Sometimes I wonder if it's easier to be less extreme emotionally just so that the potential falls will not be too overwhelming. Sometimes I wonder if becoming a stagnant zombie would make me less depressed or miserable than I potentially can be today. For the higher you go, the harder the fall?
Today is the last day of easily the best Easter break ever.
I had so much, maybe too much, fun throughout the week that I never want it to end. And so much happened that the last class I attended seriously felt like months ago. I am honestly despising the start of classes this coming week, but who isn't right?
Then towards the end of the break, after my overdone dwellings of how everything was about to come to an end, God decided to be helpful and put me up with incidents after incidents which completely decimate any remorse I had over the end of my 'best Easter break ever'. Incidents which not only rudely signal the end of the fun times, but also possibly of things to come.
If I could, I wish I could press the restart button and go through the whole of the break again. I don't care if it is immature and shallow, I never agreed with the whole concept (of life) anyway, so technically why should I care?
I have principles that I hold onto very dearly. Principles which I find very difficult to give up even under extreme circumstances. If the so-called 'failure' beckons at the end of the path, then so be it. For I rather fail in such constructed downfalls than to fail as a human being, as an individual, and as me.
You won't believe how much I'm self-censoring now, how much I've written then deleted, for I do not think it's right to share or to feel personally, but the fact of the matter is - I am still feeling it.
I'm upset. At alot of things.
On my 'best Easter break ever'.
-alexeO-
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