Why the hate?

Beneath all those layers of pretentiousness, we are only human.





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Ponder

If you know me any more, will you love me any less?




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Four Months

I have been working for 4 months.

I think I'm doing well.

I'm warming up to the environment, the people, and the lifestyle in general.

I am still desperate to learn everything I should know at my level, and then more.

I am hungry for success, and ascending up the corporate ladder.

I feel I'm just beginning to stray a little, but I'm going to nip it in the bud while I still can.

I suddenly have this thought that I am living the first chapter of my unwritten autobiography.

I want to lay the foundation here and now. I want to be excellent.

This is not a sports brand ad.


AY

Hurts

My mind is so conflicted and full of thoughts right now it's giving my heart an annoying aching feeling I have not felt in quite a while.

Times like these, any minor blip or paranoia becomes amplified I feel like I'm stuck in a never-ending whirlpool of trouble.

The shelter I have constructed for myself has gone missing.

I am in a dark and wet place. Cold, and alone.

Please be a better day tomorrow.

I have a satisfying life and am generally happy

but not a day goes by without an uncomfortable scene in which I screwed up flashing through my mind. Sometimes I replay painful conversations I've had with two friends who are now estranged. Why am I plagued by regrets?

You're "generally happy," yet you spend your life dwelling on the past--that doesn't really sync up, does it? Most of us cringe when we're ambushed by memories of that regrettable weekend in Cleveland or the bout of crying in the bathroom at the office party, but … every day? Regrets, we've had a few, but we suspect that when you reflect on the movie of your life, you're fast-forwarding through all the slapstick scenes and romantic banter to pause only on the distressing moments, which blows them completely out of proportion.

You can change the way you think about your past, says Wellesley professor Theran. Paradoxically, one way to do it is to stay with your feelings of discomfort as they arise. "Expose yourself mentally to the feelings of shame or embarrassment long enough to allow them to increase and then decrease normally," she says. "Of course you're inclined to avoid your shameful memories, but that's the way they maintain their power. Try to tell yourself that you don't have to be perfect and that we all do silly or embarrassing things."

And here's another reason to give yourself a break: Chances are good that what haunts you has already been forgotten on the other end. "We all tend to have a stronger memory for these kinds of things than other people do," says Theran.

RD

yawn

I'm typing this here only because I fear the backlash of what I'm about to say.

YAWN MAC FANBOYS WANKING OVER THE NEW APPLE PRODUCT AND A PORTRAIT OF STEVE JOBS TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT I KNOW IT'S OMG SO AWESOME WHATEVER BUT YOU DON'T NEED TO FLOOD THE INTERNET WITH YOUR DAILY WANKFEST THANKS. MAYBE IN YEARS TO COME YOU WILL REFLECT BACK AT TODAY AND REALISE HOW PATHETIC YOU LOOKED.

Now go play with I-something.


Srsly Annoyed,
AYCY

Heh

I have been telling myself to blog everyday for fear of losing an interesting anecdote or feeling forever to the relentless passage of time.

But unfortunately, blogging requires time, something which I currently do not have because I have been spending all my leisure time on other stuff which actually keeps me leisured as what I would want my leisure time to be spent on.

I dunno what I'm saying. But all i know is that it's time to sleep.

I have things to say, but the question is, do I want to say it and consequently make it more real than it currently is? Maybe if things are not so much in black-and-white, I can pretend easier that it is not true.

And I am enjoying my job. Seriously.



