3 Months, 3 Days

Most of the time, I do the odd thing that makes me feel that my capabilities are so much more far reaching than what my 'general' performance currently warrants.

Or rather, my laziness creates such an incredibly impenetrable force field that nothing else, potentially or not, matters anymore.

It is so extreme that its second-naturedness to my life doesn't even seem to bother me anymore. I genuinely don't feel any remorse or 'regret' that a particular thing could have been done that much better in an equally better way if not for my laziness.

Screw healthier eating habits, screw a better body clock, screw a more active lifestyle.

How does any of that even matter if the fundamentals of every single thing are already flawed to begin with?

If I'm going to have a resolution that I am going to make and stick with, it has to be getting my fking ass off my chair and just... do it, whatever 'it' might be. Distractions are an excuse but the essence of it all is ultimately, the four letter L word. To stay away from 'distractions' simply implies giving no space for laziness to shapeshift and present itself in a different form altogether.

What good are my capabilities - however out-of-this-world they might be - if laziness is the overarching theme of my life. I cannot even take the first step. Fullstop.

I suddenly feel extremely dirty and disgusting.

I think if there is something to be gained from this whole study abroad experience, successfully solving this aspect of my life has to be the greatest achievement I can ever ask for.

Moving on from the little essay on self-improvement I just wrote, I really feel I have learned so much academically or not in my 3 months in Melbourne so far. In university and to a lesser but significant extent outside, I learned how to apply the very theories I learn in uni properly this year by balancing it nicely with the usual aspects of my life without compromising any in anyways whatsoever. That statement does sound nerdy but what I learn aren't exactly physics or algebra so... hahahah.

I used to blame my course for making me think too much, but I realized that 'too much' didn't need to be taxing or discouraging on you at all and I could actually pick out the empowering aspects of it.

About 2 weeks ago, I sat in front of my computer in my little room and had a sudden moment of epiphany or realization that wow, I cannot believe I'm actually in Melbourne now studying abroad in a university. There were so many things 'wrong' about that I didn't even bother breaking them down one by one. Melbourne - abroad - university - etc. All I did was just to be wow-ed and enthralled by the entire situation of it all. I appreciated its significance even more because I believe it is a feeling difficult to imagine now but when the day I finally step out of this whole bubble comes, I will look back at this and get captivated by the entire experience and every little thing that comes along with it.

But.. have to be less lazy first -________-

*

Here's a funny comic strip I follow:




Hahahahah.. most of the time we like it because we know it's true..


Too long a post. Too late a time.

Goodnight.




-alexeO-