The Annoying Funny Feeling

Sometimes, I just wish time would freeze as it is.

I would gladly continue being the underachieving kid I am, the kid with the unhealthy lifestyle, and all other things negative about me now as long as I get the people around me to stay and never leave me in any ways whatsoever.

I hate the fact that people have to grow old and venture into their own ways one fine day.

I hate the fact that it is unpropable that I wake up everyday feeling at ease, comforted to know that the people around you are still around you.

I hate the fact that we don't have the luxury of hanging out with the same company every single day until the day we die.

I hate the fact that we don't appreciate the people around us until they leave us.

I remember somewhat clearly one night a few years back when I was just lying on my bed before dozing off thinking about how lonely I was. It was during the time when I went to school everyday feeling like I had no one to confide to, no one who genuinely cares about me. It wasn't like I had no friends, depending on how you choose to define that term, but I felt everything was just so.. insincere.

I remember tears rolling down my cheeks after the thought struck me about how the siblings I grew up with and spent my whole childhood with were no longer a room or two away. And nothing is ever going to be the same again.

And now the feeling has crept back.

I don't know how people might take or interpret this; but I'm gonna say it anyway.

I hate the fact that I have very limited or no one around me who takes genuine concern about how or what I'm doing, no one who would reach out their hands when I am down, no one who would express gratitude for the things I do for them, no one who would show sincere concern over my feelings, over my problems, over my life.

I don't know why, but at times, I just blame whoever's responsible up there and think that this is not something I am blessed with unlike the many other people in this world.

I hate the fact that the very few people I can place my trust on are leaving or have already gone and ventured to their very own paths in life.

And that nothing is ever, going to be the same again.

We will all grow old, start working, meet new 'friends', and have other people in our lives to care about.

Sometimes, I just wish time would freeze as it is. I really do.

I am not writing this so that people can come to me and say they care or they are sincere and they love me. I also know how stupid I sound thinking like the pathetic kid whom nobody in this world loves. It is just among the many things that I feel I have to let out before I explode inside. Of course, you might not agree and accuse me of sympathy-seeking, it's your prerogative. I also understand the implication this post might have on the people who are actually affected by it. It might change things, and that is supposed to be a good thing for me. But to be completely honest, it really isn't. If anything, any change now as a resultant effect of this post would only equal to more insincerities.

It is ironic that when I actually see posts like this on other blogs, I immediately raise my eyebrow and laugh at their pathetic-ness.

I guess I can take comfort in distributing this token of redemption - now people can laugh at me, if they haven't already.

I don't know why I feel the need to be loved and cared about so badly.

I don't know why I feel so freaking deprived of everything.

I don't know where other people are getting their support pillars from.

I don't know why I feel so fking miserable, almost all the fking time.



-alexeO-

Those Little Irreversible Things

At times, no matter how much, how tempting, or how painful it might be, the wisest option is to suck it all in, and hold back. Regardless of how good you might feel at that very moment, and for that short span of time after.

Only because there are certain actions in life which are irreversible. And no matter how hard you try, or how long you wait after that, it will not and never be the same anymore. Never ever in our limited lifetimes.

It is simply not worth it.

Never let your emotions take control no matter what, that's my little piece of advice coming from experience.

Sounds obvious enough but it really isn't.

Somewhat ironically those little irreversible things are the very essences of what forms or constitutes a particular relationship between two human beings. Good or bad, negative or positive, thoroughly dependent on 'those little irreversible things'.

More the reason to keep 'those little irreversible things' under control..

And not let your emotions decide who you like or dislike, and vice versa.

If only our life isn't so dependent upon relationships with other people.

Hear it from me, I learnt it the hard way.




-alexeO-

Piercing Stares

If I stop judging, will I stop being judged?

As a sidenote, stop branding, labeling and essentializing me you ignorant fools.

After a thoughtful consideration, I think I would do with one person liking me versus wanting the whole world to.

Then again, I'm not so sure. But I shall shape my life according to that belief now.

Why are some people in the world so goddamn gifted and talented? What's worst is when you actually thought you had a particular ability or talent only to have it rudely taken away from you when you realized that your virtually non-existent abilities are remarkably inferior to those other people you meet later in life.

So where does that put me?

Not in a very good place - that's for sure.




-alexeO-

Ah

so true!


source: link




-alexeO-

Self-development

Learning to say no. And to reject others.

Progressing surprisingly well so far.

*pats self on back



-alexeO-

The Past Relived

Today I did the unthinkable and cut my hair.

"Wtf?" You might be thinking.

"Wtf," I say.

It's the shortest ever since I left school.

The verdict? Still need some getting used to I reckon. Even for myself.

Just do me a favor and don't comment or say anything about my hair until... 4 weeks later. By that time if you have not already gotten used to it, my hair would probably grow back to its normal ordinary comforting self again anyway.

So before you laugh, snigger, or scoff when you see me the next time, have a careful consideration and think of my self-esteem thanks.

Else, don't blame me when I start bursting into tears and bawl right in front of you. Even in public. Nola, I won't do that. But I might just sulk in a corner or worst yet, immediately walk or run away from whatever place I would be at and seek refuge in some solitary confinement wherever that might be.

I'm sure you don't want to see that happening.

Then again, maybe you would. Whatever it is, just.. don't.. say.. anything.

I am overly self-conscious, I know. I also know I am very weak mentally, so enough of that already.

Truth is, I don't think anyone would care about my hair as much as I think they would. So that's being self-absorbed on my part. And secondly, I don't even hate my new hair. So who am I kidding.

There you go, a waste of your time reading a redundant, pointless post.

Welcome to alexycy.blogspot.com.




-alexeO-

Amazing

Almost one full week after my return from my trip, I still have not slept satisfactorily. By that, I mean no more than.. 8 hours.

Shit man. While everyone is all geared up and freshened for the new semester, I had a miserable first week feeling like crap.

And I also have been substituting my previously mentioned 2-weeks absence with late night outings every night from the day my semester started.

As a result, I have thumping headaches every now and then.

Why liddat.

dot dot dot.

so lazy to post photos or type any longer. dunno y. maybe after i get my required rest i'll bore everyone with those things again.

why so serious. let's put a smile on that face. the dark knight was pretty cool. was i the only one who felt some parts were draggish. okla it was good but why everyone rate and review it until so 'kua cheong'. weird, i must have missed something in the film. :/

dot dot.

post ends.

dot.



-alexeO-

Immuned

I think I have become immuned to my alarm clock(s).

Is that possible?

On another note, I am overly self-conscious. Boring.



-alexeO-

Way to go

Missed my first lecture of the new semester.

So much for my resolutions right?

Wrong.

Cause it wasn't my fault. Not entirely anyway. It was the police's.

Stupidly set up road blocks for nothing. Spawned massive congestion everywhere. Causing their very own citizens to suffer and get late for work and school and university. Equals people doing less work. Equals low productivity. Equals children not learning anything. Equals children failing their exams. Equals low country progress. Equals rubbish authorities.

This will never happen anywhere else.

Truly and uniquely Malaysian I say.

A one of a kind nation-state.




-alexeO-

HAIH

Arrived in Malaysia 12 hours ago.

Haven't even unpack my stuff but have to start thinking about attending class tomorrow.

What to wear, what to do, what to say, where to sit, how to react, how to talk, how to present myself.

ONE MORE WEEK OF LAZING AT HOME WILL BE THE PERFECT RECOVERY TIME.

I'm tanned, sick, hair's messy, mentally tired and just not prepared.

It's back to uni again. Sien oh!




-alexeO-

Sem 1, Year 2

My results suck.

Mostly due to a certain lecturer and more particularly my lateness in assignment submissions.

So it's mostly my fault.

Guess I can only look forward to next sem now. I mean it. No, really. I shall be back with a vengeance. You just watch.

*fades into the shadows

._.



