The Uni Ball and Its Afterparty

Signs you are getting old, or rusty:-

When you come back from a club feeling partially deaf.

When you come back from a club feeling dizzy after having the lights go dim dark bright dim dark bright repeat sequencex300 on you.

When you come back from a club feeling like you've just hiked a mountain, after having to groove to the music for only the first couple of songs, then having your legs feeling heavy and almost dying on you and your mind wandering to somewhere irrelevant and far away, like your bed.

Hello. Currently, my ears feel so blocked, my legs feel so sore and my head feels so spinny it isn't funny. Not at all.

Off-topic: What's the worst thing about opening your bag and having a black bug(presumably the world's greatest fiend, the cockroach), jumping out and crawling to somewhere between your stacks and stacks of university books.

The fact that it is still somewhere in my freaking room of course. ARGHHHHHH!! HOW TO SLEEP IN PEACE KNOWING THAT A COCKROACH IS ROAMING AROUND MY ROOM AHHHH.

AND DON'T JUDGE ME!

I know people must be thinking why Alex always got cockroach encounters stories to tell one.

It's not because I'm dirty ok! I dunno why also. If can I also don't want please. Sigh.

I don't think I'm even half as dirty as the dirtiest person around lor. In fact I can be quite obsessive compulsive when it comes to cleanliness. To a certain extent.

But anyway, stupid cockroach in my room. Nooooo.

Back to the original topic: Euphoria by MOS was.. quite decent. (sorry joe! it was part of my uni ball!)

I actually liked the dizzy-fying lighting effects. Made us feel like the whole lot of us were doing a robot dance. And it's also good for shy people like myself! It won't make your dancing that obvious and even so, you will actually look like you know what you're doing LOL.

One thing about Euphoria is their music. Personally, not a huge fan of electro-techno-trance thingy. Sorry I dunno the difference and to be honest I don't really care.

And even their RnB room had only like what, 50% of RnB. IF that was the RnB room la.

So if there is a reason why I didn't really thoroughly put myself to dance throughout the night, that could be it. Lawl.

And why so crowded one? Merdeka Eve? How come people before complained about the lack of people when today was certainly quite the opposite? O_o

And oh yea I didn't even need to sip any alcoholic drink to start dancing! That's progress for you. I only had a few sips of beer during the night and even then, was AFTER the dancing. Wooo~

I actually thought the ball was pretty good. I mean, I am not exactly mr.critical when it comes to judging events I attend but the food was above average(for me), the performances weren't second grade(for me again), and I was QUITE entertained throughout the night. So I don't see how much more I can ask for.

I'll post some photos when I get them. I'll try to at least. If I remember. Or feel like it the next time. Hahaha.

Ok ok. My blogging mood disappearing already. So bai bai.



-alexeO-

Lux Aeterna/Requiem for a Dream

One word. Imba.

Especially at 1:00, 3:00, 4:00, 5:00, 6:00.

EPIC. WITH A CAPITAL E-P-I-C.

CAN I DO A BATTLE CRY NOW AND RUN AND JUMP AND FORCE MYSELF INTO THE VOID WHERE I GET WASHED IN PURE ENERGY RAYS AND HAVE THE DARKNESS SWALLOW ME UP THEN SPIT ME OUT AGAIN TO WHICH I FREEFALL AIMLESSLY DOWN THE LIMITLESS SERENE SKIES.

I. AM. REBORN.


*presses play for the 3523532th time*



-alexeO-

Still there

Okay.. so my healthy life gets postponed a little bit - probably by a day or two.

Big deal. :/

It's still happening I tell ya, it still is..

._.



-alexeO-

Of Me and Beijing 2008

I get emotional watching the medal ceremony of the Olympic Games. What is wrong with me?!

I cannot help but 'risk' 'almost' tearing up witnessing the medalists accepting their medals and having the most sincere and genuine of smiles ever printed on their faces. All their hard work paying off and how proud they must feel at that very moment. And watching them tearing up while their national anthem is played especially when the camera fades between the faces of the medalists and the national flag just kills me. Full stop.

After every medal ceremony without fail, I will have this sudden burst of determination to take up a sport and aim to be on the podium one fine day. But of course, it is too late for that now. But it doesn't hurt to dream.

I WANT TO BE A MEDALIST ON THE WORLD STAGE T_T I THINK I WONT JUST TEAR UP BUT BAWL LIKE A CRAZY BABY IF I WAS INDEED THERE BY SOME STROKE OF GOOD, OUT-OF-THIS-WORLD FORTUNE T_T

sigh.

