Sitting here in the dark, with my quilt wrapped around me while it pours heavily outside.
Since my last post, yes, I'm back home. And more on that later.
I was hesitant to write a post because I never really got the chance to gather my thoughts, but here I am. Only because it's the last day of 2009, and I feel obliged to say goodbye to the year that has been.
So.. goodbye 2009.
The rain is getting heavier, it's 7 hours to the new year, and my plans for tonight were just confirmed about an hour ago.
This is it then. Going to get ready now.
This year will forever be remembered as.. the Melbourne year. How original.
I wonder what 2010 will bring. Watch this space.. same time.. same day.. next year.
-alexeO-
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009
2010 and Beyond
My flight home is in less than 24 hours but photographs and random tickets and forms of memoirs remain stamped on my wall in front of me.
My family's visit in the past week has enlightened me on various things I never thought of before particularly in the decision making of what I am going to do with my future.
I am leaving this place with an incredibly heavy heart. And if you ask me now, I still cannot confidently tell you where will I be next year.
I'm scared of growing up. Not so much the growing old and wrinkly part of it, but more of the fact that growing up often involves changes - lots of changes - and I am scared of changes.
Sooner or later, things will change, whether I want them to or not, and there's nothing I can do about it. I understand that part. But I think subconsciously, as much as I possibly could, I want to postpone that change, holding it back with whatever ounce of strength I have left.
Maybe I should embrace change. Maybe it's about taking that first difficult step, and just withstanding whatever rollercoaster of emotions that would be flooded upon me, and things will eventually become normal again.
My whole life I've not been as successful because I'm always afraid of that first step. I don't dare to take that step because I refuse and am not brave enough to face that whirlpool of uneasiness even for that couple of seconds at times. That is why I don't like raising a point in tutorials during my uni days, because I was so scared to face the awkward moment when everyone is judging me - positively or negatively - even for that couple of seconds. Even though I know a couple of seconds later the attention will not be on me anymore and the judging will dissipate in a matter of seconds.
I'm sad that I already arrived at the crossroads. I'm not sure if I followed the speedlimit on my way here because it seriously feels like I arrived too fast.
Maybe my journey was charged by a constant need to prove to people my worth along with an overthinking of life hence I never properly took the time to enjoy the ride. And now I've arrived and I cannot ever turn back.
Fortunately, all is not that bleak because at the end of the day, I know deep down inside I'm only still in my twenties, just reached there barely in fact. And there are plenty of people in the world who have led or is leading wonderful lives in their twenties. And I'm glad I'm aware of this now because come 10, 20 years time, if you see me complaining about the same thing again, feel free to slap me hard in the face.
For now, I might have made my decision of what I want to do with my life next year, but I cannot outrighly admit it now because I am not brave enough yet. But trust me I am going to.
On a related and vague sidenote, oh how easy it is to lose a person's trust and how hard it is to gain it. But like I tell most of my friends, I'll just continue doing what I do, trying to better myself each day, and things will eventually fall to place by themselves.
That's just how the world goes by.
-alexeO-
My family's visit in the past week has enlightened me on various things I never thought of before particularly in the decision making of what I am going to do with my future.
I am leaving this place with an incredibly heavy heart. And if you ask me now, I still cannot confidently tell you where will I be next year.
I'm scared of growing up. Not so much the growing old and wrinkly part of it, but more of the fact that growing up often involves changes - lots of changes - and I am scared of changes.
Sooner or later, things will change, whether I want them to or not, and there's nothing I can do about it. I understand that part. But I think subconsciously, as much as I possibly could, I want to postpone that change, holding it back with whatever ounce of strength I have left.
Maybe I should embrace change. Maybe it's about taking that first difficult step, and just withstanding whatever rollercoaster of emotions that would be flooded upon me, and things will eventually become normal again.
My whole life I've not been as successful because I'm always afraid of that first step. I don't dare to take that step because I refuse and am not brave enough to face that whirlpool of uneasiness even for that couple of seconds at times. That is why I don't like raising a point in tutorials during my uni days, because I was so scared to face the awkward moment when everyone is judging me - positively or negatively - even for that couple of seconds. Even though I know a couple of seconds later the attention will not be on me anymore and the judging will dissipate in a matter of seconds.