-alexeO-

Pathetic Lies

I got damn ill today.

Woke up after a few hours of sleep feeling like I was about to puke. Had diarrhoea. And eventually my body gave in and I puked too. Which says a lot because I am not normally a puker. Not in the last 10-15 years anyway. :/ I really tried holding it in but I couldn't. I didn't want to puke because I thought the feeling will suck but it turned out a little better than I thought it would be. Oh well.

Feeling better now but still not completely healed I think. Worst timing ever I say. I looked ragged during my brother's convocation thanks to that. And looked like crap in the family portrait. Looked every inch the sick man I was. During the whole ceremony, I felt like I was about to collapse and my head was thumping like crazy. All I wanted at that time was to lie on my bed and fall deep asleep. But thankfully it resided a little and I feel better now. Fingers crossed I would go back feeling like a million dollars tomorrow. But then again, I never felt like a million dollars before.

On another note, when will the lies stop I wonder to myself sometimes. It's strangely offensive too seeing that people actually think I'm that stupid and ignorant. And am I ready to face the undeniable, I dunno. But I guess until the day it really affects me, and the day that I do not care that much anymore, I would try my best to have things remain the way they are, even though they might hurt me in the worst ways possible.

Maybe it's not that irrelevant to my earlier point afterall. Maybe the illness came as a resulting effect from the things I bottle up inside.

I should sleep now. Hopefully I would feel much better tomorrow.

Both physically and psychologically.



-alexeO-

Missed Point

Oh btw, may I add that..

Summer in England is ridiculous. They would never need air-conditioning ever over here because I think the temperature never goes above 20 degrees Celsius. I don't know the exact numbers but all I know is that it certainly goes against the stereotype of summer being the season where everyone dresses skimpily and swat flies and wear shades and complain about the heat. Wtf really.

Maybe this assumption is only apt for certain parts of England but still.

And it's true. It's always dark and gloomy here. And wet too.

At times like these you wish for the sun. During the sunny times however, you wish for weathers like these.

So hard to please.



-alexeO-

Reporting In

Elo.

I just got back to my brother's crib so all's good atm.

Kena penetrated by the sun during my Greece holiday like giler babi so now skin damn lousily tanned and abit sunburnt all over.

I can and am going to generalise that Greece is the land of the casual Mediterranean-looking angmoh whose people are as law abiding as Malaysia's surprisingly enough because I always thought the people from angmoh lands are usually very law abiding and punctual and all but Greece is actually pretty different.

Casual because the people are very selekeh there and the guys mostly have unkept facial hair and also both the guys and the girls dress as though they are about to go for a swim anytime.

And not to mention freaking hot too. But the islands are beautiful nonetheless. Photos up soon.

And I also want to generalise that UK is the epitome of angmoh-ness. You can never get more angmoh than UK. Even the Americans are not as angmoh because their forefathers were mostly Brits anyway, I think.. so they aren't that..pure. So anyway, the accent here is damn 'kau' and basically they are just very.. angmoh la. Dunno how to explain yawnz zzz. Maybe cause they speak the original English here and they eat English breakfast for breakfast zzz or they are whiter than normal zzz.

Oh and before I forget.. the people in Greece aren't exactly very friendly. I didn't feel welcomed at all from the time I reached the country. Before you say anything, it's not just me la shaddup. They aren't known for being that hospitable anyway. And add to the fact that... I'm yellow. Ok maybe I shudn't judge like that but hey, that's the way the world goes.

The people in the UK are much more friendlier even though you certainly cannot apply that to every single person here. I kena sounded by a lady when I wanted to buy mineral water in a shop in London kesian betul T_____T How I know the line is one split to two one.. Where I'm from, we don't even have a line T____T But to be honest it's just me being sensitive and overly self-conscious as usual.

This post damn Malaysian. Purposely one.

I just checked my uni timetable. Yay got all my first allocated choices. Shud be thankful. But exam results out soon sigh.

Anyone back home miss me yet? Haha. Fishing for self-esteem booster. Let me be!!!11

Why isn't anyone updating the blogs back home. When I was back there update so often eventhough got no significance! I wanna know what's happening!! Fuiyo. Sounding as if I was away for few centuries long liddat. But really I miss the comfort of home. :/

It's damn late now sigh. 10am Malaysian time. I'm damn tired. I don't wanna sleep cause I don't feel like it. And I know I'm gonna regret if I do need to wake up early tmr.. not sure if I need to yet though. But even with that knowledge, I am still not sleeping. Problematic child.

Oh btw. Emirates Stadium was a blast. I loved every inch and metre and centimetre and millimetre of it. Cause I'm biased like that. Photos up soon #2.

I think I'll head to bed now.

C ya.



-alexeO-

The Long Lost Black Sheep

I've always wanted to avoid the truth but I guess denial can only go so far.

I try and try and force myself every single time. It was a struggle and still is a struggle and will be a struggle as long as I want it to be. As long as I need it to be.

It hurts a lot. And it takes up a lot of me that I cannot deny. I was never ready to share it with anyone and maybe I should have had. But the options I have are either so scarce or non-existent.

So what do I do now? I remind myself all the time. And the only answer which continuously appear is the one asking me to continue striving and hurting myself as long as I live, as long as the days go by. It is almost making me wanting to kneel down, and pray hard that this is all just a dream which I will wake up from one fateful day. And realising that day will never come is like having a thousand knives stabbing me right into the very core of my heart.

My personality cannot cope. I feel bad for everything that is happening. I feel like I am the only one fighting a lost cause and everyone else is on the other side.

It does not help feeling like you're alone in something. It hurts so much I am so afraid it'll all explode into a million fragments one day without my will.

The worst part of it all will most certainly be the part when I thought I had a fleet of people behind me versus the single odd one but it has dawned upon me that there is no me and my fleet versus the odd one. But instead, I have become the odd one now and it is me against everyone else.

It aches me to know that it was not always like this.

You do not need to go very far to fully comprehend the entire picture.

I simply do not belong.

And that pains me to the very core.




-alexeO-

Goodbye, Malaysia

Ok. In a couple of hours time.. I will be in a plane leaving to..............


.
.
.


... the UK for a holiday!

Ok like nobody knows that already. But I thought I could frighten some of you guys who thought I would be heading overseas to study ma.. Not yet, but soon enough that day will come. Shit dowan to think about it.

Anyway, this holiday of mine will be a pretty long one too as I'll be back a day before the semester begins so that's definitely a long enough time to miss me hah. Kinda crappy seeing that it is basically gonna take up the rest of my semester break but hey, who am I to complain. I get to go on a vacation.

So I most probably wouldn't get to see any of you guys anymore for the next 2 weeks or so and for sure I'll miss the most of you! (haha words carefully selected)

The main purpose of this trip would to be attend my brother's convocation and the holidaying is just to 'tumpang' this trip. But cannot help but feel darn excited after hearing about the places I'm about to go. By the end of this trip, I should be able to share with everyone my experiences in... exotic Greece, Dubai for a couple of days and the most of all... EMIRATES STADIUM THE HOME TO ARSENAL FOOTBALL CLUB.

I should be taking a stadium tour if all goes well and if I'm not mistaken that'll include visits around the stadium and to the players' changing room and stuff. Shit shit shit. Fabregas' sweat. HAHAHAHA.

Super excited.

Gonna take pics for sure. But does that mean more Series(s) for this blog? Lol. Will amount to be damn alot for sure. And my Japan one still incomplete summore. :(

And I still haven't blog about my Melaka trip but no time already! So here's the link to the albums I posted on Facebook. Read the captions. After browsing through the entire 2 albums while reading the caption, it's almost already like a blog entry. Actually, it IS in fact quite detailed so I don't know how much more extra I can blog about.

Album #1

Album #2


I guess that should be all.

Oh btw, I managed two(2) complete posts and one(1) incomplete post before this. So read them all if you want to.

