Fuking. I'm pissed.

I'm fuking pissed. My parents called back about 20 mins ago. First thing asked,"Are you home already?" . Me, assuming they were just curious about my exam results that i got today, happily replied,"yeah".

The next statement from my parent shook me.

"No computer, remember."

What the fuk? What the hell was that all about? My whole 'great respect' for my parents crumbled just like that. I always thought they were the only ones understanding us, my siblings and i. I always defended them as though they were the most precious things in the world when my siblings got angry with them.Oh how much I regretted. After all, i never understood why my siblings got so angry with them sometimes. I didn't know why until just recently.

Going back to the phone call, I hastily replied ," Huh? Why?"
Let me just briefly stress out that NO good reasons at all was said back to me. All was just things like 'because u have to study'. The conversation went something like, :-

Parent: No computer, remember.

Me: (wtf) Huh? why?

Parent: Huh what why? Don't argue. No computer. Today is a weekday.

Me: So? No reason why not to use also.

Parent: I said don't argue. No computer. You have to study for exams.

Me: *bewildered* HUH? but exam just finished last week!

Parent: Exam *pause* SPM. Study for SPM.. so no computer.

Me: What the..even if i don't use the computer also i won't study.

Parent: Good! I prefer that. Go and sleep the whole day as long as u don't use the computer.

Thinking that the conversation is too one-sided and doesn't make sense anymore, i tried to talk some sense into them.

Me: Exams just finished last week! Let me rest la!

Parent: Rest using the computer? No. I said don't argue. These days u argue alot. Don't argue with me.

Me: I"M NOT ARGUING! argh. I am just making a very honest discussion here.

Parent: Don't argue. No computer.

*parent hangs up*




Ok. End of conversation. Obviously, they just beat around the bush without stating any reasons at all. I am fuking pissed. Why can't they just let me do it on my own? Why can't they just let me be? When i was taking my PMR, were they like this? No way. Far from it. What did my dad thought i would get? 4As maximum. I got 7. When my older siblings took their SPM. Were they treated like how i am now? No. Far from it. They just let them be. And they were happy. Think this is the best way to make me study? No way. Far from it. I'm someone who can't just concentrate on something 24/7. When u take away my so-called distraction, everything is gone just like that. My concentration goes missing, my attention will not be there.

Why can't they understand that everyone studies differently? Why can't they get it no one studies as much as they want them to? Why can't they get it is my fuking future and if there's someone to ruin it, it's me. Why can't they know that i'm mature enough to understand the importance of SPM and my education? Why can't they at least ONCE respect that i exist and let me choose my path of life for once? Why can't they let me be independent enough to make my decisions in life? Why can't they understand that i do not wish to be treated as such? Why am i treated so differently from everyone else? Why do they so easily get influenced from other parents? Why has my parents change? Why has my life change? Why?
Fuck, i'm pissed.


To change the subject, i got a few of my results today. I had 74% for History which is good if you compare it to the class average. Highest was 88%, lowest failed badly.
I needed ONE mark to get an A for History. Gonna see what i can do about it tomorrow with my history teacher. I had 60% for Moral Studies. I thought i had done badly but i was shocked at that results. It was soooo much better than expected. Highest was 80% and once again if you take the class average, i did well. And yea, to top things off, for these 2 subjects i beat some of those so-called 'smarty pants'. So really proud of myself...heh. And yea, the spoiler of the day was my English paper. I had 73%!!! OMG. English teacher said she was disappointed and bla bla bla at the class but yea i am disappointed with MY results. I didn't get an A for god's sake. *faints*
Highest was 80%, then 79% then 76,75,74... So i'm like about... having the 6th highest mark which wasn't so bad, eventhough i expected to get higher.

Ah. Blogging is great. Feeling better now. Forgive me for the tantrum though, and the vulgarity. I'm not like that everytime and i'm sure everyone knows that. :/

Okey. Hope something great will happen soon to balance everything out.




Ciaoz.
-alexeO-