What happened to me.

Perhaps it wasn't such a good thing that I achieved reasonably good grades for my first semester.

One of the things which keep me working hard for my assignments and exams is the satisfaction of giving a good impression to my lecturers/tutors. Don't ask me why. I just seem to have this tendency of sucking up to my lecturers instilled in me.

And because I have already seemingly done that for my first semester, I have lost all passion and determination to do well for my work presently.

I thought about this once and I realised that the reasonably good grades I achieved in my first semester isn't really all fluke and luck (or the fact that my course is 'easy'). The more I think of it, the more I think of the surprising amount of effort I actually allocated on my work. I actually WORKED for it. I actually remember for my major assignment of me having borrowed piles and piles of books from the library for research purposes. And for my finals, I actually had the initiative to write a book full of notes for a unit I took, and even participated in a study group.

I worked so freaking hard.

But now, I cannot. I don't know why.

I simply cannot produce the very same determination I had. Maybe this 'determination' would come back if my results start dropping real badly. But do I really need that to happen before I could stand up on my feet and drive myself forward again? Sigh.

Stupid rant.

A friend told me once to get a hobby. Good idea, as I thought it could distract me from thinking too much about things not worth thinking about.

Or perhaps I just need someone's shoulder to cry on. Or a hand to pull me up and proceed forward into the path ahead.

It's always the want to obtain something I don't have, isn't it?



I think I know what's wrong with me.


I'm deprived from all things which matters.


Or at least I think I am.


nature photographer alexeo(random)

greatest timewaster ever existed
-alexeO-