Don't miss me too much when I'm away buddies. And if time permits, I should be able to blog sometime in the next 2 weeks in my brother's house.

So stay tuned for updates from the other side of the world.

Rawr.


C y'all soon enough.




-alexeO-

Japan Series #4 - People, Places and Things

-____-

I was going to select the photos to put up here.

But I"M RUSHING ALREADY AND I STILL NEED TO FINALIZE MY PACKING! :(

Procrastinate summore la Alex. Sigh.

So next time lah. Maybe when I get back.. -____-

Here's a sneak preview of my people, places and things collection.





PP&T.1






-alexeO-

Alex the Bowler

*Ok, next.

Ok this is going to be a shameless post.

Remember how I said my bowling improved drastically? Well actually it still kinda suck la if compared relatively to other people but hey, it's an achievement for me. So once again.. LET ME BE!!!!!11 Hmmph. >_>

Because people might not believe me, this is the evidence rawr:





Triple digits babeh. The other scores are liquified upon several requests. Haha.


From my second game:





Ok lah. Almost there.. hahaha still one of my better scores.

Wahahaha I actually think I found several reasonings behind it..

For one,

I actually think I am not that bad in ball-games(games with balls) all these time?? HAHA. Really man. I mean.. putting aside my lack of agility or speed... I can actually play ball-games pretty well that's IF I actually spend time playing it. Just because I don't or refuse to play the games doesn't mean I would naturally suck in them right right right?

Ok secondly.. which has a little relevance to the first point.. I think right.. I am those type who will become very consistent and good in a certain ball-sport after warming up! Ok maybe this applies to everyone else in this world as well.. but it's pretty much a proven theory with me. All I need is to play that particular sport for a while, depending on how long I hadn't played it, then I would be very consistent in it and all. Wait I know this sounds like the most basic general thing in the world but it's a little more.. specific with me. GAH duno how to explain. Just accept it. -_-

Bwahahaha. So right.. maybe after so long of 'not playing', my recent bowling outing a couple of weeks/months(?) before that fortunate day of bowling, was the 'warm-up' to my good bowling day!

OMG I DAMN CHEONG HEI(long-winded) I JUST REALISED.

ANYWAY, MY FINAL POINT AND PROBABLY MOST IMPORTANT POINT WOULD BE...

*drum rolls*

.
.
.





WII BOWLING!!!

HAHAHA! this could be the reason behind it all. that 'good bowling' day was my first 'real bowling' ever since I got my Wii and that could be the reason behind my improvement. And omg omg if that is proven correct, I would become a living evidence of how playing Wii can actually improve your skills in any real life sports or games they have for the Wii.

Awesome.

But then again, after all of that, I just have a fishy feeling that the next time I bowl, I will suck again like how I used to. Wow. So much for my reasonings. :/

King of cheong-hei-ness and no-significance posts signing out.




-alexeO-

My Mid-Year Resolutions

*I'm on a super tight schedule. So here goes:

Hello. Seeing that I've failed all of my New-Year Resolutions this year, I am gonna start a new one afresh. It'll probably look the same. Just reworded. Then WTH do I need to post this up right?! SUKA LAH! LET ME BE!!!!1 Hmmph.

To be far less self-conscious when it comes to interacting with other people.

To participate in tutorials. Despite whether I have anything extra-intelligent to say or not.

To not be late for assignment submissions. And if, I repeat IF, possible, start early.

To study harder and be more diligent in my studies. :(

To start more Hellos.

To participate in clubs and societies. <-- lol nat.

Improve body clock.

To hit the gym more often.


Ok. This post shall act as a reminder for the next 6 months.

C'mon Alex. You shape and decide your life.



-alexeO-

Busy Blogger Alexeo

Things to blog about by 2 days time:

1)The 1-Day Melaka Trip
2)Melaka Series?
3)My improved bowling and its reasonings.
4)Japan Series
5)My Mid-Year Resolutions.
6)My goodbye notes before I finally leave to...


I'm on a pretty tight schedule.



-alexeO-

A Secret I Cannot Tell

Leng ka fei li kai le bei dian,
Wo ren zhu de qing xu zai hen hou mian..

+

*piano*

=

awesomeness.



Link.





-alexeO-

Random Bits and Pieces

Photos of food make me hungry. Even though I might have been glutted before I see the photos, just laying my eyes on the photos causes my tummy to grumble.

Like this.




*TUMMY GRUMBLES WTF

So random.

But that explains my size I guess.

My previous post sounds weird after reading through it again today. But I guess it's the consequence of not sleeping at all the night before. Weird stuff happens.

Going for a pretty long holiday next week onwards. Kinda excited, but kinda double-minded about it too seeing that it's gonna eat up the rest of my already very consumed 'break'. And I haven't even finished posting my Japan Series up yet. Feeling very lazy atm.

Should I post about my first semester? I think I'll just post it in point form cause I might want to read it back next time.

Took 4 damn tough subjects for dunno what reason.

Kinda regretted double-majoring.

One of my INT units made me feel very 'distant' in every sense whatsoever for I dunno what reason.

I'm not that smart after all (funny how this appears in every post-semester summary. I think the more semesters I'm completing, the dumber I think I am).

Good English, while beneficial, doesn't get you very far in answering essays.

I'm becoming or already am essay-phobic. All we do are super-long and complex research essays here. I'm running out of ways to start an essay other than mentioning the 21st century, in this era, in today's world, or something about the rapid growth of globalization.

The noodles at the Indonesian stall in the cafeteria is very nice indeed.

Uncle's sandwiches in cafeteria still very convenient.

So is the fruits stall.

Late for almost every assignment submission. Come to think of it, I think I was only 'not late' for one assignment. Must not repeat actions in the semesters to come, please. Because of that grades dropped pretty drastically for nothing.

Several assignments of mine I did from midnight till 9-10am that morning. Really, really unhealthy. Must not repeat actions.

Not active at all in uni.. yet.

VERY VERY UNHEALTHY BODY CLOCK FOR FIRST SEMESTER

Might update list.

Shit the last point reminded me of my 2008 new-year resolutions! LEMME GO CHECK SEEING THAT THE MID-YEAR IS APPROACHING ALREADY. OR HAS ALREADY APPROACHED OMG.

*ok checked. Damn disappointing.

To have a better body clock [FAILED]

To participate more among friends [FAILED]

To socialise better [FAILED]

To be less cowardly [FAILED]

To live a healthier lifestyle [FAILED]

Hi failure Alex.

But I must prevail and keep strong. For tomorrow will be a new day.

Wow you can't imagine how difficult it took me to find words to explain things the way I want to for this post. Either it's the time of the day or my vocabulary sucks balls. I think it's the latter coz this is not the only time I am struggling to find words from my mind. And most of the time, I don't find them. So I replace them with other words which sometimes makes my sentences confusing and... nonsensical. O well.

I shall post about my improved bowling skillx in the next post. LOL OVER 100 BEAT THAT SUCKERS HAHAHA.




-alexeO-

At Looooooooooooong Last

There's an extra skip in each of my steps today.

I wonder why.

Oh, how could I let it slip off my mind?

Cliched, overdone, redundant, unnecessary, whatever.

but

For the beast has been slained, rejoice! Hopes he doesn't reincarnate and gobble the whole of me up. Will know our respective fates - our, being the beast's and mine - sometime next month.

But for now,

"IT'S OVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!11"

SEM 1, YEAR 2, WORST SEMESTER YET, OFFICIALLY OVER.




*throws confetti*





-alexeO-

Pleasant Surprise and More

I feared for my modem to be fried along with any hardwares it might have affected alongside during a huge thunderstorm which struck in the afternoon - a time in which I was too tired to move from my bed to do anything at all, what more head to my computer and plug out everything and all.

But thankfully none of that happened.

