Christmas

For the longest time, this was one of the most emotional Christmas Day ever. Screw that, make that the most EVER.

I don't know if it was Coldplay's version of Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas that I heard earlier or something else, somehow this Christmas made me think so much about the people around me and myself.

I didn't even celebrate Christmas to begin with. I only started a few years back solely as an excuse to party. And then I started celebrating with my family at around the same period of time as an excuse to join in the stereotypical exchanging presents and family-bonding fun.

I had so much fun counting down Christmas with my friends just now. And I believe the dinner with my family later will be the typical Christmas-y affair which is great, really.

Can I just take this opportunity to show my love and appreciation to my friends and family.

For all the times you stood by me... LOL GUESS THE SONG.

Merry Christmas folks.





-alexeO-

Euphoria@Euphoria

From the


TABLE

to the


BRIDGE

to the














DANCEFLOOR

to the


BAR

to the


OUTSIDE

.
.
.

Euphoriaaaaaa!

OMFG. The thrills of clubbing. Music thump thump thumping. Lighting flashing. And the liquor acting as the very bridge between the 'euphoria' of the club and the world outside. It's a one-way ticket to paradise! Almost. Until the club decides to close la that is omg potong stim.

It's not REALLY about drinking and getting pissed drunk folks. It's about letting the music flow through your veins and just letting everything around you take control of you. It's about releasing. It's about letting go. It's about feeling as weightless as a feather.

Shit so drama. Like some druggie in rehab only. This is the healthiest substitute(lol, not really but you get what I mean) you can find! Don't do drugs, kids!

Evidence of me being very happy under-influence in a club:


In Poppy Garden, KL



-alexeO-

Rant-a-rant

Wow. I'm so pissed right now.

The sun has risen and I'm still up here and all for nothing.

My C/primary drive keeps running out of space so I had to keep deleting files which I really liked to keep and now the files are all gone for NOTHING I tell you.

How frustrating is that.

And I had to install an anti-virus software into that very congested drive and thus more files to delete and my anti-virus had so many problems installing and I had to keep deleting files throughout the entire thing plus the scan took so long and now I'm here having to face a scan which detected NOTHING.

Waste of time and effort omfg.

Now I'm going to be late for a scheduled appointment with my friends later and they're going to be angry at me AGAIN because I overslept or something.

It's NOT ALWAYS my fault!

Priorities yada yada but I didn't expect so many problems to happen ok.

Sigh.

Stupid breaking down PC. My PC has killed my THIRD frikkin' mouse and now I'm using a lousy 4th. WTF IS THE PROBLEM?! 3 TOTALLY DIFFERENT BRANDS AND SAME FRIKKIN' PROBLEMS GAH.

My modem keeps dying on me and the connection is so so so bad. Not like it was a GOOD modem to begin with. Started off with disallowing me to download anything or else it will threaten to disconnect. What a b*tch.

And my stupid full harddisk. OMFG.

Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Yet to settle a lot of transfer to Melb stuff.

I AM. IN. CHAOS.



-alexeO-

Harro

A very blur pic. Can you find me LOL

Damn that super grainy pic. And even that was after-edit LOL. Either I suck in editing photographs, or the photo is beyond editing, one thing's for sure - my phone cannot take night shots very well. I think it's the former.. weeee. And someone else take the photos next time hmmph!

I know this is super outdated and more than half of the people who read my blog would probably know by now but here it is anyway..



Hi I'm Alex from pre-December 10th.



Hi I'm Alex from post-December 10th. Sorry for the annoyingly-distorted face.

Ahhh. Hello Raymond Lam wahahaha. That angle not very Raymond Lam-ish la but got the sides short front long concept la.. If you don't know who that is go google.


The amount of hair that was swept away from the floor on the hair-cut day was quite horrifying to say the least. Hmmmm.

Never had a single haircut for the whole semester. Which also means that... the same hair on my head experienced every thick and thin of the whole semester with me! Semester over = haircut. That's symbolic for you!

Anyway, my modem is acting up, my mouse is acting up, my facebook is acting up so nooooo!!!!

And, to idle = bad.

Going thru some weird patch of my healthy productive life thingy. It started, then it was followed immediately by this patch, now I'm going to get it back on track again.

OH. That night in Poppy(refer to first photo) was damn memorable. Shit maybe I'll blog about it one day. Abit lazy now..

"See la.. (Yeo, 2008)."

Stupid random ramblings. Boring.



-alexeO-

If you really need to know

If you really need to know,

I'm lost right now.

I was happy with my new outlook on life a couple of months ago. I was set, ready, prepared to take on any obstacles through my new set of lenses I picked up. I was set, ready, prepared like a soldier in-attention waiting for his next orders. But right now, I feel and I know that I am completely.. lost.

It worked for a while, this new outlook of mine. But whether it is the denial which might have possibly taken place taking its toll, or the limits of the 'outlook', right this moment I don't know what to do, which path to take, where to step forward.

In other words, I am lost.

I never felt this unsure since almost forever. My previous outlook albeit not very positive, worked, and I had a full grip of myself and my actions. I had control. I had a direction. I had myself.

Now I'm just all over the place and astray.

I feel broken - into many pieces. Like a smashed vase on the grounds of a clean marble floor.

