Ah

so true!


source: link




-alexeO-

Self-development

Learning to say no. And to reject others.

Progressing surprisingly well so far.

*pats self on back



-alexeO-

The Past Relived

Today I did the unthinkable and cut my hair.

"Wtf?" You might be thinking.

"Wtf," I say.

It's the shortest ever since I left school.

The verdict? Still need some getting used to I reckon. Even for myself.

Just do me a favor and don't comment or say anything about my hair until... 4 weeks later. By that time if you have not already gotten used to it, my hair would probably grow back to its normal ordinary comforting self again anyway.

So before you laugh, snigger, or scoff when you see me the next time, have a careful consideration and think of my self-esteem thanks.

Else, don't blame me when I start bursting into tears and bawl right in front of you. Even in public. Nola, I won't do that. But I might just sulk in a corner or worst yet, immediately walk or run away from whatever place I would be at and seek refuge in some solitary confinement wherever that might be.

I'm sure you don't want to see that happening.

Then again, maybe you would. Whatever it is, just.. don't.. say.. anything.

I am overly self-conscious, I know. I also know I am very weak mentally, so enough of that already.

Truth is, I don't think anyone would care about my hair as much as I think they would. So that's being self-absorbed on my part. And secondly, I don't even hate my new hair. So who am I kidding.

There you go, a waste of your time reading a redundant, pointless post.

Welcome to alexycy.blogspot.com.




-alexeO-

Amazing

Almost one full week after my return from my trip, I still have not slept satisfactorily. By that, I mean no more than.. 8 hours.

Shit man. While everyone is all geared up and freshened for the new semester, I had a miserable first week feeling like crap.

And I also have been substituting my previously mentioned 2-weeks absence with late night outings every night from the day my semester started.

As a result, I have thumping headaches every now and then.

Why liddat.

dot dot dot.

so lazy to post photos or type any longer. dunno y. maybe after i get my required rest i'll bore everyone with those things again.

why so serious. let's put a smile on that face. the dark knight was pretty cool. was i the only one who felt some parts were draggish. okla it was good but why everyone rate and review it until so 'kua cheong'. weird, i must have missed something in the film. :/

dot dot.

post ends.

dot.



-alexeO-

Immuned

I think I have become immuned to my alarm clock(s).

Is that possible?

On another note, I am overly self-conscious. Boring.



-alexeO-

Way to go

Missed my first lecture of the new semester.

So much for my resolutions right?

Wrong.

Cause it wasn't my fault. Not entirely anyway. It was the police's.

Stupidly set up road blocks for nothing. Spawned massive congestion everywhere. Causing their very own citizens to suffer and get late for work and school and university. Equals people doing less work. Equals low productivity. Equals children not learning anything. Equals children failing their exams. Equals low country progress. Equals rubbish authorities.

This will never happen anywhere else.

Truly and uniquely Malaysian I say.

A one of a kind nation-state.




-alexeO-

HAIH

Arrived in Malaysia 12 hours ago.

Haven't even unpack my stuff but have to start thinking about attending class tomorrow.

What to wear, what to do, what to say, where to sit, how to react, how to talk, how to present myself.

ONE MORE WEEK OF LAZING AT HOME WILL BE THE PERFECT RECOVERY TIME.

I'm tanned, sick, hair's messy, mentally tired and just not prepared.

It's back to uni again. Sien oh!




-alexeO-

Sem 1, Year 2

My results suck.

Mostly due to a certain lecturer and more particularly my lateness in assignment submissions.

So it's mostly my fault.

Guess I can only look forward to next sem now. I mean it. No, really. I shall be back with a vengeance. You just watch.

*fades into the shadows

._.



-alexeO-

Pathetic Lies

I got damn ill today.

Woke up after a few hours of sleep feeling like I was about to puke. Had diarrhoea. And eventually my body gave in and I puked too. Which says a lot because I am not normally a puker. Not in the last 10-15 years anyway. :/ I really tried holding it in but I couldn't. I didn't want to puke because I thought the feeling will suck but it turned out a little better than I thought it would be. Oh well.

Feeling better now but still not completely healed I think. Worst timing ever I say. I looked ragged during my brother's convocation thanks to that. And looked like crap in the family portrait. Looked every inch the sick man I was. During the whole ceremony, I felt like I was about to collapse and my head was thumping like crazy. All I wanted at that time was to lie on my bed and fall deep asleep. But thankfully it resided a little and I feel better now. Fingers crossed I would go back feeling like a million dollars tomorrow. But then again, I never felt like a million dollars before.

On another note, when will the lies stop I wonder to myself sometimes. It's strangely offensive too seeing that people actually think I'm that stupid and ignorant. And am I ready to face the undeniable, I dunno. But I guess until the day it really affects me, and the day that I do not care that much anymore, I would try my best to have things remain the way they are, even though they might hurt me in the worst ways possible.

