Thanks

My whole life I only believed in one thing. That is to make the least amount of enemies and to make most people I meet not have any problems with me.

Throughout highschool, I received all kinds of shit. Probably due to my said belief. But I tolerated. Because people close to me tell me I am doing things right and I should never ever change. And I believe I will reap the rewards from it one day.

I sometimes still sit down and ask myself. What is wrong with me? What is wrong with the people around me? I try so hard to please the crowd, I try so hard to make everyone happy, I avoid conflicts whenever necessary, I try very hard not to bring two very obviously opposing factions together because I don't want to stir up any awkwardness.

I try to be as helpful as possible with people. I try to be there for people when they need an ear. I try to be there when they need a shoulder to cry on. I try my best to make people feel their happiest on their birthdays even when there's no official party. I wish people Happy Birthday on their special days because I know how much a greeting can mean.


Last night, or earlier this morning, I slept to an extremely upsetting thing that happened, and woke up 4 hours later from a nightmare. I now cannot go back to sleep because the only thing my mind is what that has happened.

I cannot help but feel extremely betrayed and used, and boycotted. All the effort and journey to a friend's house into trying to please everybody through the guestlists, through a fun plan I thought of, through an attempt to be entertaining.

All gone. All because some people thought I do not deserve to celebrate my special day this year.

Something done some disgustingly and in poor taste, something I would never get from people who really care.

To add fuel to the fire, even some of those who know me long enough decide which side they wish to be on.

I never felt so angry and upset ever since high school. To the extent of I am still in a state of disbelief at this very instant. I thought my darkest days were over, I guess not.



-alexeO-