mean.
That being said, I DO remember most of the things I do or say during those nights.
So does that make me less of a drunkard? I don't know. But it could imply that I just needed that little bit of 'help' to make me more 'normal'. But if the 'normal' Alex is like that then it's quite scary also but you get what I mean..
I could even consciously tell myself in my mind how much I am going to regret this the next day and every single time it's like a battlefield going in there I kid you not. One part of me telling me to just shut the fking hell up and stop. Another asking me to.. well, do the exact opposite. People might notice this ongoing conflict when they see me doing all sorts of random shit one minute and the next minute sitting down quietly trying to supress everything inside.
Believe it or not, I know it doesn't look like it, but I do tell myself to sober up during those times.
It would often be the case of a mental dialogue filled up with, "freaking sober up alex, please." Which would then be immediately followed by a performance of a dance or/AND song routine to the people around me. Great. Frikkin' hell srsly.
Most of the times, the latter side of me always wins.
And it's my fault too for I welcome it almost every single time. Because I want to feel the freedom it gives me, because I want to be able to 'breathe' every now and then.
Perhaps I should learn to control the extent in which I 'welcome' that side of me. Perhaps I too can feel the same liberty it provides me with, without letting it dominate or control me in the way it had almost every time.
That is why I like blogging. Because in the process of writing posts like this, I take another step forward in constructive self-discovery and improvement.
Or..
just stfu and have a beer, Alex.
-alexeO-
That's me under the influence.
People could tell you how shy or reserved I can be when I'm on a casual outing with them. If I'm like that by nature that's fine. But there are times when I feel like I'm holding back so much it makes me regret later that I actually did not say or do a certain thing after the outing has ended.
Sometimes I wonder if it's possibly the extreme fear of getting judged.
I know during my tipsy nights I'd repeatedly tell the people around me how they shouldn't "judge" me for I am not like that at all during "normal" days whatever normal mean.
That being said, I DO remember most of the things I do or say during those nights.
So does that make me less of a drunkard? I don't know. But it could imply that I just needed that little bit of 'help' to make me more 'normal'. But if the 'normal' Alex is like that then it's quite scary also but you get what I mean..
I could even consciously tell myself in my mind how much I am going to regret this the next day and every single time it's like a battlefield going in there I kid you not. One part of me telling me to just shut the fking hell up and stop. Another asking me to.. well, do the exact opposite. People might notice this ongoing conflict when they see me doing all sorts of random shit one minute and the next minute sitting down quietly trying to supress everything inside.
Believe it or not, I know it doesn't look like it, but I do tell myself to sober up during those times.
It would often be the case of a mental dialogue filled up with, "freaking sober up alex, please." Which would then be immediately followed by a performance of a dance or/AND song routine to the people around me. Great. Frikkin' hell srsly.
Most of the times, the latter side of me always wins.
And it's my fault too for I welcome it almost every single time. Because I want to feel the freedom it gives me, because I want to be able to 'breathe' every now and then.
Perhaps I should learn to control the extent in which I 'welcome' that side of me. Perhaps I too can feel the same liberty it provides me with, without letting it dominate or control me in the way it had almost every time.
That is why I like blogging. Because in the process of writing posts like this, I take another step forward in constructive self-discovery and improvement.
Or..
just stfu and have a beer, Alex.
-alexeO-
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
Rant
This is the ultimate mental torture.
I'm awake now at an undisclosed time, attempting to finish something which I have really not much idea how to, and the fact that it is a short assignment is pulling me in so many directions I feel like I am about to be ripped apart.
I don't even understand what I'm typing anymore. I don't even know if I should continue to bother. But I really really want to get this over with.
10% for arguably the toughest first assignment in relative to my other first assignments which carry more weightage. It's not about giving up. It's about being smart and balancing.
At this point of time, I really do not care if resorting to war is ever justified or not.
-alexeO-
I'm awake now at an undisclosed time, attempting to finish something which I have really not much idea how to, and the fact that it is a short assignment is pulling me in so many directions I feel like I am about to be ripped apart.
I don't even understand what I'm typing anymore. I don't even know if I should continue to bother. But I really really want to get this over with.
10% for arguably the toughest first assignment in relative to my other first assignments which carry more weightage. It's not about giving up. It's about being smart and balancing.
At this point of time, I really do not care if resorting to war is ever justified or not.
-alexeO-
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Blind Sponge
It's late, I'm sleepy, my head's throbbing, and so I guess it's time to blog.
I was downsizing the amount of texts in my phone just now from 2k to a mere one single text and reading them one by one briefly before deleting them made me feel like I was reliving the moments all over again.
