Pathetic Lies

I got damn ill today.

Woke up after a few hours of sleep feeling like I was about to puke. Had diarrhoea. And eventually my body gave in and I puked too. Which says a lot because I am not normally a puker. Not in the last 10-15 years anyway. :/ I really tried holding it in but I couldn't. I didn't want to puke because I thought the feeling will suck but it turned out a little better than I thought it would be. Oh well.

Feeling better now but still not completely healed I think. Worst timing ever I say. I looked ragged during my brother's convocation thanks to that. And looked like crap in the family portrait. Looked every inch the sick man I was. During the whole ceremony, I felt like I was about to collapse and my head was thumping like crazy. All I wanted at that time was to lie on my bed and fall deep asleep. But thankfully it resided a little and I feel better now. Fingers crossed I would go back feeling like a million dollars tomorrow. But then again, I never felt like a million dollars before.

On another note, when will the lies stop I wonder to myself sometimes. It's strangely offensive too seeing that people actually think I'm that stupid and ignorant. And am I ready to face the undeniable, I dunno. But I guess until the day it really affects me, and the day that I do not care that much anymore, I would try my best to have things remain the way they are, even though they might hurt me in the worst ways possible.

Maybe it's not that irrelevant to my earlier point afterall. Maybe the illness came as a resulting effect from the things I bottle up inside.

I should sleep now. Hopefully I would feel much better tomorrow.

Both physically and psychologically.



-alexeO-