I'm sad that I already arrived at the crossroads. I'm not sure if I followed the speedlimit on my way here because it seriously feels like I arrived too fast.
Maybe my journey was charged by a constant need to prove to people my worth along with an overthinking of life hence I never properly took the time to enjoy the ride. And now I've arrived and I cannot ever turn back.
Fortunately, all is not that bleak because at the end of the day, I know deep down inside I'm only still in my twenties, just reached there barely in fact. And there are plenty of people in the world who have led or is leading wonderful lives in their twenties. And I'm glad I'm aware of this now because come 10, 20 years time, if you see me complaining about the same thing again, feel free to slap me hard in the face.
For now, I might have made my decision of what I want to do with my life next year, but I cannot outrighly admit it now because I am not brave enough yet. But trust me I am going to.
On a related and vague sidenote, oh how easy it is to lose a person's trust and how hard it is to gain it. But like I tell most of my friends, I'll just continue doing what I do, trying to better myself each day, and things will eventually fall to place by themselves.
That's just how the world goes by.
-alexeO-
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Sunday, December 06, 2009
The Domino Effect
I recall the times we had in previous years. Times different from what we have today.
Wouldn't it be good if things stayed that way?
Let us all pause for a second and step out of our lives for a little while. And reflect.
How did it end up like this?
-alexeO-
Wouldn't it be good if things stayed that way?
Let us all pause for a second and step out of our lives for a little while. And reflect.
How did it end up like this?
-alexeO-
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Short Hair
My shortest hair in 4 years. August 2008!
I didn't like it that much initially but it kinda grew on me despite having my forehead amplified like 10x.
Side view.
Top view.
I even had a small mohawk action going on.
Should I or should I not.. hmmmm.
-alexeO-
I didn't like it that much initially but it kinda grew on me despite having my forehead amplified like 10x.
Side view.
Top view.
I even had a small mohawk action going on.
Should I or should I not.. hmmmm.
-alexeO-
Thanks
My whole life I only believed in one thing. That is to make the least amount of enemies and to make most people I meet not have any problems with me.
Throughout highschool, I received all kinds of shit. Probably due to my said belief. But I tolerated. Because people close to me tell me I am doing things right and I should never ever change. And I believe I will reap the rewards from it one day.
I sometimes still sit down and ask myself. What is wrong with me? What is wrong with the people around me? I try so hard to please the crowd, I try so hard to make everyone happy, I avoid conflicts whenever necessary, I try very hard not to bring two very obviously opposing factions together because I don't want to stir up any awkwardness.
I try to be as helpful as possible with people. I try to be there for people when they need an ear. I try to be there when they need a shoulder to cry on. I try my best to make people feel their happiest on their birthdays even when there's no official party. I wish people Happy Birthday on their special days because I know how much a greeting can mean.
Last night, or earlier this morning, I slept to an extremely upsetting thing that happened, and woke up 4 hours later from a nightmare. I now cannot go back to sleep because the only thing my mind is what that has happened.
I cannot help but feel extremely betrayed and used, and boycotted. All the effort and journey to a friend's house into trying to please everybody through the guestlists, through a fun plan I thought of, through an attempt to be entertaining.
All gone. All because some people thought I do not deserve to celebrate my special day this year.
Something done some disgustingly and in poor taste, something I would never get from people who really care.
To add fuel to the fire, even some of those who know me long enough decide which side they wish to be on.
I never felt so angry and upset ever since high school. To the extent of I am still in a state of disbelief at this very instant. I thought my darkest days were over, I guess not.
-alexeO-
Throughout highschool, I received all kinds of shit. Probably due to my said belief. But I tolerated. Because people close to me tell me I am doing things right and I should never ever change. And I believe I will reap the rewards from it one day.
I sometimes still sit down and ask myself. What is wrong with me? What is wrong with the people around me? I try so hard to please the crowd, I try so hard to make everyone happy, I avoid conflicts whenever necessary, I try very hard not to bring two very obviously opposing factions together because I don't want to stir up any awkwardness.