All which happened was my main computer being able to access the internet again, after what feels like an eternity, immediately after the thunderstorm.

?_?

Sometimes, things in life confuse you in the funniest ways. I guess that's why it's great to be alive.

Kinda over exaggerated, I know.

*

Final paper on Monday. Hell yeah. Hell freaking yeah.

The only downside is how difficult-to-comprehend this final unit is. Everything feels so on the surface. In fact, just barely 'floating' too.

And the worst part of it all? No one understands what we, we being the Arts students, are going through. No one knows how tough it can be and that's sickening. Because we struggle like many of the difficult courses out there, but no one acknowledges our struggle as they do for the other courses.

Oh medicine tough, yes I get it. Oh engineering tough, yes I get it. Oh law tough, yes I get it. Oh Arts tough, you must be kidding me.

This is redundant and feels repetitive but the scale of it is so huge I feel there will never be the day when I stop telling people how the course is of so much more importance, and so much more difficulty, than they can ever, in their respective lifetimes, ever, think of.

Because it's not about learning how to organize events or advertise a product.
Because it's not about learning how to read news, or speak to another person over the phone.

It's about the humanities, sociology, semiotics, anthropology, philosophy, social sciences, media and cultural studies.
It's about Structuralism, Post-structuralism, Psychoanalysis, Auteur Theory, New Criticism, Postmodernism, Orientalism.
It's about Barthes, Freud, Foucault, Romantics, Derrida, Saussure, and so so so much more.

We do not want people to think of our course as the hardest of them all, because it is probably not true. All we want is for people to acknowledge our struggles, for it is as agonizing, if not more than any other courses out there. And maybe after that, we might just feel a tee wit better about what we are doing.

We don't need to go through the painstaking processes, only to have people devalue or belittle them later. Because that sucks and nobody understands. Nobody at all but us.

And on Monday I go to the battlefield alone. Fight the fight of my life against a raging frenzied beast and come back to my town wounded from head to toe and barely alive, only to have nobody welcoming my return in week-long parades, applauses, cheers, or even a simple welcoming drink.

Because in their minds, there was no raging frenzied beast, there was no need for a battle even, for my fight is of little significance, of trivial substance. For my fight is inferior to any other fights out there, for mine pales in comparison to any legendary acknowledged fights out there, and for I can never ever fight a tougher fight than the rest.

And ultimately no one is interested, no one cares, because their mindsets are fixed and stubborn. Because they don't feel they need to know the details of my fight, or the scale of it, because there was no raging frenzied beast, and the most violent foe or nemesis they could muster out of their limited knowledge, out of their minds which refuse to understand, stands inferior to even a housefly.

And so I walk to my home, alone, battle-wounded and sore, no one but me knowing the sacrifice I made, the danger I faced, the risks I took. No one knowing the details of how my hands almost got severed, how my body almost got permanently burnt, how I limped my way throughout the battle, or how I almost lost my right eye to the beast.

No one.. but me.




-alexeO-

*grumble grumble

Okay this could sound annoying because it probably implies me thinking too much again.

But do you know the times when you suddenly think of something you regretted saying or doing so much you could feel the embarrassment so heightened like it just happened a few seconds ago?

I'm sure you do.

Well I have that occurrences like a lot, hen duo, banyak banyak, oh surprise surprise.

So anyway, the most recent one would be the flashback of the time during my very first tutorial in university last year, where we had to take turns introducing ourselves in a circle, in a fun way through answering several interesting questions.

The difficult thing would be how we were supposed to memorize and repeat everyone else's answers so the further we are from the beginning of the circle, the more we have to memorize.

One of the more interesting questions would be the color of the undergarment we were wearing at that present time(yeah my tutor quite the hamsap) and the funny thing would be how everyone had to repeat the color of everyone's undergarment over and over again as the circle gets bigger.

But that's not the question which affected me deeply strangely enough.

The one which left a scar in my memory box(wtf is that) would be the simple question of my favourite celebrity.

I had a tough time trying to think of one because knowing me, I like to be original and being somewhere in the middle of the circle certainly limits my capacity to be original because my favourite actor/singer would most probably be taken up by then.

So anyway, it was finally my turn and even by then when I started answering the questions one by one (the favourite celebrity was among the last few questions), I still hadn't thought of a celebrity to choose.

So the panicky me immediately reminded myself of the most recent favourite song or any particular nice song I can think of at that moment and just list out the person who sang that particular song.

Which wasn't a good choice to make at all.

Because the smart, intelligent me had a random thought on the song about Angels to which I muttered somewhat proudly..

"Robbie Williams"

NooooooooooOOOooOOoooooOoOOo.

While several girls and guys before or even after me had supercool personalities like Freddie Mercury and Ayumi Hamasaki respectively, I had a freaking British pop sensation. Not like that's a bad thing, but I'm a freaking guy the last time I checked and even Beyonce would be a better option me thinks.

But Robbie Williams? Wtf wtf.

He's like the ultimate sex icon for girls swooning over and all. Come on Alex, Robbie Williams?? Gaaah!

I think my tutorial mates were also in various states of disbelief.

Some immediately asked, "Robin, the actor, or Robbie?"

To which I proudly answered again, "Robbie."

Dammit knowing better I should have answered Robin. Argh.

So much for wanting to be original.

*slaps self

Well at least if it ever happens to me again, I probably would be more ready next semester. I'll say someone cool like Fergie from Black Eyed Peas.. or maybe not.

I'm sorry I wasted your time if you actually read through everything. Haha. But it was really troubling me okay. Zzz. I just had to get it out. *grumbles grumbles again.

>_>



-alexeO-

Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Overcame strong currents, rough waves and consecutive tossing about but persisted through like a true champion and eventually risen from the adversity without a scratch.




My pen-drive is one heck of a fighter.

Survived the god-forbidding and imperil nature of the apocalyptic, deadly washing machine but still as fit as a fiddle, a computerized one, if that makes any sense at all.

On another totally irrelevant note,

A belated hello to...




omgz. omgz. omgz.

My very first console *wipes tear*.

I actually had a PS3 for a very short period but that is not counted because of the 'very short period' I had it for which amounts to.. never having it at all.

Bla, bla, bla to the Nintendo Wii being not suited for 'real' 'hardcore' gamers. Bla, bla, bla to lousier graphics and smaller memory capacity or other parallel things of little relevance.

I don't really care in the first place because for one, I never had a console to begin with so to hell with the hardcore gaming bull as I've never been 'hardcore' gamer before and I don't think I ever wanna be one. And besides, I still love my computer and playing games 'casual'-ly.

Two, I am not excited with the prospect of frantically pushing buttons on a controller for games because I was raised by my dad to think of that as a very absurd and erm, unintelligent thing to do. The Wii brings gaming to a whole new level. *swings imaginary remote

And thirdly, it's an extremely good party, casual gaming machine! Good bonding tool for family and friends alike. Yes you know you want to bond with me *raises eyebrow wtf

And oh yea, not forgetting you get to sweat while at it too. Regardless how insignificant your perspiration is as compared to playing real sports or hitting the gym, hey, at least it keeps your pulse racing even during your gaming times. Good for lazy arses like myself.

SO DARN EXCITING!

I got it like.. 1-2 weeks ago and the only downside to it is probably its games which costs a bomb if you want to buy games which come along with accessories, like a toy guitar for guitar hero etc but that applies to other consoles too I understand. And also due to my lack of console gaming in my lifetime, the first night I slept after playing I had a terrible headache omg T___T. I woke up in the middle of the night feeling like I was about to puke or something. But thankfully I only suffered for that one night only.

And another downside is probably the fact that I showered 3 times for that one day I did nothing at all but play the Wii. ._.||

This device should make me a better host now. Hah.

Ok post much longer than I initially intended it to be.