I felt rejuvenated with the new outlook for the first few months. But like I told a friend recently, I feel that life has lost its meaning somewhat. And it's more complex and less frightening than it sounds because whether you like to believe or not, that previous line has no suicidal implications whatsoever.

It's just that, I was so sure. Negative or not, I was sure. I knew what to do, what to expect, how to react.

I knew what to feel, how to feel, when to feel.

Now I feel like a aimless wet sponge moving reluctantly forward absorbing just about anything which appears next.

I feel unprepared. And confused. And clueless.

I don't know how to get a certain thing done until the last second.

Maybe I need to patch myself up, but if patching up means to revert, I don't think I can do it anymore.

Maybe it's the balance I'm struggling to muster.

Maybe it's just me.

Maybe I'm just not ready.



-alexeO-

Can't Take That Away

-alexeO-

I'm Alex from the Past

"tomorrow?"

Either my mind is too single-tracked to comprehend (kinda harsh, it could be the time of day), or I've somehow managed to disrupt the time-space equilibrium through my idle-ness and conflicting sleeping hours at home, this is something worth mentioning.

Here's a festive joke for you:

On Christmas Eve Santa Claus was getting ready for his annual
trip.

As he pulled his favorite pair of red pants on, they ripped.
So, he had to take them off and put on another pair, which were
a bit too tight. He then went to check on the rest of the
preparations.

The elves were on strike. The reindeer had shin-splints. At
this point, Santa was BUMMED.

He went into the kitchen to take a calming drink, and the
bottle was EMPTY. Now he was really mad. All of a sudden, there
was a knock at the door.

Santa, in his angry state, ignored it. There was another knock.
Santa was in no mood for all of this. When the knock came again,
Santa --filled with rage-- threw open the door.

Standing there was a little angel who said, "Hi Santa! What do
you want me to do with this Christmas Tree?" Hence...the story
of the angel atop the tree.

Just so you know, productive week failed as predicted by some of you nonsupportive skeptics *disgruntled face*. But I really tried. Oh well, we always have next week to look forward to!

I really want to achieve so much this summer break but my heart says one thing my mind says another.

I hate being asked to do something. I want to do it myself so I can let people know that whatever I do is from my very own initiative and not by anyone's request or demand. What's the point if I only do something after being asked to. I refuse to be a conformist slave!

Stupid capitalist society. Life is not about working you falsely conscious idiots. RISE UP MY FELLOW PROLETARIANS!

Sigh.


Wishing he lived in a Marx's idealistic society,

-alexeO-

Glutton & Insecurities

I'm such a glutton I feel sick =(

People sometimes wonder why I'm 'rounder' than most of my friends who eat more than me and I have to admit I sometimes feel that way too. *cuts wrist

But today confirms it all!

Well it could also be the lower activity rate as compared to my friends but I personally think it's more to the amount I could and would gobble up at times. I might not feel hungry at all but if I have a craving for a certain something, let's say, McD or maggi mee goreng, I would order and eat it regardless of whether I'm full at that time or not.

Then I would struggle to finish it but I will also feel at that particular point that not eating it is such a waste that I would force myself bite by bite to gobble down the food.

This, coming from a guy who is happy eating one meal day is significant.

I just need to NOT think of food now at random times.. that's it..

Oh oh and I received my offer letter today! It simply means that I can now legally transfer to the Monash campus in Australia.

Like finally la. Damn slow the faculty zzz.

I dunno what to feel to be honest. I feel exactly the same as before I got the letter. The pieces just moved about and switched places a little bit here and there but the overruling plot remains the same. Part of me wants to stay part of me tells me staying isn't even an option anymore.

Ok I'm going to be frank here.

I am freaking out and feeling crazily paranoid over my new life there.

No it isn't so much the staying alone, cleaning the house, cooking for self, doing laundry thing.

It is... the virtually nonexistent social circles I have there. This has always been my bane and worst fear ever since I left school. But at least in college there were some schoolmates; despite being in different classes we still managed to meet during our breaks early in the year when we first started.

At least in uni there were a few people from college and school that now despite being in different courses, we got to meet after classes and the occasional break sometimes.

And at least in BOTH the situations above, it all happened in comfortable, safe, secure, and most importantly, LOCAL.. Malaysia!

Now the plot thickens to a whole new level and I'll be going to some ang moh land and I'll be going to be the new kid and I'm freaking out zomggggggg.

I know there are a considerable amount of international students there as well but I'm more than sure by now they all have established cliques and comfortable social circles that I am going to have to struggle to be apart of. Sux.

Only because I'm going in as a 3rd year International student, that's why it is that baaaad. It wouldn't be that bad if I had someone from the Monash campus here in Msia going with me to the same campus taking all the same units with me but I do not have that luxury unfortunately.

There are people from the Msian campus going there next year as well but they are either going to another of the many Monash campuses in Melbourne or will be taking a different set of subjects altogether.

AHHHHHHHHHH!

Being anti-social definitely has something to do with it but it is not ALL about it I assure you.

I guess I can only take it as a practice for the working world in the future.

Then again, I'm only speaking from paranoid speculations and thinking of the worst that could happen.

Going in as 3rd year student... ang moh land.. malaysians and other international students knowing each other beforehand... in a course where you have to talk to score... final year before graduation... living alone...

=(

Advices please, anyone?



-alexeO-