I try to be as helpful as possible with people. I try to be there for people when they need an ear. I try to be there when they need a shoulder to cry on. I try my best to make people feel their happiest on their birthdays even when there's no official party. I wish people Happy Birthday on their special days because I know how much a greeting can mean.
Last night, or earlier this morning, I slept to an extremely upsetting thing that happened, and woke up 4 hours later from a nightmare. I now cannot go back to sleep because the only thing my mind is what that has happened.
I cannot help but feel extremely betrayed and used, and boycotted. All the effort and journey to a friend's house into trying to please everybody through the guestlists, through a fun plan I thought of, through an attempt to be entertaining.
All gone. All because some people thought I do not deserve to celebrate my special day this year.
Something done some disgustingly and in poor taste, something I would never get from people who really care.
To add fuel to the fire, even some of those who know me long enough decide which side they wish to be on.
I never felt so angry and upset ever since high school. To the extent of I am still in a state of disbelief at this very instant. I thought my darkest days were over, I guess not.
-alexeO-
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Bai?
I feel obliged to write a farewell post.
Farewell undergraduate studies, farewell Melbourne.
But I can't. The latter because I honestly still don't know if I'll be saying goodbye for good.
And the former, I don't want to get my hopes up too high yet.
So maybe when the time comes I will post a proper goodbye post.
Post ends here because I suddenly don't feel like blogging anymore.
-alexeO-
Farewell undergraduate studies, farewell Melbourne.
But I can't. The latter because I honestly still don't know if I'll be saying goodbye for good.
And the former, I don't want to get my hopes up too high yet.
So maybe when the time comes I will post a proper goodbye post.
Post ends here because I suddenly don't feel like blogging anymore.
-alexeO-
Friday, November 13, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Monday, November 09, 2009
Tolerance
I think, in tandem with the International Day for Tolerance on Nov 16, I should work on this aspect I might have a little problem with.
Despite me having certain principles I hold onto, despite me clearly not agreeing with certain qualities people have, I am going to tolerate, and not let that affect my own happiness in life.
For too long, I have been swayed by others, I let my own happiness get depended unto them, and I feel discouraged when I see someone goes against what I constitute as basic human virtues.
I am not going to make it my concern anymore unless I am asked or required to. I always thought the best way to live life is to be as honest as possible with my emotions and just speak my mind every single time.
I realised that cannot be the way anymore because firstly, clearly not everyone appreciate my comments and secondly, they probably didn't deserve my time and effort in the first place anyway.
So I might feel uneasy with a certain person, heck, I might even hate being around that person, but I'm not going to let their contradictory ways get to me personally. Because I am going to tolerate.
There is only this much someone can change, and chances are, they probably wouldn't even appreciate your time and effort to begin with.
If they want to change, they would, eventually.
On a sidenote, I still don't know what I'm going to do after this year. And I still have my last exam ever in my life to sit for at the end of this week.
Hopefully I get my body clock fixed in time.
-alexeO-
Despite me having certain principles I hold onto, despite me clearly not agreeing with certain qualities people have, I am going to tolerate, and not let that affect my own happiness in life.
For too long, I have been swayed by others, I let my own happiness get depended unto them, and I feel discouraged when I see someone goes against what I constitute as basic human virtues.
I am not going to make it my concern anymore unless I am asked or required to. I always thought the best way to live life is to be as honest as possible with my emotions and just speak my mind every single time.
I realised that cannot be the way anymore because firstly, clearly not everyone appreciate my comments and secondly, they probably didn't deserve my time and effort in the first place anyway.
So I might feel uneasy with a certain person, heck, I might even hate being around that person, but I'm not going to let their contradictory ways get to me personally. Because I am going to tolerate.
There is only this much someone can change, and chances are, they probably wouldn't even appreciate your time and effort to begin with.
If they want to change, they would, eventually.
On a sidenote, I still don't know what I'm going to do after this year. And I still have my last exam ever in my life to sit for at the end of this week.
Hopefully I get my body clock fixed in time.
-alexeO-
Monday, October 26, 2009
To Another Friend
So what we got out of Monash came in handy afterall. Haha.
