Goodbye 2006

What an eventful year.

Seriously.

My first year out of school and I absolutely cherish it.

It was the year which I personally feel I've grown alot mentally and maybe to a certain tiny weeny extent, physically as well. :)

It's funny how much I learnt this year relative to 2005 which was a horrible year for me but a year which I didn't learn as much as this year, 2006.

For the first time in my life,
I feel like I'm maturing.

No. I am not saying that I'm fully matured.
I'm still useless and afraid of many things normal adults arent afraid of.

But I can FEEL that I'm maturing.
Which is a great feeling, of course.

Now,
I have a funny feeling in my heart which maybe, just maybe is a signal of me not wanting this year to end.

Because come next year, 2007, which is tomorrow,
things are gonna be different.

I had a half-class gathering dinner just now where I met some of my former high school classmates.
I felt nothing then. No sadness, no excitement, no emo-ness,

but come a few hours after the dinner,
I started to think of how much I took things for granted and that those people whom attended the dinner were the real people I can trust and have fun with.
People who I don't mind showing the REAL side of me and not pretend to be someone I'm not.

I actually missed them. Past tense.
A little bit.
But a bit is still a bit.

And I actually think I AM GOING to miss them. Yes. Future tense.

I found out that I really enjoyed myself making conversations with those people who I never thought was of much importance to me last time.

Of course, there are always the special specific few who I really feel very very upset when I think of how little I'm gonna meet them in the near future but I'm not naming any names. :)

On another note,
good luck Chrisanne who will be leaving in 2-3 days time to Australia for her uni studies.
And yea, I know you're probably guessing already, so yep.

she IS one of the few people who I really am gonna feel upset after thinking of how little I'm gonna see her again, how little I'm gonna hear her tease me, how little I'm gonna see her smile which always meant so much, how little I'm gonna see her intentionally ignoring me, how little I'm gonna hear her complaining how much pressure she got from a certain lecturer, and how little I'm gonna taste the product of her bakings.

I just shed a tear typing that.
Shit.

I hope no one misunderstands.
She may look like she meant alot to me but she's a good fren of mine and nothing more than that.
She may not seem to be backing me 100% all the time but she was there for me at the most crucial moments.
The time when I lost my dog.
Or some other time when I was upset.

I don't know what else to say but once again,
good luck Chrisanne.

And if you come telling me that the leaving-to-Australia is all a joke(like how you bluffed me u were going overseas last year),
I'll actually thank you for that. Because I think I may prefer to suffer embarassment from typing all this than to have one less friend to depend on.


I believe to mature is a stage where people learn how to overcome things they did not dare to overcome and for me,
I believe I matured a little more today.

Because, I didn't dare to post how much friendships may mean to me last time because I was afraid of what people may think of me being such a loser.
But now I believe that those who do not think the same are the real losers no one currently needs in the society.



Happy New Year everyone.


-alexeO-

my SAM results

(10:52 PM) -sirnsirn-: SAM is easy. jz needs super hardwork
(10:52 PM) -sirnsirn-: lazy boi like u, still can depend on luck and best wishes from ppl like me

I was talking to Kim on Messenger when I suddenly ranted to her about how I was feeling for my results which will be released the following day.

She then tried comforting me(i think), and then made a point which was so true.

She's right.
SAM isn't a tough course(i wouldn't say easy), but one would need to get through it with alot of hardwork.

And hardworking is not an adjective which can be used to describe me.

So what can I do now when my results are coming out in a couple of hours time?
Pray, I guess.

A friend of mine 'preached' to me about how he wasn't feeling worried about his SAM results because whatever he achieved is determined by God and how God wants him to travel a certain path or something or for some reason.

It was comforting for a little while, until I got back to my actual senses and realised that I'm not much of a religious person anyway and began doubting everything. (i'm not stating any religious stands here of myself in case u're mistaken)

So now I have to start praying,
and really hope that..
for the sake of
my family,
my close friends,
and
myself..

My exam luck is there again this time around.

Yes. The same exam luck which which was there for my UPSR, PMR and to a certain tiny weeny extent, SPM and of course not forgetting my driving exam. -_-

I told Kim how I hoped that 'luck' of mine isn't all used up.
But I really don't know.
I know I shouldn't really depend on LUCK instead of my own personal ability but I can't help it.
I also know that I shouldn't be saying out loud how I had this exam luck with me for the past few years even if it's true or not.

Results, results.
Happy faces, gloomy gazes.
That's a rhyme for you and me.

I'm excited.
Let's just hope my parents take it lighter than I expect them to.
:)

One important rule, Alex.
CANNOT CRY PLS NO MATTER WAT!