AYCY

All in A Day's Work

I survived my first week of work without any major positives or negatives. I like that. At the beginning, I wanted to post a detailed description of what I encountered and felt but I don't feel like doing that anymore. I really like the job scope of my current job, and although I'm obviously not doing much of what I would be doing a lot next time currently, I still like the idea of it. I feel that if you like what you're doing, you will have that extra boost of encouragement to excel in the tasks and hence do well. For now though, I will do whatever assignments I am given and carry them out perfectly and just, to the best of my abilities. I believe if I just do that, no one can complain and I make myself happy so it's a win-win situation. I enjoy the working environment. I have many colleagues, mostly female, and young. The office is always busy, and casual at the same time. I also like the fact that I am working with big companies whom are our clients, and I've always been interested in advertisements in general. A receptionist greets me every morning on the way to my desk, and I would take a peek inside the CEO's office before reaching my seat. I am still adjusting to this life, in terms of my body clock and the work-life balance. I still have so much to learn and know and I still do not think I am productive or assisting enough as I could be doing. I am not desperate or worried though, as I am still very much fresh meat and I know with a little bit of patience from myself and my work-mates, that day would come sooner than later and I personally cannot wait for it. I cannot be bothered by what people think, but just set my mind to my goals and objectives and work hard to reaching them. At the same time, I will be approachable and curious but will not be too excessively and unnecessarily inquisitive for fear of being an annoyance. My immediate aim is to be accepted into this community and my medium-term objective is to be able to properly balance my work and personal life. My long term goal is to be excellent at my job. Despite the pay, my salary would not be a discouraging factor to me as money is not my highest priority, for now at least and that's something I'm thankful that I'm privileged for. Ultimately, I hope I can continue to find the motivation to my working life and I hope this post would serve as a reminder whenever I question myself. I know inside I have what it takes so I really do not want anything unnecessary to stop me. I will take things step-by-step as after all, you can only beat what's in front of you.

And fundamentally, I will do all that without losing myself in the process.




AYCY

Row, Row, Row Your Boat

I met a friend for lunch at my university today and I was left pleasantly surprised at the fact that the campus looked and felt better than the memory and image I held onto from the moment I left the campus, spent an entire year in another campus abroad, and till yesterday.

I arrived mid-afternoon and somewhat understood the complaints I've heard on the huge surplus of students ever since I left and the consequent lack of parking spaces. While most classes are held in the morning, despite my arrival time, I still had to navigate my vehicle several rounds around the congested carpark with smaller paths caused by illegal side-parkers. Eventually I parked my car in the outdoor student's parking under the scorching heat, walked under the scorching heat past the familiar and still dodgy-as-ever-looking bridge over a dirty huge river-drain and began my attempts to stride past the security guards with the confidence of a Monash University, Sunway Campus student. I was successful.

I took a look at the banners hung vertically from the metal posts which greeted every student walking to campus from the carpark and noticed they were slightly different in design but still carried the same, promotional, messages of the university. Cliched images of the various schools the university is comprised of. I suddenly politely moved out of the way of an oncoming group of friends, and recalled how I almost always used to do just exactly that just 2 or 3 years back while carrying my Billabong slingbag on the way to class which I'm 8 out of 10 times, late for.

I made my way to the first washroom I was walking past, just like how I habitually did those 2-3 years back before making my way to class, late or not. It carried the same stench, though unlike most public toilets in this country - not a horrible one, which probably explains the number of times I paid a visit to the room during those times.

As I continued my journey to the planned rendezvous, the strange and somewhat overwhelming Monash Sunway odour, which I cannot describe no matter how I try - just note that it is far from being a bad smell, along with the increasing volume of students' chatters and random RnB music playing from some speaker somewhere, welcomed me into the student's foyer right before the cafeteria.

And it is around this time during those years back when I make my way to the elevators to my classes.

I met my friend, and despite the change of staff and not-so-positive reviews, decided to have the same noodles from the Indonesian food stall with the same fried chicken fillets I used to eat so regularly last time. I even went to the extent of ordering the same drink, Neslo Ice, to accompany my lunch. That being said, the noodles did suck but at least the drink made for it by being served in the same transparent plastic cup and tasting not too different - as far as I can remember anyway. And yes, I also sat at a table which I actually remembered sitting at before as it was the one and only time a photo was taken of or by me, I don't actually remember, in the campus cafeteria.

After lunch, I made my way to the library and told or bragged to my friend before entering that I, "used to carry huge stacks of books in and out of the library last time!" The entrance looked the same at first glance I don't quite remember but the 2nd and 3rd floors were renovated quite a bit. They spoil the students with long and colourful couches and beanbags now. And they also have another exit on the 3rd floor. Somehow, I found that to be very interesting.

I also felt that this little excursion could not be completed without a visit to the Arts floor where I also spent quite some time when I was a student in the university. And I liked what I saw. Despite a little shifting of lecturers' offices, it still felt the same. I took my time reading the flyers, pamphlets, news pieces, and students' works on the notice boards. The pigeonholes where I inserted my (most of the time, late) assignments were exactly as how I last saw it. I even got the chance to see the Arts secretary collect them at 5pm sharp. Oh, those days were exciting.

I understand if you must wonder, why the nostalgia over something which I spent relatively not so many years of my life at? Or why the nostalgia over something which was still again relatively fresh to me as 2-3 years does or might not seem like a long time.