Happy 21st Birthday Karina.
-alexeO-
Thursday, October 22, 2009
To A Friend
Dear Eng Sze Jia,
While I do admit how I sometimes feel awkward when you occasionally tower over me,
While I do admit how I sometimes feel annoyed when you continue to smile widely even when I specifically told you not to,
While I do admit how I sometimes feel bewildered when 8/10 photos taken with flash you'd have your eyes wide shut,
They all become insignificant to what you can actually offer to the people around you. You know, I know lah.
Now to end with the epitome of cliche-ness, remember, "those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter."
Wishing you a very very happy 21st birthday.
Here's to epitome-ness, spawn-ness, epiphany-ness, reachedout-ness, and this incredibly geli-fying corny blog post.
Remember to invite me to your Korean-themed wedding with some Korean dude.
-alexeO-
While I do admit how I sometimes feel awkward when you occasionally tower over me,
While I do admit how I sometimes feel annoyed when you continue to smile widely even when I specifically told you not to,
While I do admit how I sometimes feel bewildered when 8/10 photos taken with flash you'd have your eyes wide shut,
They all become insignificant to what you can actually offer to the people around you. You know, I know lah.
Now to end with the epitome of cliche-ness, remember, "those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter."
Wishing you a very very happy 21st birthday.
Here's to epitome-ness, spawn-ness, epiphany-ness, reachedout-ness, and this incredibly geli-fying corny blog post.
Remember to invite me to your Korean-themed wedding with some Korean dude.
-alexeO-
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Human Race
As I was boarding the tram, two inspectors stepped out. One went back in immediately and tried to get a passenger, who was Asian and looked about my age to presumably follow the inspectors and step out of the tram. The moment I stepped foot on the tram, the Asian man started rushing out of it and attempted to make a run for it. The inspector got hold of the man's bag so he didn't get away. The tram then moved and three inspectors surrounding one particular defeated-looking Asian man was the last sight I saw at that stop.
Beside two giggling younger passengers, a medium-built man was draped in the Australian aboriginal flag standing on the tram's deck looking out of the automated folding doors in silence. "Telling me what to do in my own country.." I heard the man mumble. As I studied him interestingly, I learned that he spoke fluently and had a t-shirt on with the same flag - with the stripes and shape and colors - imprinted on it. He politely excused himself past me and took a seat behind me. All of a sudden, in a quieter than usual packed tram, the man suddenly raised his voice and spoke out in a more than audible tone, "white people, black people, the only race is the human race!" Unsurprisingly, the typical Melbourne tram filled with passengers from extremely diversed ethnic backgrounds started looking around for the source of the voice. Not only did the man didn't seem perturbed by the attention he suddenly received, he continued talking in what reminded me of some street preachers I saw before, but only this time about white people and races, I cannot really remember specifically. Right before I got off at my stop, he said something again to which I cannot recall unfortunately. But it was well-phrased and almost felt scripted, like it came out of a RPG game where you sometimes encounter characters muttering (or generating rather) random phrases and sentences on a consistent time-to-time basis.
A lady, seated not far from me, whom I noticed from before after the Asian man tried making a run and right before I overheard the random preaching man voicing his first statement was talking to a random passenger she did not know about spending 9 years jail-time or something along those lines when I first got on the tram. She was quiet as the man spoke.
Everyone was. All but the man and his echoing words.
A strange anecdote which occupied my mind throughout the whole walk home.
-alexeO-
Beside two giggling younger passengers, a medium-built man was draped in the Australian aboriginal flag standing on the tram's deck looking out of the automated folding doors in silence. "Telling me what to do in my own country.." I heard the man mumble. As I studied him interestingly, I learned that he spoke fluently and had a t-shirt on with the same flag - with the stripes and shape and colors - imprinted on it. He politely excused himself past me and took a seat behind me. All of a sudden, in a quieter than usual packed tram, the man suddenly raised his voice and spoke out in a more than audible tone, "white people, black people, the only race is the human race!" Unsurprisingly, the typical Melbourne tram filled with passengers from extremely diversed ethnic backgrounds started looking around for the source of the voice. Not only did the man didn't seem perturbed by the attention he suddenly received, he continued talking in what reminded me of some street preachers I saw before, but only this time about white people and races, I cannot really remember specifically. Right before I got off at my stop, he said something again to which I cannot recall unfortunately. But it was well-phrased and almost felt scripted, like it came out of a RPG game where you sometimes encounter characters muttering (or generating rather) random phrases and sentences on a consistent time-to-time basis.