A few days back after witnessing one of the many medal ceremonies, I turned to my parents and asked them why didn't they make me take up a sport when I was much younger so they can have an extra thing about me they can be proud of. And of course so that I can ACTUALLY go through the exact same thing the medalists I saw on TV went through!

They shrugged. Then sniggered. I love my parents. T_T

APPARENTLY, I was encouraged to but for some reason.. I am where I am today. Dot dot dot.

SIGH.. *thinks of a sport I can take up now which doesn't require much finesse and it won't be too late*

Shooting. No interest. No talent also the last time I checked.
Archery. Needs some strength I think to pull the bow.
Swimming, badminton, cycling, martial arts. LOL.

Golf? I know they have a senior tour for the pros. :-| And I read somewhere a few days back they might introduce golf to the Olympics! OMG IS THIS A SIGN.

But alot of pros started young. Like Tiger Woods duh. +_+ But I'm sure NOT ALL started golfing before they could even walk properly right right right?

Haha. This will be another sudden determination thing down the drain in a few weeks or perhaps even days time. Oh well, at least it is nice to dream once in a while. Keep my much-needed spirit up at times. Boo.

And oh yea, the Italian national anthem is damn wowowoowow! They have like some Mozart(I know he's not from Italy stfu), orchestra, thingy in the beginning then some awesome melody later when the vocals(think so) actually come in. But that particular melody part sounds damn familiar I think it's some famous composition in the music world. But the music illiterate me wouldn't know it of course..

So we didn't get to hear the Negaraku in Beijing 2008. :/ So we didn't get to see history in the making yet. But I'm quite positive that day will come.. relatively soon. Actually, I think it is good in a way as it actually greatly heightens up the hype for the future first gold medalist from Msia.

And it be could from golf. From me.

My dream is still alive! Hurray! Hahahahaa.



the Dreamer,
-alexeO-

Healthy Life

.. starts next week.

more sleep

earlier sleep

earlier rise

gym

healthier eating times.

Laugh you may, but we'll see who gets the last laugh!

*insert determined emoticon*

p/s: I was browsing my folders looking for a photo to upload here to give the wtf random effect and I couldn't find any but I am now kinda determined to blog about the recent trip I had!! See how first la. Hah. Zz.



-alexeO-

Conversation with K

*

I self-inflicted myself

and it hurts so badly now

and I can't turn back time

and the fact that I have to do so much more

under so much pain

is almost unbearable.

*

Why do I have to be tougher than others now

cause I self-inflicted myself

why did I do that

cause I'm stupid

and ignorant

and lousy

and a failure to myself

and to everyone around me.


*

but I deserve it

I made a promise to myself

and the people around me

that I will not repeat what I did last sem

but it's just so difficult

and the longer i prolong it

the more painful my suffering become

and the harder it is to do.

*

It's almost poetic.

It's not just about the assignments. It's how I cannot muster enough strength to be responsible enough, to be disciplined enough. Guess I will not really grow up and break out of the shell until I find a way around this obstacle.

It's almost poetic. My pain, that's what.



-alexeO-

SOS

And just like that,

my resolution is gone.

I need help. Serious help.



-alexeO-

Hello

Hello everyone. It's a gloomy evening here in Malaysia just like any other typical gloomy evenings we have over here.

I am doing great, like always, well somewhat anyway, and no I have not slit my wrists or sunk into depression.

The recent posts in my blog might suggest otherwise but I think one important thing people who are actually concerned ought to know is that I like to sometimes see my blog as some sort of alter, inner, subconscious ego of myself which is often exaggerated, extreme and crazy. And it is important to express that ego in one way or another in order for me to remain sane and stay the person I am today.

That's my way of self-control and living in this world I guess. So people shouldn't read too much into posts like that! Hohoho.

But I do appreciate very much the concern and advices shown. Tankiu! I feel very cared for! Wahaha.

Putting that aside.. once and for all,

I am now in the much dreaded period of my semester in university. There is just so much to write and so much to do and so much to think about that it is unavoidable that I can survive the period without heavier eyebags or thumping headaches. Boo. =(

I had a resolution this semester to not hand up assignments overdue anymore unlike last sem and it is a resolution I am still determined to fulfill because handing up assignments late sucks to the core and the many marks I could have gained are lost as a result.

I also had a resolution to try and complete assignments early and doing all that while maintaining a healthy bodyclock but wtf. I guess I have to be realistic and take one thing/resolution at a time. Stfu, at least I'm trying.