And after all that, I have to remember somewhere at the back of my mind that I still got one more crucial exam paper to go next week. -______- super potong stim *grumble grumble*




-alexeO-

Pest of the Day: Rats

I think there's a rat somewhere in my house.

Wait. Make that many, many rats.

It's not because my house is damn filthy or what. But it's the bloody electricity attic on top of the ceiling thingy lah.

Argh.

Yala damn geli I know so stay far far away thanks. Better for me since everybody knows how much I hate being the host and people coming into my private lair bwahaha. Sounds damn selfish I know. But I love my personal spaces tankiu veli mucho. Eventhough it could be rat-infested wtf.

Aih. I really really want to blog and post a non-filler post, i.e. finish my Japan Series photo collection(yes still got), and posting sexy pictures of myself(haha), but my main computer still cannot access to the internet and I'm damn lazy to transfer the files over via a pendrive.

*grumbles grumbles

._.




-alexeO-

Sleeping Hours: 18½

Started sleeping yesterday from..

7:00PM - 1:30PM.

No, I did not get the AM/PM wrong.

What? Try sleeping for literally zero hours the day before. But to be fair, I woke up all of a sudden at 2:00AM, then again at 7:00AM, both of which I forced myself back to sleep after tossing and turning about an hour for each on the bed.

A personal best, I think.

Very meaningless post but I gotta get it up somewhere.



-alexeO-

Random Thoughts: Blogging

Sometimes I wonder when would be the day I finally stop 'penning' my thoughts onto this blog of mine.

It could 10 years time, next year, next week, or even tomorrow - I dunno.

My blog's so old the thought of it is almost incomprehensible. Will I still blog the day I get married, have kids, retire, and so on?

And what if my kids become old enough to be able to read my blog and go through my old posts one day. What will they think of their father omgz. Emotard whiny daddy. That doesn't sound good at all.

I was going through my archives(yes, again) and I discovered things I've already previously forgotten about! And that is the best part about blogging in my opinion. Reliving the memories of the past. ~_~

Leaving those random thoughts aside,

slightly busy period now. actually, one that has been going on for the past few weeks already. that's why I keep delaying some posts I should have posted long time ago. exams mah.

the internet connection on my main computer died on me, again.

my unhealthy sleeping habit is back. with a vengeance too.

worst semester ever gonna be all over soon *prepares confetti*

i really really hate mosquitoes. and any other pests for that matter. sorry son/daughter, i guess you have to ask your mother.




-alexeO-

About Me

I am Alex.





-alexeO-

Soundbite

1 June 08, 3:30AM
Windows Live Messenger.

Lx™ says:
i feel like eating mee in a cup
Lx™ says:
i feel like playing games
Lx™ says:
i feel like doing anything but my work
Lx™ says:
i even feel like jogging wtf
Lx™ says:
i really hate doing work so much
Lx™ says:
chrisanne im essay-phobic now
Lx™ says:
CAN U BELIEVE IT
Lx™ says:
IT HAPPENED TO ME
Lx™ says:
ALEX YEO
Lx™ says:
THE ESSAY WRITER

Chrisanne says:
hmmmmmm
Chrisanne says:
ok...
Chrisanne says:
thats bad

-alexeO-

NOTE TO SELF

REMINDER: Know your PRIORITIES, Alex Yeo!

Cousin ST's Wedding 2008

Well, it went... well, in a way. I guess.



me grooving.


More photos and reactions up soon..




-alexeO-

MC Lex

Yo yo yo.


Hello. el oh el.


Emcee-ing cousin's wedding dinner tonight. Kinda big deal as it's the very first cousin of my generation who's getting married.

If wedding emcees are to be fun, natural, interesting, smooth, and all of that and more incorporated into a smart-looking package, I'm a wedding emcee from a different planet - not in a good way.

Going outstation early tomorrow, technically later today(it's past midnight) and I'm still cool but not as cool as before.

Hopefully I'll rock the house.

Will tell if I did. If I don't, then you know how I did.

If anything, hope my friends are proud of me regardless of how I do. =)

Love you guys.

Peace out.



-alexeO-

Scraped.

So I was messing around with my sister doing high-fashion couture catwalks ala Tyra Banks "fierce" style with music on an imaginary runway - men's walk if that's any consolation - and due to my over-enthusiasm and somewhat overboard "fierceness", I scraped my foot against the closet and I lost a little bit of skin. It's still hurting right now.

I have to say, Fergie's Clumsy is really a good song to catwalk too. el oh el. oh em gee.

Don't ask me why the random verging-on-queer catwalk. It must be the episode of ANTM I watched right before. And yes, I do watch ANTM.

Incredibly defensive reasons are as follow.

Firstly, I'm a self-confessed reality TV geek. That is, to a large extent, a very evident and self-explanatory statement. Secondly, it is very interesting indeed to see the results of the professional photoshoots and the typical 'rapidfire-like' American reality TV editing makes it exciting and... quite unfortunately, addictive. And the girls, of course, are really soothing on the eyes too.

Man, I can't believe I just revealed all that. I must be one heck of a really thick-skinned, beh paiseh(not embarrassed) person. Not smart, not smart, Alex.

Please also note that the point I am trying to make here is not the freaking walk which I made but the scraped foot. It is pretty painful. But to moan and whine somemore would only make me less of a man than I am presumably already very little of due to the model-ish catwalk revelation.

Guys, come onnnn, it was all in the name of fun?

:/

Perhaps it'll be fun to do it together one day. el oh el exclamation mark(x3).

You can start the "eeeee Alex" now if you haven't already.

In fact, I'm so appalled right now I'm going to start it myself. "eeee Alex. seriously. wtf."




-alexeO-

Filler

I have quite a lot of things to blog about but I am not doing it because inspiration's at an ultimate low atm. Not like my redundant opinions are of any importance anywaaay.. right??? *sarcastic stare*

So here's the fastest and brief-est update ever(with color! for the extra 'zing'!) on alexycy.blogspot.com *takes deep breath*:-

Uni semester's coming to an end soon and there is absolutely no time to be emotional about it - reasons pretty freaking clear. I'm going to be the emcee for my cousin's wedding; sure it's glamorous and exciting and all but it's coming so soon and I am having incredibly cold feet atm. Syesha Mercado ftw; I don't mind anyone winning tbh, would love for her to defy the odds stacking against her but kudos to her anyway for "living her dream" - hope she does well in her life. Extremely loving couples or arguing couples who choose to do their stuff in the university library should find a private place to do their private stuff; in other words, get a freaking room - and no, it has nothing to do with jealousy. And here it goes, I am going to be sporting and congratulate ManU for winning the EPL this season - even though it is pretty undeniable there were a lot of luck going on for the team in the process and on the other freaking hand, a lot of luck going against the Arse whole season long and those are events which you wouldn't want me to list out, "fans" of ManU, trust me you don't. Dodgy refereeing decisions, the only team to play on a non-sucky originally sucky pitch which other 19 away teams played on? Come on. But like I said, I am going to be sporting and the sporting me is going to congratulate them ;). Best team this season? Hey - not too sure about that. But congratulations, nonetheless. :/ I hate my "new" printer for being crappy and making me, or my sister rather, waste money on the crappy cartridges which became crappily empty after one freaking day of usage of printing nothing at all. Long story. This isn't that brief afterall. :| Crap, I have to learn to be less.. expressive. Queer, huh?

That should be all. Thank you for your kind attention.


p/s: "Legend" (like, the map, you know? Legend for maps?? Oh my gawd, I'm so American, and funny. Bwahaha.):-

tbh - to be honest

atm - at the moment

ftw - for the win

EPL - English Premier League

*sidenote*(dunno where to add this bit): sorry for the messy color coordinations. I'm colorblind/deficient afterall.. in case you don't know or hasn't realized yet.

zing - wtf is zing.


Thank you once again.

*does imaginary bow*





-alexeO-

Sooth.

Music calms me.