A lady, seated not far from me, whom I noticed from before after the Asian man tried making a run and right before I overheard the random preaching man voicing his first statement was talking to a random passenger she did not know about spending 9 years jail-time or something along those lines when I first got on the tram. She was quiet as the man spoke.
Everyone was. All but the man and his echoing words.
A strange anecdote which occupied my mind throughout the whole walk home.
-alexeO-
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Give me reason, but don't give me choice
February 13 2009, KLIA. The last time I stepped foot in Malaysia.
8 long months have passed since then. And in another two approximately, I would be back again. I cannot tell in words how much I am anticipating that day.
But at the same time, those same months in this new land have gave me so much and allowed me to experience even more. During my first two months here, I was certain that back home is where I would be heading after this particular episode comes to a close. Now, however, I cannot be as sure. 8 months seemed so short back home during all my years there but I'd never imagine how much can happen in that period of time when I'm here in Melbourne. And to think that I have another two to go.
As much as I'm missing home now, I know the day when I'm comfortably tugged under my bed back home in KL, I will be thinking so much of my year here that it shows the impossibility of the situation to make a decision without sacrificing one aspect of my life I really really cherish and hope to keep for a long long time.
Maybe I will someday eventually grow out of it, but of which do I choose to grow out of?
I don't think I'll ever make a choice till the last day. Someone, give me a reason.
-alexeO-
Friday, October 02, 2009
Motivation Proclamation
I haven't been blogging because I spent the last few weeks cramming for several assignments which I have to say, I am extremely proud of completing. My most welcomed "mid-semester" break finally came last week at week 11 out of a total of 13 for this semester. Before the break even started, I told a friend of mine I had a feeling it would end rather quickly and so it has. After this week, it's more hardcore cramming for 2-3 more times and if everything goes accordingly, two exams should be the very last assessments I have for... like ever.
I really want to graduate this semester. Despite not knowing what lies ahead next year and so on, I really want to get this phase over with asap. It doesn't help when the lecturer for this subject I'm most afraid of keeps threatening of failing students last year. It is worst when he keeps mentioning some "not-to-dos" in class without mentioning names and I keep 'terasa'-ing every single time he does that. I can only hope that he has some compassion in him, isn't xenophobic, and think of my situation as an international student in his last semester who really really needs to graduate at all costs.
One obvious dilemma I'm facing now is the choice of staying in Melbourne next year or not. My heart tells me I probably should stay but I also do not want to stay for nothing. I need to have something to do. Postgrad seems unlikely not only because I'm sick of scouring books after books journals after journals and write a long tedious essay but I also don't see where that path can lead me to in the future. Even if postgrad becomes a viable option, it will have to be something more generally accepted and recognised like a MBA or something like that.
I might also want to do a short course like in photography or something but so far, none of the things I've looked at interests me. They are either too short, of a different scope, or doesn't have a strong prospect in the working world.
If I decide to work, Malaysia seem to be the more likely place I would end up next year. As much as I love to, as much as the income here is far superior, competitively, I don't think I can be as good as the locals here especially in my field. Simply put, not very confident at all. Praveen is right when he used the word "Jaguh Kampung" to describe people like me. That's what most of us my friends are (admittedly so). That's what I am.
I guess one other option would be taking a break from everything just to slightly calm down and think about my future during that time. A short break, ranging from 3-6 months, where I can do the odd job like part timing or internships, either in Melb or Msia, and properly think about what I would like to really do in the future. I can even take a really short course in some language or something during that time. Looking at it now, Msia seems the more viable place to take such a 'break' financial-wise, but if there's a good 'part-time' thingy I can do in Melb, why not right?