On a sidenote, glad I got that part which was bothering me settled even though it was not done in the best possible way I would have hoped for but at least it is pushed under the carpet at least for now.

Time to start working. I might have the mood to brighten up the dark blog literally with photos soon! No promises though.



-alexeO-

The Annoying Funny Feeling

Sometimes, I just wish time would freeze as it is.

I would gladly continue being the underachieving kid I am, the kid with the unhealthy lifestyle, and all other things negative about me now as long as I get the people around me to stay and never leave me in any ways whatsoever.

I hate the fact that people have to grow old and venture into their own ways one fine day.

I hate the fact that it is unpropable that I wake up everyday feeling at ease, comforted to know that the people around you are still around you.

I hate the fact that we don't have the luxury of hanging out with the same company every single day until the day we die.

I hate the fact that we don't appreciate the people around us until they leave us.

I remember somewhat clearly one night a few years back when I was just lying on my bed before dozing off thinking about how lonely I was. It was during the time when I went to school everyday feeling like I had no one to confide to, no one who genuinely cares about me. It wasn't like I had no friends, depending on how you choose to define that term, but I felt everything was just so.. insincere.

I remember tears rolling down my cheeks after the thought struck me about how the siblings I grew up with and spent my whole childhood with were no longer a room or two away. And nothing is ever going to be the same again.

And now the feeling has crept back.

I don't know how people might take or interpret this; but I'm gonna say it anyway.

I hate the fact that I have very limited or no one around me who takes genuine concern about how or what I'm doing, no one who would reach out their hands when I am down, no one who would express gratitude for the things I do for them, no one who would show sincere concern over my feelings, over my problems, over my life.

I don't know why, but at times, I just blame whoever's responsible up there and think that this is not something I am blessed with unlike the many other people in this world.

I hate the fact that the very few people I can place my trust on are leaving or have already gone and ventured to their very own paths in life.

And that nothing is ever, going to be the same again.

We will all grow old, start working, meet new 'friends', and have other people in our lives to care about.

Sometimes, I just wish time would freeze as it is. I really do.

I am not writing this so that people can come to me and say they care or they are sincere and they love me. I also know how stupid I sound thinking like the pathetic kid whom nobody in this world loves. It is just among the many things that I feel I have to let out before I explode inside. Of course, you might not agree and accuse me of sympathy-seeking, it's your prerogative. I also understand the implication this post might have on the people who are actually affected by it. It might change things, and that is supposed to be a good thing for me. But to be completely honest, it really isn't. If anything, any change now as a resultant effect of this post would only equal to more insincerities.

It is ironic that when I actually see posts like this on other blogs, I immediately raise my eyebrow and laugh at their pathetic-ness.

I guess I can take comfort in distributing this token of redemption - now people can laugh at me, if they haven't already.

I don't know why I feel the need to be loved and cared about so badly.

I don't know why I feel so freaking deprived of everything.

I don't know where other people are getting their support pillars from.

I don't know why I feel so fking miserable, almost all the fking time.



-alexeO-

Those Little Irreversible Things

At times, no matter how much, how tempting, or how painful it might be, the wisest option is to suck it all in, and hold back. Regardless of how good you might feel at that very moment, and for that short span of time after.

Only because there are certain actions in life which are irreversible. And no matter how hard you try, or how long you wait after that, it will not and never be the same anymore. Never ever in our limited lifetimes.

It is simply not worth it.

Never let your emotions take control no matter what, that's my little piece of advice coming from experience.

Sounds obvious enough but it really isn't.

Somewhat ironically those little irreversible things are the very essences of what forms or constitutes a particular relationship between two human beings. Good or bad, negative or positive, thoroughly dependent on 'those little irreversible things'.

More the reason to keep 'those little irreversible things' under control..

And not let your emotions decide who you like or dislike, and vice versa.

If only our life isn't so dependent upon relationships with other people.

Hear it from me, I learnt it the hard way.




-alexeO-

Piercing Stares

If I stop judging, will I stop being judged?

As a sidenote, stop branding, labeling and essentializing me you ignorant fools.

After a thoughtful consideration, I think I would do with one person liking me versus wanting the whole world to.

Then again, I'm not so sure. But I shall shape my life according to that belief now.

Why are some people in the world so goddamn gifted and talented? What's worst is when you actually thought you had a particular ability or talent only to have it rudely taken away from you when you realized that your virtually non-existent abilities are remarkably inferior to those other people you meet later in life.

So where does that put me?

Not in a very good place - that's for sure.




-alexeO-