Blind Sponge

It's late, I'm sleepy, my head's throbbing, and so I guess it's time to blog.

I was downsizing the amount of texts in my phone just now from 2k to a mere one single text and reading them one by one briefly before deleting them made me feel like I was reliving the moments all over again.

From arrangements of Christmas eve plans to chinese new year greetings, to the planning of the final clubbing session in KL to the various goodbye messages from my friends,........... nuff' said. :/



If you ask me if I miss home, I would say I do. But is it affecting me so much that it is slowly killing me and eating me up from inside, no. So I'm good.. so far.



I am slowly starting to despise university and its implications on/upon me to be frank. It isn't a good feeling to feel but I can't help it. What is this strange obligation requiring me to wake up at times I do not want to wake up and research on issues I am not even remotely interested in? What is this unknown overpowering pressure weighing down on me each week which gets heavier and heavier as assignment periods beckon.



I always tell my friends facing similar situations like these to think of the finishing line. But my mind is so fogged up it is impossible to even imagine what the finishing line would look like. And what if I do NOT want to reach the finishing line? What if the finishing line isn't as glamorous and glorifying as I put it out to be? What if there are other better 'finishing lines' out there and I am running on a wrong path?

Screw that.



One of my lecturers look like a rock star. With metal hoop earrings and all. Philosophy lecturer on the ethics of global conflict. Awesome stuff. I guess it is only apt.

The tutor coincidentally can pass off as a typical ang moh aunty selling fish in the market. Believe me I was dubious at first but wow the stuff coming out from her and the way in which she conducts a tutorial. Respect.



I am also the only Asian in one of my classes. In fact, in the other classes I would probably be part of the <5% foreign students population in a lecture/tute. Not that it's surprising.. I kinda expected it already. Arts. Not because it's a party course wtf piss off but because it has all the outspoken people and most ang mohs are outspoken and articulate! Ok end of justification I am sick of it.



I am also starting to realise that I probably am having a better first semester studying in a foreign country than most people would probably have thanks to the friends I have already settled here. For hanging out with me, for bringing their friends to hang out with me, for 'taking care' of me, for supporting me in any way at all. Tankiu.



Praveen wants me to thank him for his cooking so here it is. Oh, and Andy too. So here it is again. Bryan wants a mention in this blog so here it is. Ok if I miss anyone out tell me.


This is neither Bryan nor Andy.

I am far from fake but I do wish sometimes I could lessen the amount of masks I put on each day.



I'll save the emo stuff (and other pictures) for next time.

Goodnight everybody.



-alexeO-

I Am Alex In Melbourne

Hi. This is me blogging for the sake of it.

Melbourne's so far so good, really, nothing more I can say.



The weather is a little strange undoubtedly but it's not something I have not expected before I came here.



The people are mostly nice, locals and other foreigners alike, it's all so far so good.



My apartment's not the best ever, not the largest, not the brightest, not the most welcoming even, but it is definitely pretty cozy and homey. My friends over here who have visited says it looks quite comfortable - I cannot agree more.



University does not seem easy at all, but I'm prepared for it. Lots to read, lots to do, lots to overcome, but I will do my hardest and try my best in every aspect of it. As much as my capabilities allow me to.



Commuting to university by train thus far does not seem very taxing at all. I am really getting used to walking to the train station which isn't very far away at all 30-40 minutes before my class, and travel for another 15-30 minutes to Caulfield where my campus is.

I like the travel somewhat. The in-between transitions. Allow me to reflect on many many things. And do some people-watching too. It's a good personal time I am cherishing every second.



I feel somewhat pressured to study harder this year. It could be the fact that it is my final year or the fact that I am in another country but whatever it is there is that obligation. Which I do not mind at all to be honest. If it takes something like that to kick me moving, then so be it.

But most importantly, I am having fun. It might pale in comparison to many of my peers who are here but I guess what's important is that I am enjoying my time here. I would guess and hope that the intensity of the 'fun' increases as I become more and more adapted to my life here and maybe by then I would have more exciting and positive things to say about this chapter of my life.



Of course, being me, there are plenty of things to be insecure about, to worry about, to think about.

But I am slowly realising that in time those things should and would become lesser each day and things like that could only benefit me in terms of my overall self-improvement. I'd look at it upon a whole new light.



There are many things which I would sit back and ponder how I would never get the chance to do or experience had I not come overseas this year. It is a very pleasurable, satisfying and mostly fulfilling feeling, knowing how much I am exposed to at this very relatively short period of time. It is honestly, very welcoming especially at this point of my life.



Truthfully, I believed and still believe many people overestimate those 'many things' that I am said to be blinded to or fogged off until now. Truth to be told, the extent of that is overly exaggerated and as impossible as it is to prove them now, I can only just say that I was more prepared than many thought I actually was.

I knew many of the 'new' things I had to face here earlier, and influenced by others or not, I have to say that I do surprise myself with the amount I know sometimes. Regardless, I cannot dispute still the amount of things I have learnt, done, or experience which were only made possible by my period of study here.



It has been a little over a month, maybe a week more, but I honestly feel like I have been here for many months long. I remember how the first relatively miserable week here made me feel like I was in Australia for ages already. I really could not believe that it had only been one week then. And now, a month plus, and as hard as it is to measure, I believe that I have matured a whole lot mentally and emotionally.



Living here can be especially strenuous if you are not careful. What keeps me going at the moment is the thought of home. The thought of graduating with reasonably good grades, and returning to my 'home' - family and friends - helps me to take it all in and move another step forward in the face of adversity.

And thus consequently, it is also that very idea that is pulling me away from the emotional sacrifice I ought to make if I want to continue staying here either for work or for my further studies. In other words, due to my constant longing and thought of home as a source of my motivation, I cannot see how I can stay any longer than my currently fixed period if ultimately what I am reaching for is the return to my home country and to my family and friends.

I guess that answer would suffice many people's queries if I would ever want to continue staying here after this year of my studies.



However, I will not rule out any change of heart throughout the year when I would naturally become more adapted to this chapter of my life.

I am afterall only but a moving wet sponge, constantly absorbing, and changing forms accordingly.

So I guess for now it is 1 month down, another 9 to go.



Bring it on.

So much for blogging for the sake of it.



-alexeO-

My Mind Runs Havoc

It is too easy to start blaming things around you for your anxiety or unhappiness.

And that is why, rather than I start to have a go at my surroundings for my apparent self-construed 'problems', I will constantly tell myself to take the higher road, and learn to adapt to the alien world, over sitting down and whining over how the alien world is well, alien, and silently praying everyday to myself for it to lose its 'alien-ness' and become more like home.

Too easy and too lazy, I say.

Problems are constructions made up and constantly enforced by oneself upon themselves. Nothing is meant to be or already, there.

I just felt the exterior of my shell cracking a little.



-alexeO-

Accuracy 90%

Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.


*

Not too sure about the a lot of dates part, and to a certain extent, the education part.

You be the judge for the other parts.


If you're interested, click.



-alexeO-

"Hi, Nice to Meet You."

So I was like all geared up right, thinking about all these fascinating stories I would share with the world in my blog right here when I was on the train back to my apartment but as usual the all too familiar procrastination kicked in and now it's way too late to start my storytelling so I guess I have nothing to say now cause I'm becoming too sleepy and I have an early class tomorrow.

Goodnight.



-alexeO-