For now though, I'll have to shelve all these thoughts aside temporarily until at least after the 13th of November which is the date for my final paper in my whole studying career. Can't wait for that day. On a relevant sidenote, I don't think I can ask for anymore out of my time here in Melbourne. But that's another topic for another day.
Final push up next.
-alexeO-
I really want to graduate this semester. Despite not knowing what lies ahead next year and so on, I really want to get this phase over with asap. It doesn't help when the lecturer for this subject I'm most afraid of keeps threatening of failing students last year. It is worst when he keeps mentioning some "not-to-dos" in class without mentioning names and I keep 'terasa'-ing every single time he does that. I can only hope that he has some compassion in him, isn't xenophobic, and think of my situation as an international student in his last semester who really really needs to graduate at all costs.
One obvious dilemma I'm facing now is the choice of staying in Melbourne next year or not. My heart tells me I probably should stay but I also do not want to stay for nothing. I need to have something to do. Postgrad seems unlikely not only because I'm sick of scouring books after books journals after journals and write a long tedious essay but I also don't see where that path can lead me to in the future. Even if postgrad becomes a viable option, it will have to be something more generally accepted and recognised like a MBA or something like that.
I might also want to do a short course like in photography or something but so far, none of the things I've looked at interests me. They are either too short, of a different scope, or doesn't have a strong prospect in the working world.
If I decide to work, Malaysia seem to be the more likely place I would end up next year. As much as I love to, as much as the income here is far superior, competitively, I don't think I can be as good as the locals here especially in my field. Simply put, not very confident at all. Praveen is right when he used the word "Jaguh Kampung" to describe people like me. That's what most of us my friends are (admittedly so). That's what I am.
I guess one other option would be taking a break from everything just to slightly calm down and think about my future during that time. A short break, ranging from 3-6 months, where I can do the odd job like part timing or internships, either in Melb or Msia, and properly think about what I would like to really do in the future. I can even take a really short course in some language or something during that time. Looking at it now, Msia seems the more viable place to take such a 'break' financial-wise, but if there's a good 'part-time' thingy I can do in Melb, why not right?
For now though, I'll have to shelve all these thoughts aside temporarily until at least after the 13th of November which is the date for my final paper in my whole studying career. Can't wait for that day. On a relevant sidenote, I don't think I can ask for anymore out of my time here in Melbourne. But that's another topic for another day.
Final push up next.
-alexeO-
Thursday, September 03, 2009
Rant-a-rant
So I thought I can afford to have a lazy weekend this weekend after last week's 'ordeal' when I spent most of my time doing work after work but I guess I thought wrong afterall.
I am taking a stupid compulsory unit which is very much like a preparation for Honours/Masters level of studies in which you are guided to write a huge research essay of your own at the end of the semester. The problem is, every proposed research topic I come out with my lecturer doesn't like so it's now week seven of the semester and I literally have nothing to work with. Hence, no free weekend this week. Everyone else in my class is so far ahead it's depressing really.
Even after the consultation today, all I probably gained from it if anything at all are some bad impressions by the lecturer who probably thinks I'm all stubborn and lazy now. Stubborn for looking as if I kept insisting on my original topic and lazy for not doing enough research. I wasn't stubborn but confused over what he wants! And I wasn't lazy but I just happened to have looked at sources for my INITIAL topic and not what he suggested to me.
My biggest fears for this unit came true and now it's up to me to work things out and get it over with.
One final semester.
I truly understand the expression now of how the last step is always the hardest.
So near yet so far. One thing's for sure, the probability of me doing a research based postgrad after this year has reduced drastically.
What more I'm doing some ridiculously difficult units for this sem. Getting worried now.
How uni students like myself work.
-alexeO-
I am taking a stupid compulsory unit which is very much like a preparation for Honours/Masters level of studies in which you are guided to write a huge research essay of your own at the end of the semester. The problem is, every proposed research topic I come out with my lecturer doesn't like so it's now week seven of the semester and I literally have nothing to work with. Hence, no free weekend this week. Everyone else in my class is so far ahead it's depressing really.