Maybe it's not that irrelevant to my earlier point afterall. Maybe the illness came as a resulting effect from the things I bottle up inside.

I should sleep now. Hopefully I would feel much better tomorrow.

Both physically and psychologically.



-alexeO-

Missed Point

Oh btw, may I add that..

Summer in England is ridiculous. They would never need air-conditioning ever over here because I think the temperature never goes above 20 degrees Celsius. I don't know the exact numbers but all I know is that it certainly goes against the stereotype of summer being the season where everyone dresses skimpily and swat flies and wear shades and complain about the heat. Wtf really.

Maybe this assumption is only apt for certain parts of England but still.

And it's true. It's always dark and gloomy here. And wet too.

At times like these you wish for the sun. During the sunny times however, you wish for weathers like these.

So hard to please.



-alexeO-

Reporting In

Elo.

I just got back to my brother's crib so all's good atm.

Kena penetrated by the sun during my Greece holiday like giler babi so now skin damn lousily tanned and abit sunburnt all over.

I can and am going to generalise that Greece is the land of the casual Mediterranean-looking angmoh whose people are as law abiding as Malaysia's surprisingly enough because I always thought the people from angmoh lands are usually very law abiding and punctual and all but Greece is actually pretty different.

Casual because the people are very selekeh there and the guys mostly have unkept facial hair and also both the guys and the girls dress as though they are about to go for a swim anytime.

And not to mention freaking hot too. But the islands are beautiful nonetheless. Photos up soon.

And I also want to generalise that UK is the epitome of angmoh-ness. You can never get more angmoh than UK. Even the Americans are not as angmoh because their forefathers were mostly Brits anyway, I think.. so they aren't that..pure. So anyway, the accent here is damn 'kau' and basically they are just very.. angmoh la. Dunno how to explain yawnz zzz. Maybe cause they speak the original English here and they eat English breakfast for breakfast zzz or they are whiter than normal zzz.

Oh and before I forget.. the people in Greece aren't exactly very friendly. I didn't feel welcomed at all from the time I reached the country. Before you say anything, it's not just me la shaddup. They aren't known for being that hospitable anyway. And add to the fact that... I'm yellow. Ok maybe I shudn't judge like that but hey, that's the way the world goes.

The people in the UK are much more friendlier even though you certainly cannot apply that to every single person here. I kena sounded by a lady when I wanted to buy mineral water in a shop in London kesian betul T_____T How I know the line is one split to two one.. Where I'm from, we don't even have a line T____T But to be honest it's just me being sensitive and overly self-conscious as usual.

This post damn Malaysian. Purposely one.

I just checked my uni timetable. Yay got all my first allocated choices. Shud be thankful. But exam results out soon sigh.

Anyone back home miss me yet? Haha. Fishing for self-esteem booster. Let me be!!!11

Why isn't anyone updating the blogs back home. When I was back there update so often eventhough got no significance! I wanna know what's happening!! Fuiyo. Sounding as if I was away for few centuries long liddat. But really I miss the comfort of home. :/

It's damn late now sigh. 10am Malaysian time. I'm damn tired. I don't wanna sleep cause I don't feel like it. And I know I'm gonna regret if I do need to wake up early tmr.. not sure if I need to yet though. But even with that knowledge, I am still not sleeping. Problematic child.

Oh btw. Emirates Stadium was a blast. I loved every inch and metre and centimetre and millimetre of it. Cause I'm biased like that. Photos up soon #2.

I think I'll head to bed now.

C ya.



-alexeO-

The Long Lost Black Sheep

I've always wanted to avoid the truth but I guess denial can only go so far.

I try and try and force myself every single time. It was a struggle and still is a struggle and will be a struggle as long as I want it to be. As long as I need it to be.

It hurts a lot. And it takes up a lot of me that I cannot deny. I was never ready to share it with anyone and maybe I should have had. But the options I have are either so scarce or non-existent.

So what do I do now? I remind myself all the time. And the only answer which continuously appear is the one asking me to continue striving and hurting myself as long as I live, as long as the days go by. It is almost making me wanting to kneel down, and pray hard that this is all just a dream which I will wake up from one fateful day. And realising that day will never come is like having a thousand knives stabbing me right into the very core of my heart.

My personality cannot cope. I feel bad for everything that is happening. I feel like I am the only one fighting a lost cause and everyone else is on the other side.

It does not help feeling like you're alone in something. It hurts so much I am so afraid it'll all explode into a million fragments one day without my will.

The worst part of it all will most certainly be the part when I thought I had a fleet of people behind me versus the single odd one but it has dawned upon me that there is no me and my fleet versus the odd one. But instead, I have become the odd one now and it is me against everyone else.

It aches me to know that it was not always like this.

You do not need to go very far to fully comprehend the entire picture.

I simply do not belong.

And that pains me to the very core.




-alexeO-