♪

Liang's Birthday "Present"

me: eh erm sze kari and i actually got u a little present
me: later i "give" u ok
WeiLianG: huh ?
WeiLianG: giv me here ?
WeiLianG: facebook izzit ?
me: yeap
me: u'll see
WeiLianG: no need la
WeiLianG: i damn pai seh lo

Mien pai seh la..

Here it is!:-



Person in still-frame looks familiar? must watch! especially to his "fanatics" you know who you are lol. click click!



;)

Happy 20th Birthday Liang!

Hope you liked our little "gift" for you hahaha.




-alexeO-

Some Things to Note

Clubbing is an expensive hobby if I haven't known already

Wei Liang has a lot of friends

The toilets at Bar Celona are really not tipsy-friendly

IV is one heck of a scary apartment when you are walking alone at night

I can drink more than 5 glasses of liquor now rawr

STOP POKING/PUSHING ME LA WHEN I'M TRYING TO WALK OUT OF THE CROWDED AREA AS WELL ARGH

I look cool with aviator shades hoho. Evidence:-

Some people can unexpectedly really drink, some others *cough* really cannot.

I really, really, really do not know my priorities.




-alexeO-

Starstruck at MDG Grand Finale!

No spoilers here no worries but it's not like you haven't heard from somewhere else already anyway. =/

Anyway, I managed to take photos with some finalists of the Malaysian Dreamgirl(MDG) reality show!! Wahahaha I think I am incredibly too easy to be pleased.. damn easy to be star-struck wtf. Anyone who I deem as "personalities" in their own respective ways I immediately become so star-struck when they appear beside me. I mean.. they're somewhat fehmes right.. got fanbase(no matter how small) and all.. so yeah la. hehehe.

So to make you all jealous(hahaha like you will lah eh actually maybe some of you will hmmm *grins*), here are some very-bad-quality photos I took with the girls! Stupid camera phone. Shud have brought my DSLR. Gaah!

And oh yea I need to make a special mention to Karina who became my cam-whore partner with the models lol.

Thanks Sze for taking the photos for us!

And also, I think I'll post some photos of the contestants when they were in the competition la to 'make value' the photos I took with them lol.

Anyway here they are:-




A photo with Rihanna. Hahaha nola duh but Msian version of Rihanna. She may not be the most attractive in person but seriously her modeling photos damn good/geng/yeng model material lor. Here's one:-



Next,




Caption 'strategically' placed to block out my bulging tummy. Hoho. Jadi! She's a Top 3 Finalist btw. And YALA I KNOW SHE'S ONE HEAD TALLER THAN ME BUT I'M NOT THE MODEL HERE RIGHT RAWR! Here's her 'bright-and-shiny' photoshoot:-



Last one.. yah 3 only can sorry la! too shy T_T




Okay I look everything like a stressed out and exhausted over assignments boy here(damn crappy crap) but don't care la die die must show off also wtf. She was my favourite in the beginning. And she is very very pretty in person! Of Chinese-Malay parentage if I'm not mistaken. Here's a picture of her I can already imagine on those Wella Hair-Dye product boxes:-



And also also since I'm on a roll wtf, I shall talk about the other fehmes celebrities I spotted at the event!

Actually abit regret la I was damn shy when they were all socializing downstairs and they were damn near la.. so I didn't get to take photos with the ones I wanted to. Not only the girls/contestants la.. but also fehmes bloggers like ShaolinTiger(damn big ang moh), Pinkpau(damn regret), Ringo(is she counted? dunno where to place her hmmm cause she's both a contestant and a fehmes blogger for those who dunno crap too much words in a bracket -___-) and Kenny whom Sze Jia took with though.

I did a little Alex's 'Celebrity' Hunt but I only ended up with very lousy candid photos of some popular bloggers and Jonathan Putra(TV Personality).. so not worth posting. The others I 'spotted' ended up on stage anyways :/

So maybe I shall now post some photos of the event itself. I also took some videos but don't feel like uploading videos now so next time maybe.

And oh oh before that I have to say that the 3 girls I took the photos with were very very nice indeed! ~_~

Okay roll the photos.






The Stage/Runway.




The contestants' catwalk.




Kenny Sia, Elaine Daly, Jimmy Lim - the 3 judges. Elaine was the emcee for the event and I have to say she was very good indeed. Okla damn boring Alex so 'uncritical' everything also damn good, nice or pretty one. But speaking about pretty, Elaine Daly was within touching distance(I waved at her and she waved AND smiled back haha) and she was really sizzling hawt rawr! Okay maybe not sizzling sizzling but really very... beautiful? no.. gorgeous? not quite there.. urgh can't avoid the word. p-r-e-t-t-y.


H.
m.
m.
m.
~

Damn lazy liao suddenly so that's it I guess.

Excuse me while I go rub off the stars from my eyes now.

Omg I am damn pathetic sigh.





-alexeO-

Psycho

Okay the ignorant me never knew that the 1998 movie was actually a remake of a 1960 Alfred Hitchcock's masterpiece.

That is why when my lecturer said that we were about to watch "Psycho" during lecture I wasn't particularly jumping out of my seat. What was there to critically 'analyze' anyway?

And hey, as embarrassing as it sounds, it was the 1998 one which had permanently traumatized me till, to a certain extent, today. Because of that 'infamous' shower scene, I rarely, or never ever use the shower curtains when I use the bath tubs in hotels - yes it's true. So I definitely do not want to be re-traumatized again if you know what I mean. It took me a little while to get over it and I'm almost there and I cannot possibly imagine spending another 10 years trying to live past the trauma again.

And then again, the 1998 movie wasn't really some work to behold in the first place isn't it? I mean, even after watching the remade version first, as much as I remember, I still feel it pales in comparison to the 1960 one which I never even knew existed before today. :/

But now I know.

Considering the period the movie was made, and after reading the trivia section in its imdb page, all I can say is wow - seriously, what a great movie this is!

The music is classic, and the extent in which Hitchcock went through to pass the movie of as 'real' as possible is really admirable.

Okay it wasn't really that scary maybe it startled me a few times now and then (during the scenes when we all know something is about to happen) but when "it" actually happened, it was actually pretty funny.

But regardless of anything, its idea, script, cinematography and Hitchcock's own personal flavor to it is really compelling to say the least.

To better value and realize the "workmanship" of the movie, we all have to always keep a mental note somewhere at the back of our minds that at that period, psychological thrillers like Psycho was virtually non-existent. If anything, the "horror/thriller" genre would comprise of vampires and werewolves and things of that sort. I wouldn't be surprised if the movie is actually accredited for influencing the existence of other psychological thrillers we have in abundance today.




On the whole, a very good movie. Certainly goes up to my personal list of the 'Top 10 Best Movies of All Time', if there's such a list that is.


"A boy's best friend is his mother." - Norman Bates




-alexeO-

Scary

You know what's scary?

Like assignment/tests are not scary by themselves already.

What's scarier is that... I have almost every week one due until the semester ends!

OMG!

I was like as usual right, being the very "organized" me(*haha*), noting down the dates and deadlines on my phone's calendar and then only I realized how sucky my remaining time of this semester is gonna be T_T

Cause right as usual I'll be looking for the period where I can relax but I couldn't find any T_T

By the time I can finally relax, my semester would be as good as over already T_T

T_T

How lah to enjoy my uni days like that.

And even then I cannot really relax because I have exams right after. And I also need to mention that my exam dates totally suck!

I have one relatively early paper on the 12th of June then another on the 23rd! OH THE WAIT FOR NOTHING AT ALL! SUMMORE THE PAPER ON THE 23RD IS A SUBJECT I HAVE VERY LOW CONFIDENCE IN! HOW TO RELAX?!! T_T

And, the later my exam ends, the shorter my holiday!