Even after the consultation today, all I probably gained from it if anything at all are some bad impressions by the lecturer who probably thinks I'm all stubborn and lazy now. Stubborn for looking as if I kept insisting on my original topic and lazy for not doing enough research. I wasn't stubborn but confused over what he wants! And I wasn't lazy but I just happened to have looked at sources for my INITIAL topic and not what he suggested to me.
My biggest fears for this unit came true and now it's up to me to work things out and get it over with.
One final semester.
I truly understand the expression now of how the last step is always the hardest.
So near yet so far. One thing's for sure, the probability of me doing a research based postgrad after this year has reduced drastically.
What more I'm doing some ridiculously difficult units for this sem. Getting worried now.
How uni students like myself work.
-alexeO-
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
New Man
In the month of August I got myself:
New kicks. My very own Maroon(purplish-brownish) Converse. Random people spotted with the same color so far in Melbourne: Zero. One of my favourite color tones too.
New cap. This is special because everyone knows I have an above average sized head and throughout my life I was never a cap person because they don't fit my head. Thx to the macho hip-hop baseball full cap culture, I've finally found a cap which fits, and what's more, it makes me look somewhat Jappy-Koreanish too hahahah.
New shirt. A white long-sleeved button shirt. Everyone needs one. And it looks pretty good too. (The mask is new as well, but not worth mentioning, the tie however is borrowed).
New haircut. By one of the more expensive Asian saloons in the city of Melb. I have to admit it was initially pretty intimidating as I've never gotten my hair cut by anyone else before but a hairstylist in KL whom I've visited since I was 10 or something. I like it. Compliments my Jappy-Koreanish style HAHAHAH
Anyong Haseyo, Ogenki desu ka hehehehehe
I certainly hope this is not an indication that I've (finally) caught up with the Melbourne shopping bug. Although I've got a dinner and dance on a cruise ship to attend next month :S
Ahh so much work that needs to be done. Lecturer didn't really like my research proposal so I'm gonna think of rephrasing my question a little bit for my big research paper this sem. Also need to finish a report by this weekend before the Merdeka Celebration at CQ Bar! Thoughts about my future have to be temporarily put on hold first I guess..
Decisions, decisions..
-alexeO-
New kicks. My very own Maroon(purplish-brownish) Converse. Random people spotted with the same color so far in Melbourne: Zero. One of my favourite color tones too.
New cap. This is special because everyone knows I have an above average sized head and throughout my life I was never a cap person because they don't fit my head. Thx to the macho hip-hop baseball full cap culture, I've finally found a cap which fits, and what's more, it makes me look somewhat Jappy-Koreanish too hahahah.
New shirt. A white long-sleeved button shirt. Everyone needs one. And it looks pretty good too. (The mask is new as well, but not worth mentioning, the tie however is borrowed).
New haircut. By one of the more expensive Asian saloons in the city of Melb. I have to admit it was initially pretty intimidating as I've never gotten my hair cut by anyone else before but a hairstylist in KL whom I've visited since I was 10 or something. I like it. Compliments my Jappy-Koreanish style HAHAHAH
Anyong Haseyo, Ogenki desu ka hehehehehe
I certainly hope this is not an indication that I've (finally) caught up with the Melbourne shopping bug. Although I've got a dinner and dance on a cruise ship to attend next month :S
Ahh so much work that needs to be done. Lecturer didn't really like my research proposal so I'm gonna think of rephrasing my question a little bit for my big research paper this sem. Also need to finish a report by this weekend before the Merdeka Celebration at CQ Bar! Thoughts about my future have to be temporarily put on hold first I guess..
Decisions, decisions..
-alexeO-
Monday, August 24, 2009
About alexycy
I blog because I want to share my feelings with other people. If I ever told you I blogged because of any other reasons besides the one I just stated, I lied.
This blog today still serves the same purpose as it did when it was first created. I did not create this blog that many years ago in hopes of becoming famous (even though there were several occasions when I did foolishly think to myself, "why not?") nor did I intend to improve my writing skills or anything like that (although I do acknowledge its help to me linguistically over the years).
I admittedly do not try to hide my blog from my friends, although I do not boast its url out loud to everyone I know. It is not difficult to find my blog if you do a quick 'search' (other stalkers would know what I mean) on FB or even on google. Hence, even though I said I did not intend to be famous, my blog is out there for the world to see, simply because I want people to listen to me.
