Some people are just more talented than me

I once thought i was better than everyone else in this and that but I was proven to be wrong by the emergence of a few other ppl in my life.

Hey,
If i'm not gonna excel and be the very best in anything i do, so why bother rite?

Which brings me to my university courses dilemma.

Obviously i'm not gonna be doing anything related to science cause I already gave up and admitted I ain't one of the top fews who can do science. (I actually thought I was before entering form 4).

What about Arts, you ask?

You see.
Comparitively,
I ain't good in drawing, painting or illustrating on a piece of paper.

I already know that since young. There's just this person sitting in the corner of the colourful class, having everyone at awe over his/her artwork. In that very same colourful classroom, in the other corner, you will see a boy smirking and trying his very best to ignore the very presence of the very talented artist at the other corner of the class. And that boy would be me.

I have ideas, yes. But I realised very recently that eventhough my ideas can be of an interesting bunch, there's just this other few people which can strike the equivalent or even more interesting ideas compared to mine.

Which sucks, obviously.

Because if I ain't good in Science.
And not among the best few in the Creative side,

WHAT AM I THEN?!

A person brought to this world which will bring totally no significance watsoever?
Before I entered my Pre-University programme,
eventhough I once said I was totally clueless over my future at that very time, my mind was actually set to ONE thing.
I will not sit behind a desk in an office doing some business-related thing for some people.

I WANT TO WORK AS SOMETHING I HAVE TO STUDY FOR?!
Not business where you don't actually need to graduate in to work for it.

So anyway,
back to the topic.

There's also this other bunch(alot of them actually),
where they are better than me in their Science field,
and are also MORE CREATIVE than me!!!!
Argh.
The unfairness.

My heart turns sour each time I hear them discussing about their future course.
They are 'confused', they claimed and 'dont-know-what's-best-for-them'.

Their case seemed similiar to mine but the only ONE difference is,
THEY DONT KNOW WAT TO DO BECAUSE THEY CAN BASICALLY DO ANYTHING AND I HAVE TOO LIMITED CHOICES!

Gahhh.

So don't anyone dare try comforting me by saying,"hey alex i know you didn't do very well for the sciences, but cmon.. you are so creative and good with ur designs and essays!"

BECAUSE I KNOW,
it-is-not-true.

not anymore anyway.

So basically,
I'm gonna enter a course which I will once again be from the middle to the last of the class.
Because there WILL be people who are gonna be better than me.

Which totally loses the point of a course selection for me.
Because I only want a course where people COME to me to seek help and I can be one of the top few in class.

A little bit greedy?
Don't think so.

It's just a type of frustation caused by not excelling in anything I had done throughout my 18 years of life.

Don't think anyone else will understand.
My life can be of a sad one if told from a different perspective.
But i'm not complaining.
Not just yet.


-alexeO-