And I think I've only got like 3 weeks of break/"holiday" until my Sem 2 begins. But like I told Liang, the beginning of my second semester this year would probably be the relaxing part I seek la. Guess I can only enjoy my uni days next sem then T_T!

And also, my idea of break is actually to sleep-in at home one. The more sleep and rest I get, the better and more efficient the break is for me. Yes yes what a lazy idea measuring through my idle-ness but that's me la okay.

But the thing is.. because of the short break and this thing I'm gonna shortly mention after... I don't think I'll get that this break at all! Cause if I'm not mistaken, I will be going overseas for some family trip and to attend my brother's convocation!

Which also can be interpreted as...

NO SLEEP-INS ALEXEO!!!

GAAAAHH *pulls hair wildly*

I think I'll be real restless come early next sem. Because of my apparent lack of "break."

Oklah I think I better sleep now. I dunno what am I doing staying up also. And I also think I've shed too much tears writing this post T_T




-alexeO-

No one likes reading other people's emo stuff because everyone has their own pre-existing issues to deal with already.

*points to title* Yep, it's true.

Anyway I've finally completed and submitted my very very long and exhausting international studies assignment on the International Criminal Court. Yes cue the yawns.

When I was at somewhere 2/3rd of my essay, my brain literally felt... "dry". Omg. Really man. Any sort of juices be it creative or intellectual ones were completely dried off at that moment of time and I could actually feel it. That feeling totally sucks and it's the ultimate case of all ultimate cases of severe writer's block.

So I likened my assignment-writing to driving a car with an empty tank (if you actually bothered to read my personal message on Windows Live that is).

Cause its true! I had nothing in my mind working and I was just forcefully 'vomiting out' sentence after sentence and then the attempt to make it look coherent and 'flowy' was only done as a process of itself later.

Hey my "car" barely moved and I had some distance to go but I was patiently pushing through foot-by-foot knowing that if I just keep going regardless of the rate I was moving, I would eventually reach the destination and so I did T_T omg so inspiring.

Very torturous. In fact these 2-3 weeks would be and are very torturous for me. :(

I have 2 more assignments due this Friday and they're all like damn many words lah WTF LA ARGH@@#$@%@!!

What a rude awakening Year 2 is. Last year the bunch of us had our lecturers patiently coaxing us and we started off like systematically with easier assignments with less word counts and then only moved on to the "heavier" ones later in the semester which weren't so "heavy" anyway now that I think of it.

But this time no fore-warning for you LOSERS!!! 2500 word essays as your first assignments and how about having all of them due almost at the same time?!!! BWAHAHAHA!!

As you can see, I've gone slightly mental.

If anything, I think it's the lack of sleep I had today and yesterday. Yes I blame the lack of sleep. 10am isn't a really good time to crawl to your bed, is it? Especially if you have classes couple of hours later. Must-not-get-used-to-it-alex-yeo!

After this week and hopefully come sometime mid-next week, I'll be a much.. lighter man with much.. lighter burdens.

Come on Alex. Think of the destination!





-alexeO-

Another Passing Eclipse

I left a big cut in another friendship today.

At this rate of open wounds I'm causing, I predict my future lonely hermit status to be brought forward another 5 years to an estimate age of 30 years-old.

The ugly, permanent, scars it'll become.

You know, I really shouldn't be caring about all these things at the moment. But it's hard to ignore when it's one heck of a serious case of bad timing. Everything coming together from all directions at the same time... you know that sort? I'm sure you do.

My assignment which I need to prioritize is currently lying at the bottom of the list for some weird, unfathomable reason.

*

It takes more than what I currently have to be sincere in my apologies but if it makes anyone feel any better, I am sorry. But until I find the day to achieve that sincerity(which can also be interpreted as knowing exactly what I did wrong), I guess everyone will just have to live with that.

And yet I still insist it's never always only my fault. It is a two-sided thing, it always is.

I am so internally-stressed now it's not funny anymore. It doesn't really show outside and that's the scary bad part of it. I won't be surprised if I fall sick anytime soon. Item on checklist #34765: Improve mental strength.

Like everyone else(I believe), I want the old Alex back too.

Believe me, I do.





-alexeO-

Post = A little bit of (this + that)

Hola Amigos!

.
.
.

I'm so mathematically expressive wtf (refers to title of post).

I am actually blogging without a fixed conscience of what I want to rant about today so this is cool.

*thinks of any possible but but highly unlikely interesting events which occurred recently to me hmm*

Okay I think this is interesting enough.

I attended many interesting talks/seminars in my uni recently!

Okay there was Lat the popular Msian cartoon artist(who I thought was somewhat overrated before lol sorry fanatics, but not now! grr) and then there was a Burmese refugee who came to my migration unit's lecture to give a talk on his experiences of himself and other refugees in this country oh so wonderfully contrasting but yet fascinating in their little own ways.


"Lat", for the ignorant few. Albeit being only a comic character, I still feel and thinks that picture doesn't do Lat justice for some reason something wrong with me wtf.

.
.
.

Nothing to say liao.

Shit I'm so lousy at this..

Perhaps it's time for another Japan Series(sounds strangely wrong but nvm)!

I shall call this "Japan Series #3.5" because it isn't really DISTINCTIVELY MAJOR enough to feature in a post by itself.. or maybe it is. Well here it is anyway!

Japan Series #3.5

Ladies and gentleman, *drums rolls*

Meet...

.
.
.





... a human-version of Shin Chan!


BWAHAHA DAMN SIMILAR RITE RITE RITE?!!


THE "REAL" CARTOON SHIN CHAN FOR COMPARATIVE PURPOSES!


HAHAHAHAHAHA ADMIT IT LAH.

I didn't actually notice the similarities until I got home and started browsing the photos I took and it was then I stumbled upon that photo of that boy sheltering himself from the freezing winter who was in some sort of a field-trip presumably with his other classmates in Tokyo Disneyland!

There were other photos of the kids which turned out quite good too in the album but I shall consider if I want to post them up potentially as a series in itself on this blog or not. Due to erm,..... several reasons which might limit me wanting to do so. Shaddup sickos. Omg I can't believe I even thought of that. Sigh what is wrong with you Alex.

Okay I'd like to talk about my assignment now. HAHAHAHA.

Nola I know how whiny I might have sounded when I actually talk about my assignments lololol. But on a serious note, seriously lor. I have it like due and I am not even... doing it. I'm planning to hand up a day or two later than it is due.. = ( sigh it's not easy to understand where I'm coming from okayyyy? = (

Instead, I spent the whole day re-layouting and re-viving my long dead and abandoned high school class blog!!



A preview of my 'very detailed' and 'elaborated' class blog.


-_____-

Something wrong with me seriously.

Then now that I've spent so much time on it(trial and error templates, uploading, etc) I suddenly have the obligations to "look after it" and "check it out" more than usual??

And besides, I don't know if this is another thing wrong with me but it can be fun reading how people from oh so different backgrounds perceive a certain thing differently!

Oh and on another note, argh *cringes* I really cannot stand people with pretentious and fake accents! Particularly in classes. In one of the seminars someone came out with this omg so obviously faked accent and my bulu roma all actually stood up!! That was how serious it was!! T__T

But ON THAT NOTE, I dunno why-leh but I seem to have it also when I try to talk seriously!! I think it's because I am damn scared to make a mistake and when I try so overly hard to articulate and pronounce my words so perfectly, a pretentious geli accent actually comes out of it! =-O

Sigh must change. But then do I now purposely go and sound 'Malaysian'? I mean that's a horrible accent in itself too... Oh dilemmas, dilemmas.

=/

They say I have a wee-bit tendency to over-think things.

Hmmm.






-alexeO@2:30am-

ENH2407

It was the usual case of Assignment Anxiety all over again.

The more I proofread my work, the more erroneous and worst it gets.

Happens without fail. Nothing in my life gets more definite and indisputable than that.