My answer to that would be I don't really know the answer to that. Maybe university was such a pivotal time to me in various aspects especially from a personal viewpoint. I must feel that I've gained the most out of my time in university. Or that I've changed the most during my years over there. I believe both are equally true. Either my course has really matured my mindset, or it is something which is outside my course, or both, one thing I know for sure is that I really enjoyed my years as an university student and have the most appreciation to it for the ways I am approaching my life today.

Perhaps it also has to do with the fact that I'm ending a chapter and will be moving on to the next in no time. No time is Monday, to be exact, where I start the new chapter of my life - no cliche, cheesiness, or corniness intended. Today represented the closure I could do with and it is one period of my life which even I surprise myself at how much significance I'm appropriating it with. It has probably got to do with many more life-changing experiences which I cannot think of or maybe just do not feel like sharing. Nevertheless, I came out of it an incredibly better person than who I was before and for that I will be eternally grateful.

Coincidentally and funnily enough, I have a little gathering with what is currently remaining of my high school friends this weekend. I say to that that there is no better time to put another fullstop to another momentous part of my life before I began the episode which I know will be probably the most significant yet.

And as much as I might not show it, and while this might seem out of place in this post, I am someone who is very appreciative of my friends and I am very grateful that I have a stable support system to fall back on when things start to go a little shaky. For that, I feel that the proper pieces are put into place for me to move on to the next phases I would face.

I'm Alex Yeo, 21 going on 22, loves when things go to plan accordingly, although I don't mind some spontaneity from time to time. And oh, did I mention I am pretty emotional and somewhat philosophical too? I also hate cockroaches with a passion.




AYCY

Lost

Acceptance and trust. Unchecked.

And so I made the wrong choice.



AY

Whatever

Filler post to push the last post down. *rolls eyes*

Aside from the obvious, I've been good, if you're curious.

Actually not really, caught some weird illness few days back and haven't fully recovered since.

Symptoms include: nausea, lack of appetite, and an upset stomach.

I actually feel sick thinking about fried chicken. Can you imagine that? That must show the severity of my condition somehow or rather. Stupid KFC I had. I knew it tasted funny when i took one bite. I should have known.

And to Mr. and Mrs. Gloryhunters out there, stfu please and win on your own merit. I can't wait to see the day you end up empty-handed. Let's see how you cope then eh. You think your team is obliged to win something every year. You think it is part of the 'contract' as a supporter that you'll get to celebrate that whatever trophy you get at the end of the season. Well reality check, no.

That's why not many people I feel understand the true attachment someone can have to football, to their favourite team. You stick with your team for all those years, through that many ups and downs, tears and jubilation, stormy weather and clear skies, trophies and no trophies, and that's why every victory in the present is that much significant to you.

And that is where and when you get the right to taunt an opposing team and its supporters, because you had experienced so much stick yourself for that significant period of time. That's why the day you lift a trophy you automatically get the right to shove it into a rival's face and leave permanent scars and bruises from the impact of the shove.

Not you, mr. (and mrs.) gloryhunter who have never weathered the storm, let alone know what finishing a season disappointingly feels like.

Now, from a personal perspective, it's high time we do not end the season 'disappointingly'. My fellow Gooners have been struck by lightning, sunk to the depths of the ocean, blown away by hurricanes, multiple times, and have our what we thought was our safe shelter at last 'robbed' away from us for countless of times. One more realistic trophy to achieve, let's do it now or never.

Rant ends here.



-alexeO-

Nice view

Top of the league.


I don't care if it's gonna change even if probably in just a few days time. I'm gonna enjoy it while it lasts. Hopefully the position stays the same come May!


-alexeO-

The silence of the hour

I stay up because I appreciate the sound of silence. The one time when the world is asleep and you aren't. Peaceful and serene. The silence of this hour.

The time when you can be with yourself, and only yourself. Your alone time so to speak.

For the first time in a long time, I actually felt what being contented felt like. Just a few seconds of that feeling when I felt so fulfilled, so satisfied, so strong, so powerful.

It starts from the inside.



-alexeO-

Cita-cita saya

"When I grow up, I want to be a __________"


Well that day is finally here Alex. So what do you want to fucking be?



-alexeO-

It's Happening

Where do I go?

Where do I fcking go?



-alexeO-