It could be because around the time during the inception of this blog, I might have felt I wasn't being heard, and my opinions hardly mattered or surfaced in 'real' life, I do not know, and I honestly can't tell if you ask.
All of that, somehow links with the fact that most of my posts on this blog are emotional, whiny, and abstract. Its emotional because I want people to know how I feel, its whiny because I want people to know what I want, and its abstract on purpose because I know a section of my readers would hopefully understand it, without me being overly and unnecessarily direct to that specific few. So yes, some of my abstract posts, might have been about you afterall.
Psychologically, it could mean that I am indeed a failure in real life, and that I am so helpless that I'd need a blog to keep me happy and satisfied. But it is my way and form of release and expression, and I believe it is something which everyone does differently.
So I might be at the end of the day diagnosed as simply incapable of properly expressing myself in the real world. So be it.
As long as my 'bad side' as I always like to say, does not hurt others, I will never see it as a major issue I'd need to overcome. (And that, I would say, is an indirect bullet to some of the readers of this blog, of course it isn't so 'indirect' now that I've mentioned it, heh)
So maybe all these explain why there are more posts during physically and emotionally stressful periods, and less when life is plain ol'. Emotionally stressed on my own definition could also mean outbursts of extreme joy or satisfaction, and that explains the occasional 'happy' posts, if you like.
How did this post come about anyway? I only wanted to remind myself to post something up soon, because it is precisely at this moment when I feel the need to share my feelings with my readers who are all friends and people I know in real life, but I ended up explaining too much as usual.
But that's okay, because a post like this is enlightening and insightful to me on a personal level, at least.
Why do some people act the way they do? Why is it not possible for every party to be happy at the same time?
Need to step up alexycy, need to step up.
-alexeO-
This blog today still serves the same purpose as it did when it was first created. I did not create this blog that many years ago in hopes of becoming famous (even though there were several occasions when I did foolishly think to myself, "why not?") nor did I intend to improve my writing skills or anything like that (although I do acknowledge its help to me linguistically over the years).
I admittedly do not try to hide my blog from my friends, although I do not boast its url out loud to everyone I know. It is not difficult to find my blog if you do a quick 'search' (other stalkers would know what I mean) on FB or even on google. Hence, even though I said I did not intend to be famous, my blog is out there for the world to see, simply because I want people to listen to me.
It could be because around the time during the inception of this blog, I might have felt I wasn't being heard, and my opinions hardly mattered or surfaced in 'real' life, I do not know, and I honestly can't tell if you ask.
All of that, somehow links with the fact that most of my posts on this blog are emotional, whiny, and abstract. Its emotional because I want people to know how I feel, its whiny because I want people to know what I want, and its abstract on purpose because I know a section of my readers would hopefully understand it, without me being overly and unnecessarily direct to that specific few. So yes, some of my abstract posts, might have been about you afterall.
Psychologically, it could mean that I am indeed a failure in real life, and that I am so helpless that I'd need a blog to keep me happy and satisfied. But it is my way and form of release and expression, and I believe it is something which everyone does differently.
So I might be at the end of the day diagnosed as simply incapable of properly expressing myself in the real world. So be it.
As long as my 'bad side' as I always like to say, does not hurt others, I will never see it as a major issue I'd need to overcome. (And that, I would say, is an indirect bullet to some of the readers of this blog, of course it isn't so 'indirect' now that I've mentioned it, heh)
So maybe all these explain why there are more posts during physically and emotionally stressful periods, and less when life is plain ol'. Emotionally stressed on my own definition could also mean outbursts of extreme joy or satisfaction, and that explains the occasional 'happy' posts, if you like.
How did this post come about anyway? I only wanted to remind myself to post something up soon, because it is precisely at this moment when I feel the need to share my feelings with my readers who are all friends and people I know in real life, but I ended up explaining too much as usual.
But that's okay, because a post like this is enlightening and insightful to me on a personal level, at least.
Why do some people act the way they do? Why is it not possible for every party to be happy at the same time?
Need to step up alexycy, need to step up.
-alexeO-
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