It became so bad that the final skim-through had me cringing through just to get to the last page.

But when the assignment submission box is within touching distance next to you, all you could do and muster at that particular point is to forcefully shift your mind to something else for that few vacuum-like seconds, drop your assignment in and walk off as quickly as possible from that spot which you had probably occupied for the last many minutes you spent doing nothing but flipping your papers front and back, which wouldn't change anything at all, really. And you know that. But anything for a sense of closure and satisfaction at that point.

No question, the toughest and most tedious assignment I had ever done in my whole very limited but still evident, university career.

It strikes you when all which seemed to move isn't your pathetic looking word count but time.

It strikes you when you go to bed at freaking 10am in the freaking morning and skip two classes on two different days and it has something to do with your assignment.

And even after all that, there is no closure.

There is no satisfaction.



Welcome to University.






-alexeO-

Japan Series #3 - Sheets of White Snow

Snow + Nature.1





Snow + Nature.2





Snow + Nature.3





Snow + Nature.4





Snow + Nature.5





-alexeO-

Anti Center of Attention

I hate it when the spotlight's on me.

So many times, I just want to sink and disappear beneath the shadows of the party, and morph with the surrounding walls, much to no avail though most of the time.

But when it happens, "it" being me getting forcefully shone under the bright glare of the spotlight, it usually turns out not as bad as I typically imagined it to be.

I am (and believe will be) a behind-the-scenes person.

a.k.a the-shy-one lah.

pathetic-nya. so much for being an arts/communication/international studies student.

Today you learn another thing about me. yay congrats good for u.




-alexeO-

The Only Consolation of the Day

Taken in the university's carpark. [09.04.08]



A heart-shaped puddle <3.





-alexeO-

Heart-wrenched but Not Completely Devastated

Gutted, but it just had to happen isn't it? Every single thing going against our way.

Before the game, Richmond C was asking me if he should stay up and watch the game. This was my reply.

me: then watch la
me: watch how decisions all go against arsenaL again
me: watch how we deserved to win the 4th encounter with the same team
me: AGAIN
me: but somehow
me: something just wont jadi for us

I guess there is nothing much left to say other than the fact that the semi-final spot was robbed from us so evidently that it is almost laughable. This is not a mere biased remark coming only from me, but from every single source and people who watched the match I have come across thus far. Even Gerrard the Liv captain himself couldn't directly reply the question on whether his team deserved it or not.

The most heartbreaking thing was how it looked like we were going through already with 7 mins to go and then boom. One minute later, a controversial penalty decision awarded to the opposing team fairly softly. And then suddenly everyone remembers the tug by Kuyt on Hleb last week in the penalty box and the incomprehensibility of how a penalty was not given for such an obvious foul.

We were the better team over the 2 legs but I guess that's football. It doesn't matter if a team deserves it or not, all that matter are the results at the end of the day.

Everyone praised Arsenal's football last night but it doesn't matter does it. How people hope we win the league now etc etc for our football but I guess that doesn't alter the fact that we clearly underachieved for all our beautiful football this season. Not because we didn't deserve it, but how luck and decisions all went against us every single time. By luck I mean injuries, refereeing decisions, and the sorts.

One thing's for sure at least, the Liv fans and others who trashtalk now about how Arsenal lost last night are clearly the "superficial fans" I ranted about a few posts ago.

But thankfully thus far I hadn't come across any yet.

A special thanks for the moral 'support' from fans of other clubs who all exclaimed how unlucky we were and all. It means something. One consolation I could get is that we clearly showed our quality and what we are made of last night.

If we win this weekend's EPL match, then the tiny flicker of hope for silverware suddenly becomes that much brighter. But even if we don't, with the young team we have, we have already done so much better than last season. Signs of more things to come in the seasons to come. And then I guess it'll be till next season then.

But for now, come on you gunners.





-alexeO-

"I am Fine" is the World's Biggest Lie

Just when all seemed smooth-flowing and 'tranquil' again, you just know that something you do not wish to happen will happen just because it will and it must for whatever reason it might be.

Be it a philosophical scientifical natural law thing of the way the world operates or some intellectually-moulded or mere 'biased' religious assertion, it WILL just happen.

That is why when someone answers "I am fine" to an over-asked insincere(like the other person really cares) "How are you?", that person who answered is lying(as much as the person who asked was, but that's another topic in itself reserved for another day). The sole reason being, no one in this world can be or feel fine. Because, one reason being the impossibility of everything going 100% for a particular someone and another reason suggesting that 'being fine' itself is already so subjective that one's fine may differ from another fine. Someone may have his house burned down or his dogs kidnapped and that could be fine for him but for another, at least for me, it isn't 'fine'.

And besides, if we were to generalise 'fine' on an international worldwide scale, the word wouldn't even exist anymore because we will never come to a general consensus on what fine is. Like I said previously, no one will be satisfyingly, fine because for one, nothing goes 100% for anyone even if you're Bill Gates and secondly, even if it somehow seems and looks 100% smooth-flowing for that particular someone (which will never happen because that's just the way it is), that particular someone will NEVER feel the same way cause we are all humans and we are weak in that way. The never-feeling-satisfied way.

However sad that could sound, it's the truth. Face it.

So I've drifted a great deal from what I wanted to say originally about nothing going 100%(at least for me you living-in-denial prick).

Oh, how right I was.

Yesterday, my Internet connection at home went kaput for NO reason at all.

I'm 200% positive that my modem is perfectly fine but for some annoying reason I just cannot access the Internet.

Very, very annoying.

Which proves my 'depressing' theory all the more.

I'm now blogging from my university's "library and learning commons" and it's a struggle because I've got to switch to a new browser or minimize the page immediately when someone walks behind me. Now now, you certainly do not want anyone anonymous from your university to be reading your blog, would you? Or even knowing you are blogging at the library you pathetic loser for god's sake, for that matter..

I'm hoping now that miraculously my Internet connection somehow gets revived when I go home later as exceptionally as how it died. But experience and being Alex Yeo tells me otherwise.

Ok. Excuse me now while I go 'check my university email' for the 999th time.





-alexeO-

Wasn't Busy

Short hiatus not because I was busy, but because there wasn't anything interesting to talk about. No dreams recently about scary mathematical questions or teachers alike, unfortunately.

The only thing I could possible have been busy at was YouTube and some in my shoes might post videos on this blog during my little hiatus but I find that a little.. 'cheating' don't you think? Like posting filler posts with videos and all. Not like anyone will click and watch them anyway. But then again, it's not like anyone really read what I says here ANYWAY. So.. life sucks for me.

It's April now and from next week onwards, make that.. tomorrow(judging by the time of post), I'll be as busy as a cow. Like damn busy lah. Cow's not the appropriate animal to be used here but I DONT CARE ALREADY LA CAN WHY AM I EVEN DEFENDING MYSELF SO MANY TIMES HERE GAH SO ANNOYING (AND I USED 'CAN' ZZZ).

Ok anyway. Yes yes. Busy.

Cause I'll have an assignment due on the coming Friday and then again on the consecutive 2 more Fridays and then and then I'll have like a mini break from work and then class test and all coming in after that! *exhales*

Fuiyoh so stress and busy.

I'll probably post Japan Series #3 next or something pictorial-ish unless I have something interesting to update on suddenly. Maybe some interesting dream again later or something else..

I just realised I'm posting like I'm some big-shot blogger la. Hahaha. This is so unnecessary seriously. I'm supposed to blog anything I want at anytime I want la! It's my prerogative right right right?? I mean for example if I emo ma emo lor.. my blog maaaa.. Zzz.

BUT that aside, perhaps it's healthy to once in a while imagine yourself as an established someone else..! not in blogging la maybe but in whatever else profession it might be.

Okay getting unnecessarily philosophical and preachy.

So for now, goodbye my readers.

Goodbye my 'huge following'~





-alexeO-