From arrangements of Christmas eve plans to chinese new year greetings, to the planning of the final clubbing session in KL to the various goodbye messages from my friends,........... nuff' said. :/
If you ask me if I miss home, I would say I do. But is it affecting me so much that it is slowly killing me and eating me up from inside, no. So I'm good.. so far.
I am slowly starting to despise university and its implications on/upon me to be frank. It isn't a good feeling to feel but I can't help it. What is this strange obligation requiring me to wake up at times I do not want to wake up and research on issues I am not even remotely interested in? What is this unknown overpowering pressure weighing down on me each week which gets heavier and heavier as assignment periods beckon.
I always tell my friends facing similar situations like these to think of the finishing line. But my mind is so fogged up it is impossible to even imagine what the finishing line would look like. And what if I do NOT want to reach the finishing line? What if the finishing line isn't as glamorous and glorifying as I put it out to be? What if there are other better 'finishing lines' out there and I am running on a wrong path?
Screw that.
One of my lecturers look like a rock star. With metal hoop earrings and all. Philosophy lecturer on the ethics of global conflict. Awesome stuff. I guess it is only apt.
The tutor coincidentally can pass off as a typical ang moh aunty selling fish in the market. Believe me I was dubious at first but wow the stuff coming out from her and the way in which she conducts a tutorial. Respect.
I am also the only Asian in one of my classes. In fact, in the other classes I would probably be part of the <5% foreign students population in a lecture/tute. Not that it's surprising.. I kinda expected it already. Arts. Not because it's a party course wtf piss off but because it has all the outspoken people and most ang mohs are outspoken and articulate! Ok end of justification I am sick of it.
I am also starting to realise that I probably am having a better first semester studying in a foreign country than most people would probably have thanks to the friends I have already settled here. For hanging out with me, for bringing their friends to hang out with me, for 'taking care' of me, for supporting me in any way at all. Tankiu.
Praveen wants me to thank him for his cooking so here it is. Oh, and Andy too. So here it is again. Bryan wants a mention in this blog so here it is. Ok if I miss anyone out tell me.
This is neither Bryan nor Andy.
I am far from fake but I do wish sometimes I could lessen the amount of masks I put on each day.
I'll save the emo stuff (and other pictures) for next time.
Goodnight everybody.
-alexeO-
I was downsizing the amount of texts in my phone just now from 2k to a mere one single text and reading them one by one briefly before deleting them made me feel like I was reliving the moments all over again.
From arrangements of Christmas eve plans to chinese new year greetings, to the planning of the final clubbing session in KL to the various goodbye messages from my friends,........... nuff' said. :/
If you ask me if I miss home, I would say I do. But is it affecting me so much that it is slowly killing me and eating me up from inside, no. So I'm good.. so far.
I am slowly starting to despise university and its implications on/upon me to be frank. It isn't a good feeling to feel but I can't help it. What is this strange obligation requiring me to wake up at times I do not want to wake up and research on issues I am not even remotely interested in? What is this unknown overpowering pressure weighing down on me each week which gets heavier and heavier as assignment periods beckon.
I always tell my friends facing similar situations like these to think of the finishing line. But my mind is so fogged up it is impossible to even imagine what the finishing line would look like. And what if I do NOT want to reach the finishing line? What if the finishing line isn't as glamorous and glorifying as I put it out to be? What if there are other better 'finishing lines' out there and I am running on a wrong path?
Screw that.
One of my lecturers look like a rock star. With metal hoop earrings and all. Philosophy lecturer on the ethics of global conflict. Awesome stuff. I guess it is only apt.
The tutor coincidentally can pass off as a typical ang moh aunty selling fish in the market. Believe me I was dubious at first but wow the stuff coming out from her and the way in which she conducts a tutorial. Respect.
I am also the only Asian in one of my classes. In fact, in the other classes I would probably be part of the <5% foreign students population in a lecture/tute. Not that it's surprising.. I kinda expected it already. Arts. Not because it's a party course wtf piss off but because it has all the outspoken people and most ang mohs are outspoken and articulate! Ok end of justification I am sick of it.
I am also starting to realise that I probably am having a better first semester studying in a foreign country than most people would probably have thanks to the friends I have already settled here. For hanging out with me, for bringing their friends to hang out with me, for 'taking care' of me, for supporting me in any way at all. Tankiu.
Praveen wants me to thank him for his cooking so here it is. Oh, and Andy too. So here it is again. Bryan wants a mention in this blog so here it is. Ok if I miss anyone out tell me.
This is neither Bryan nor Andy.
I am far from fake but I do wish sometimes I could lessen the amount of masks I put on each day.
I'll save the emo stuff (and other pictures) for next time.
Goodnight everybody.
-alexeO-
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