I was downsizing the amount of texts in my phone just now from 2k to a mere one single text and reading them one by one briefly before deleting them made me feel like I was reliving the moments all over again.
From arrangements of Christmas eve plans to chinese new year greetings, to the planning of the final clubbing session in KL to the various goodbye messages from my friends,........... nuff' said. :/
If you ask me if I miss home, I would say I do. But is it affecting me so much that it is slowly killing me and eating me up from inside, no. So I'm good.. so far.
I am slowly starting to despise university and its implications on/upon me to be frank. It isn't a good feeling to feel but I can't help it. What is this strange obligation requiring me to wake up at times I do not want to wake up and research on issues I am not even remotely interested in? What is this unknown overpowering pressure weighing down on me each week which gets heavier and heavier as assignment periods beckon.
I always tell my friends facing similar situations like these to think of the finishing line. But my mind is so fogged up it is impossible to even imagine what the finishing line would look like. And what if I do NOT want to reach the finishing line? What if the finishing line isn't as glamorous and glorifying as I put it out to be? What if there are other better 'finishing lines' out there and I am running on a wrong path?
Screw that.
One of my lecturers look like a rock star. With metal hoop earrings and all. Philosophy lecturer on the ethics of global conflict. Awesome stuff. I guess it is only apt.
The tutor coincidentally can pass off as a typical ang moh aunty selling fish in the market. Believe me I was dubious at first but wow the stuff coming out from her and the way in which she conducts a tutorial. Respect.
I am also the only Asian in one of my classes. In fact, in the other classes I would probably be part of the <5% foreign students population in a lecture/tute. Not that it's surprising.. I kinda expected it already. Arts. Not because it's a party course wtf piss off but because it has all the outspoken people and most ang mohs are outspoken and articulate! Ok end of justification I am sick of it.
I am also starting to realise that I probably am having a better first semester studying in a foreign country than most people would probably have thanks to the friends I have already settled here. For hanging out with me, for bringing their friends to hang out with me, for 'taking care' of me, for supporting me in any way at all. Tankiu.
Praveen wants me to thank him for his cooking so here it is. Oh, and Andy too. So here it is again. Bryan wants a mention in this blog so here it is. Ok if I miss anyone out tell me.
This is neither Bryan nor Andy.
I am far from fake but I do wish sometimes I could lessen the amount of masks I put on each day.
I'll save the emo stuff (and other pictures) for next time.
Goodnight everybody.
-alexeO-
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