I'm a lousy friend

When a friend you have not met for several months asks you,
"so.. u still going to the gym or not?"

you will be struggling to put on ur best smile, and forced to keep a straight face.

at that very moment, you will also tend to sit up slightly straighter and breathe in a little bit harder.

not forgetting having ur face jerk out ever so slightly.

then you will slowly reply that friend of yours, whatever the reply may be.

sometimes,
however much people TRY to be polite and nice,
the messages they try to send hurt even more.

It's obviously not a question to spark a conversation because there are roughly 10463464 more interesting conversation sparkers than that very question. So why choose that.

But i'm not bitter.
Nah.

If you think that friend who asks that question just wanted to know for his or her own personal curiosity, then you are wrong.
Because, why will she or he ask if the answer is obvious before his or her eyes.
If she or he sees a slim and fit me, the question wouldnt even arise, right?


In other words, I think I've put on weight.
Sigh.


Speaking about friends,
ah..
yes.

I think I'm a lousy friend. Any not many ppl will disagree I think.

People think I'm lousy because I do not invite them into my house.
I also don't seem to appreciate friends who travel far distances just to see me.
I choose sleep over hanging out with my group of friends.
I seem arrogant to people I have not met for a while, but trust me. I'm not. I'm just too shy.

I do think there are people who appreciate my friendship though.
Because those people know me well enough NOT to JUDGE me before they know me to a certain extent.

Sometimes, after talking with a friend on the phone,
my dad will ask me
"why you sounded so rude to your friend??"

I will then give him a blur and confused look and ask,"got meh?"

Then I think back slowly what I said and how I reacted and realised.. "hm... actually abit rude lo"

But that's just me.
And if you think I'm rude to you when I talk,
then you should be happy.
:)

Because I only talk like that to people I'm extremely close with.
Because I think they know I didn't mean any harm.

It's 3AM and I need to wake up early later.

My conclusion?
I'm a fat lousy friend.
That is something to seriously sigh about.

Sigh.


-alexeO-