This feeling in my heart

I was rudely awaken this afternoon by the blasting simple plan ringing tone.
I looked at my phone's display screen and saw the ever so huge words blinking, desperately attempting to catch my attention.

Kelvin's Mum HP
calling

Haih.
I was super tired and did not feel like talking to anyone at the moment so I just looked for the red button on my hp and pressed it. I know it wasn't really Kelvin's mum anyway. The kiamsiap Kelvin always uses his mum's hp to avoid the credit usage on his own hp. So, end of ringing. Back to sleep.

It wasn't a while later when I got distracted by another sound, probably something my maid was cleaning downstairs. So I opened my eyes slowly just to figure out it is probably late in the day already. I searched for my HP in an attempt to look at the time but I saw this instead on my hp display screen.

1 Message Received

I clicked on the Read function only to see a message from Kelvin HP which read,

You guys wan2 go out after scholastic?

Then it shot me.
My school's scholastic award day is today.
Dammit.
My whole original plans of attending the scholastic day crumbled so quickly, disappearing from sight.
I always got a habit of looking at Message Details to find out when the message was sent and I found out it was actually 9am in the morning. Yeap. Hours before the phone call from Kelvin Tan. So obviously I missed the whole ceremony and then I went back to my sleep again.

I woke up few hours later only to found out I slept for more than 12 hours already.
I had to take my shower before I finally got fresh enough to think. I remembered about the phone call Kelvin made and the message.
The scholastic award. Damn. I missed it. I really wanted to go.

It was only slightly later when I had another thought about the award ceremony.
My heart twisted slightly as I began pondering.
My eyes had the slightest shade of green as my heart became uncomfortable.

Scholastic Award.
I should be there.

Having attended the Award ceremony in 2004 for my PMR achievement.. I suddenly felt horrible that I'm not attending it again.

I was jealous.
I felt it.
It was so near yet so far.
I wanted my name to be called by the emcee. I wanted ppl to clap for me as I proudly walked onto the stage to receive my cheque.

But it didn't happen, obviously.

I remembered in 2004 during the ceremony or few days before it, I was telling my family on how I would not attend the ceremony ever again as I was struggling with my subjects at that time.. the very first few months of Senior 4.

I was really at a joking manner at that time but I was inside quite serious too as I never imagined how I would score for my Physics, Chem, Biology and Add Maths. I was thinking on how one could actually score so many As in their SPM examinations and I thought I would actually only probably got 1-2 that time. So I told my family that I would not be attending the award again and just told them to cherish the moment cause it would be my last.

How dumbfuck I actually was.

Because of the words I said, it became a reality.
However, I did manage much more As then I had imagined at 2004.
I know I did not work for my SPM so I don't really have the right complain right now.. but neither have I worked for my PMR but I was there.

I missed attending the scholastic award by a mere 1 A.
It was at MSN a while ago when I suddenly got all these feelings jumbled up.

|a.y| says:
why u gg-ed
Richmond says:
gg..
|a.y| says:
today was scholastic award day..
Richmond says:
what's that gotto do with me?
|a.y| says:
i'm sad.
|a.y| says:
i not attending.
Richmond says:
u shud know the reason why u not there
|a.y| says:
i know.
|a.y| says:
cause the school dowan to allow 1119 as an additional subject.
Richmond says:
rofl?
|a.y| says:
wat
|a.y| says:
it's true
|a.y| says:
they dowan to spend money
Richmond says:
rofl?
|a.y| says:
kiamsiap shit
|a.y| says:
or they hate me
|a.y| says:
bla
Richmond says:
rofl?
|a.y| says:
stfu
|a.y| says:
btw i am copying this conversation to my blog
|a.y| says:
tx
Richmond says:
wtf?

I had enough As on my SPM slip.
Only the school didn't want to look at that part to count the sufficient As needed.
My classmates in Taylor's all told me their school all actually looked at the 1119(a seperate marking for the English paper) when they were giving away rewards and all.
Even to include the 1119 in the total As were very normal for those from certain schools.
I didn't get to fight my case actively as I was the ONLY person with this problem in my school. The rest who got the same amount of As with me didn't get As for the 1119.
I'm sure if there were more cases like mine, I would actually get ppl to fight with me. But it never happened. So it didn't happen.

No use crying over spilt milk now I know. Whoever I tell this to they will simply tell me that I over-achieved for the efforts I put in last year. No one saw me working hard whatsoever but I achieved more than anyone could predict.
It's true I don't deserve the money if I had gotten it but I feel it is normal to complain after having the reward robbed away from you just like that.
Ppl will tell me that I would probably actually score straight As if I had actually WORK for my SPM which I did not really.

Does all these actually mean..
I am actually capable of scoring results only posted in the newspapers?
O_O

I am actually smart. Hey.
Just lazy.
Everyone tells me that.
LOL. I am starting to love myself.

And yes, I may just be saying all these to satisfy myself so just stfu.

Also,
I'm not becoming full of myself but.. if it is indeed true..
Will hardwork actually put me in Melbourne U like I had always targetted?

More tests up this coming week in college.
Time to prove my hypothesis.
Or not?


-alexeO-