-alexeO-

I'm a lousy friend

When a friend you have not met for several months asks you,
"so.. u still going to the gym or not?"

you will be struggling to put on ur best smile, and forced to keep a straight face.

at that very moment, you will also tend to sit up slightly straighter and breathe in a little bit harder.

not forgetting having ur face jerk out ever so slightly.

then you will slowly reply that friend of yours, whatever the reply may be.

sometimes,
however much people TRY to be polite and nice,
the messages they try to send hurt even more.

It's obviously not a question to spark a conversation because there are roughly 10463464 more interesting conversation sparkers than that very question. So why choose that.

But i'm not bitter.
Nah.

If you think that friend who asks that question just wanted to know for his or her own personal curiosity, then you are wrong.
Because, why will she or he ask if the answer is obvious before his or her eyes.
If she or he sees a slim and fit me, the question wouldnt even arise, right?


In other words, I think I've put on weight.
Sigh.


Speaking about friends,
ah..
yes.

I think I'm a lousy friend. Any not many ppl will disagree I think.

People think I'm lousy because I do not invite them into my house.
I also don't seem to appreciate friends who travel far distances just to see me.
I choose sleep over hanging out with my group of friends.
I seem arrogant to people I have not met for a while, but trust me. I'm not. I'm just too shy.

I do think there are people who appreciate my friendship though.
Because those people know me well enough NOT to JUDGE me before they know me to a certain extent.

Sometimes, after talking with a friend on the phone,
my dad will ask me
"why you sounded so rude to your friend??"

I will then give him a blur and confused look and ask,"got meh?"

Then I think back slowly what I said and how I reacted and realised.. "hm... actually abit rude lo"

But that's just me.
And if you think I'm rude to you when I talk,
then you should be happy.
:)

Because I only talk like that to people I'm extremely close with.
Because I think they know I didn't mean any harm.

It's 3AM and I need to wake up early later.

My conclusion?
I'm a fat lousy friend.
That is something to seriously sigh about.

Sigh.


-alexeO-

hi

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Currently planning a trip to Kuching. Brief details on the trip can be found in my 5science1 class blog. CLICK!
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Yes. I've screwed up and lied to myself once again.
I was supposed to work on a writing project of mine but unfortunately,
till now,
all i have is myself to present.
-_-

Today I went and enquire a few stuff regarding my future course.
At first I went there with Architecture,Arts, Design in my mind.

But I went home thinking about Advertising, Marketing, Communications.

Actually, those are exactly what I wanted.
And I thought Arts and Design courses offered that!

But after much enquiring,
I realised that those advertising stuff are available in mass communication!
And I always thought mass comm only offers PR stuff or whatever.

But advertising is really under it.

Hmmm.
I like to be the brains behind an ad.
Be it a billboard ad or a TV commercial ad,
i want to think of ways to attract customers etc.
That, for me, is interesting.

I've also been told that I wont be doing the programming side of it, which is great, really, because I can just order 'those ppl' to do the job for me. Hehe. HOWEVER I WANT IT! *evil laughter*

So mass comm was always wat I wanted?
Well I'm still much confused.

Taylor's(my college) has a School of Communications which they recently partnered with UniSA and they now offer their degree programs which is totally parallel to THEIR communication program. Which is great for me.

They have 3+0 and 2+1 courses.
Which I don't know is a good or bad thing.

Because I DO WANT to go overseas as soon as possible.
But at the same time, I think I just may not be independent enough.

So my contrasting sides are totally shadowing my ambitions.

I'm also sure there are other Advertising courses in other Unis next year. Not necessarily I have to go UniSA!

So now I'm confused again. For different reasons.
Do I want to go overseas or do I not want to just yet?

And if I do, do I want to go UniSA or other universities which offer similiar courses.

If I don't, do I really want to do the Taylor course and be under Taylor management again for 2 years? And happily send my frens off in the aiport, one-by-one? And be less independent by the day?

The weightage is so equally balanced it's killing me. I can't decide.

And it's not that I'm really cleared that I'll for sure do the Bachelor of Communcations bla bla bla wat shit Media etc.

Because I may still be interested in the Melbourne U Creative Arts course.

So which is which and what is what.

I really don't know.

And if i do achieve the minimum score, will i apply for Creative Arts in Melb U? Or still stick to my Communications Advertising course? Does that mean I will go overseas then if I do achieve the minimum score required? But what if i don't go overseas but I achieved the minimum score required? Should I go overseas or should I not? Should I do creative arts or mass comm if my marks are good enuff for both?

I don't know.

I really don't know.

Sigh.


-alexeO-